Is he emotionally cheating or am I just being an insecure wife?

I have been married for almost nine years. My husband and I have not had the most conventional marrige. We had a short courtship and no alone time (he was a single dad with a 3.5 year old son when i met him). We had 2 kids of our own and for as long as we've been married our marriage has centered around our kids,work (we were both Naval officers)and fulfilling our academic dreams. Two and a half years ago we got out of the military and he started a demanding master's program. We uplifted our family and moved half way across the country so he could be in this program. I found a job and took care of the kids so he could focus on school. Our marriage has been difficult and more like a business partnership than a union. Which became increasingly clear as he got more involved in his program. I brought this up to him and he basically blew me off saying we were fine and i didn't need to stress him out, he was already stressed out enough. Over the last year he developed many academic friendships, one these friends was a married woman and mother of 2. She and her husband watched our kids for us. When i first met her i thought she was a lot like me a devoted mom and wife. But as the year progressed i noticed their friendship blossoming. They talked on the phone almost if not every day even late into the night they studied together and did projects together; this i thought was just part of school and was a great support system for my husband. But then she'd call to the house and i'd pick up the phone and she'd immediately ask for my husband without saying hello to me or acknowledging me. When our paths would cross she would briefly say hello and then completely turn her attention to my husband. On several encounters when my children were also present she would stop and give them big hugs and kisses, which would have been fine if she would have taken just as much time to acknowledge my presence. Once again a short hello and then straight to my husband. When i would try to start small talk with her she wouldn't answer me or would cut me off. At this point i thought she was just rude. I went to his school x'mas party and once again she disregarded me but clung to my husband taking pictures with him. She did take a picture of just me and my husband sitting together. But she quipped, 'come on smile (referring to my husband), i've seen you smile bigger than that,' which bothered me but again i thought she was just rude. A week later they were taking their board exams. She called him late at night. She had checked into a hotel cramming for her test the next day and was panicking and called my husband for support. The next morning after she passed her exam they started this marathon texting and when they finally spoke on the phone my husband gently scolded her for not calling him right away about the good news and he told her that he should have been at least the second person that she called. I asked him why he said that to her and he said because she told him the same thing when he passed his test. This is tearing me up.

View related questions: her ex, insecure, married woman, military, text

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