A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I know this is rather lengthy so I apologize. But please read it, I need the insight. thanks.I've been in a LDR with a guy for about 4 months now. For the first couple months we talked practically everyday. We're long distance because we met online and he lives in another state. Also he's in the military and has been actively serving overseas.When we first met he was still in training and then he got shipped out for the first time much earlier than they had originally told him. For a little while after that we were still able to talk fairly often. But soon after it was only once or twice a week. So when we suddenly started talking less I would always worry whether he was alright and all that. I do love him and we would always tell each other that we love each other. I've been by his side through alot so I'm sort of attached to him at this point.Anyway, at the start of last month, after a couple weeks of not hearing from him, his brother told me that he had been killed by a roadside bomb. I was pretty devastated after hearing that, and didn't really know how to take it. For a couple weeks I was depressed and angry, very lonely. I tried joining this online dating site thinking maybe it'd take my mind off him to meet some new people. I did go on a couple dates. They went horribly and when I got home afterwards I'd still think about him, so that wasn't successful at all.Uh, about a week and a half ago his brother contacted me again to tell me that his brother wasn't dead and is back home right now and that under the circumstances he couldn't tell me what really happened because I'm not family. I had mixed feelings about this, still do, because I was still trying to get over him after a month of being certain I'd never hear from him again. Then suddenly he's back and idk.Some pretty messed up things happened to him overseas and he's being closed off since he came back, not talking much. I've gotten him to talk a little but still he's not the same. I don't feel like he still loves me but he has a ton on his mind and is going through alot right now so I can't expect him to always think of me right?Because I thought he was dead and that our relationship was over, I seem to be having trouble understanding what we are now. I feel like I don't know him anymore.Next week he leaves again. This time for 16 months and I'll hardly get to talk to him. I feel like this whole thing is tearing us apart and idk how to handle it. I swear I'm trying to wrap this up...If I keep my profile on the dating site would that be wrong? If I still went on dates, is that cheating? I'd never leave him at this point in his life and I'm always there for him, but for the last month I've felt more lonely than I did before I met him. 16 months is a long time and I don't wanna continue feeling the way I do. What I'm afraid of is that I love him so much that I'd put myself through the pain and wait out the 16 months, and then it not work out in the end. So idk what to do about it, or if there's anything I can do. I feel stuck. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, LisaSE  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 I don't think it's wrong to look around online if he's being stubborn! :D However, I have a little opinion about his side of the story... He was growing distant and you said he got really messed up. Well, all this time over there, he's probably been seeing a lot of death, even before coming so close to it himself. Maybe... he was trying to distance himself from you because he was getting scared of leading you on when he might not come back?
A
male
reader, ic_az +, writes (13 August 2010):
First off I am active military.
Granted, I was never in the position that you man has been in, thankfully. We receive briefings on this type of behavior all the time.
--He seems distant because of what happened to him during his tour.
After all is said and done, it is ultimately up to you if you would like to stay or go. More power to you, if you'd like to stay. He may never be the same person that you fell in love with before. With the proper help and support he may come back. Miracles do happen. Just realize that you did nothing to deserve this. It happens.
Like I said before, ultimately, it is up to you.
Good luck.
ic
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