A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! So there is this guy that I like so much... he's charming, full of personality, and everyone likes him a lot. He's a dancing teacher and his students are all crazy for him. Unfortunately, I have a huge crush on him. I have always wanted to become a dancer and one day when we were talking about it, he offered to help me with it and I agreed. It was very nice of him. He's told me that I have the moves, the smile, and the charisma and motivated me. I'm not sure if this guy likes me or not but he definitely thinks I'm a bit strange. Yesterday, in his class, he asked me if I was nervous when I actually wasn't. I was busy thinking about some issues I had at home and I wasn't nervous at all. I told him I wasn't nervous and asked him why would I be nervous. Then I asked him if I always look nervous and he said yes. Then he said 'No, not always. You have this big smile on your face all the time and it's infectious and I like that. But you do look nervous like 70% of the time.'. I was soooo embarrassed because I never realized that I look nervous all the time. And I'm quite surprised that he has noticed that much about me. Today, after the class, it was raining and I was waiting for a long time for the rain to die down a bit. I was watching videos on my phone and he snuck up behind me and put an arm on my shoulder and freaked me out so bad I jumped a foot in the air. Then he was like are you ok? Are you waiting for the bus? And I said yeah I'm ok, I'm just waiting for the rain to die down. And he asked me 'Do you want a ride home?'. I was surprised and was like érm... no, I'm okay.. .thank you.' Then he said ók, then. Take care!' Patted me on the shoulder and left. I'm quite puzzled. Even though I have a crush on this guy, I was never gonna act on it and I know I'm a bit socially awkward. I may be nervous when talking to him, but I'm definitely not nervous when I'm with the others in the class. Plus, how can I smile and be nervous at the same time??Do you think this guy likes me or is simply curious about me because he thinks I'm weird? And was I being rude when I said 'No, I'm ok. Thank you'.? I actually got a bit nervous at that point because I didn't expect him to offer me the ride home. I am quite confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2022): You are not weird , - but you are nervous :) Your being nervous even comes through the written page, imagine how easy must be for a dance teacher,(they are generally very adept in reading non verbal language) perceiving it. And yes, one can totally be nervous and smile at the same time !, haven't you ever heard the espression "a nervous smile "? Relax, nothing wrong or nothing major happened. The guy does not think you are weird or you are a freak, precisely because he has already picked you are feeling a bit uneasy in some social settings. I also don't think he was hitting on you, I think he was just being friendly ( but if I am wrong and he actually likes you , ...he'll just have to try harder, and to show it in a way that it is clear to you.He is a grown up, he'd find a way ).And you did not do anything wrong in refusing a lift from him, because, as long as you keep ot civil, you surely are not obliged to accept favours or gifts or invitations.One can always say - no thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2022): I'll get straight to the point. As long as this guy is your teacher, keep a "student-to-teacher" professional-distance.
Crushes are for teenagers who haven't yet learned how to control their emotions and compose themselves in certain situations around people they believe they like. Once you grow-up, you learn to evaluate the situation; and you try to maintain the appropriate behavior and demeanor under various conditions. If a person has no clue you like them, it should remain that way; if it is a co-worker, teacher, trainer, doctor, minister, a married-person, or someone you are dealing with under any professional capacity.
I note a lot of full-grown adults who write DC use the word "crush;" and I guess it's just a common reference implying you have a secret attraction towards someone. As adults, we are attracted to people; but we recognize and observe the boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Most often, a crush implies feelings you can't keep in-check; and you're about to express, or act on those feelings. All the while knowing it would be grossly inappropriate; and could cause some unfortunate repercussions. Teens wouldn't know any better, but adults should!
It really doesn't matter what he thinks outside his professional concerns as your instructor.
It's okay to mention certain observations, if he feels his student is in distress, reflects difficulty in class performance, lacks focus; or needs to improve in certain areas. Teachers are required to give each student their share of individual attention. Not to be interpreted as anything else but that!
Your crush (wishful-thinking/imagination) will turn everything pleasant into a flirtation; or a signal he likes you in the romantic-sense. This is where misunderstandings occur that may cause trouble. I think it was inappropriate to rest his arm on your shoulder. You properly declined his offer for a ride; but the offer was merely a courtesy. I hope. I hope it was as you said, you were only waiting for the rain to let-up.
By the way, nobody is always aware of their facial-expressions; unless they are constantly self-conscious. Our expressions don't always indicate our mood or state of mind. They just happen.
If you grin a lot; yes, you might come across as a little weird to some people, but that's none of his business. I think people who carry a lingering smile on their faces are just generally pleasant people...excluding a devious smirk, that is. In general, we all may smile as a nervous reflex; even when it's not an appropriate reaction.
I think his intentions are benign; and he just wants you to feel at-ease. Popular teachers, particularly young and attractive instructors, are usually well aware of their good-looks; and are used to how people respond to them. It might go to the heads of some conceited folks. If he doesn't know his place, it's your personal-responsibility to maintain a respectful-distance as his student, and not cross any lines. You're a dancer; so a dance-instructor has to adjust your form or posture. Not just yours, everyone's!
If you intend to keep things appropriate, it doesn't matter what he thinks outside of how you perform as his student. If you want to be a good dancer, and excel at your art; focus on your dancing, not the instructor. You're an adult, and you can rule over your feelings and crushes. If your intent is to send signals to encourage his flirtations; then you're not there for dancing. You're there to seduce your teacher; and you will not receive the full benefit of the class, because your mind isn't where it's supposed to be.
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake  +, writes (4 May 2022):
 I think you should stop reading into everything and just go with the rhythm:-) I don’t think there are enough indications to suggest whether he likes you or is just looking out for his students. Just try to relax and focus on the dancing as that’s why you are there. As for everything else, just see what happens. I don’t think he thinks you’re weird, but it’s not difficult to pick up on nerves either. And yes, you can be nervous and smile at the same time, nervousness can be projected in many different ways
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 May 2022):
 I know its hard because you feel you are crushing on this guy, but my advice would be to never act on this crush, just keep it to yourself and concentrate on your dancing.
He is a teacher and you are a dance student, it is his job to be friendly and nice to everyone.
Unlike the feelings of love crushes don't last forever, infact can often be short lived. It is common when we are crushing on someone to mistake simple signs, gestures, looks, touches that in their mind mean absolutely nothing, but to you its seen as a sign of affection and you convince yourself that they must be crushing on you as well.
Its quite easy to smile and be nervous at the same time, only problem with this is if your not actually feeling it inside most people can see right through the smile. Maybe before class do some relaxation and breathing exercises, or meditation and get yourself into a more relaxed state before you go.
regarding the lift home i think he was just being friendly, and i think maybe he would have offered any of his students a life home, when you declined he never pursued anything and he promptly walked away.
Just let the crush dissipate of its own accord and concentrate on your dancing and being the best you can be, relax a little and just have fun with it all.
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