A
female
age
,
*mber12
writes:Hi,Would like some thoughts on the following...Dated a guy for two years and for the last seven months we have been going through a rough patch about living together.We arranged to sell our houses and live together. I sold mine first and he was going to sell his and move in. He started to make excuses about not wanting to leave his daughter and I finally found out he was not telling her the whole truth and he admitted he had been lying to both of us.We broke up I tried to reason with him for several weeks and he told me he still loved and missed me. We arranged to talk but he came over and called me names. He then said he had made a mistake and wanted to date again. He then cancelled our date and met another woman. He has seen two women since our split.I stopped contact and started dating again. He got in touch last week and told me I was right about everything what was going on in his life and that he wanted to be with me. He told me he was putting his house on the market and that he told his daughter she had to find her own place.He told me he wanted to be someone's husband and wanted to settle down. He said he would ask me o marry him when he was ready.We have been chatting about stuff for a week and I thought we was back on track. We had planned a week end together when he cancelled saying he did not love me. He then told me he did not want to push me away and that he needed to sort his mind out.. We went out last night and he paid me compliments, held hands and was very affectionate. He promised he would not reject me again. Because he has finished with me several times, I told him this was his last chance, which he agreed. He also told that he loved me.This morning he sent happy text's then two hours before we was to meet sent me a text saying he was not happy and although he should be he had a long face. He said he felt something was missing.He knows he has made me ill over our break up and that I love him. I replied back saying I cant take anymore and wished him well.What I cant understand is... He told me he loves me, that when we met it felt like coming home, that he loves the things we do together, that he has never doubted my feelings for him. He loves my company and that we are so connected.I sent a final text wishing him well and I hoped he would find happiness and I was sad he felt something is missing.What is this guy's problem? He has ruined my trust in him, I even stopped seeing a guy to go back to him, which he knows.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Wel, at least he was sincere - brazen in fact ! he is tryng on a new item, ( or several ) , if it does not work, - he wants the option to be back to old reliable you. Pfui !
Excellent decision, OP, move on and don't look back. The guy may be confused, living a midlife crisis, blah blah, ... but that's HIS problem and HIS life, you think about yours, and about making it as happy as you can- result which you could not get by staying entangled with this flake.
A
female
reader, Amber12 +, writes (5 May 2013):
Amber12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
My ex is still being flaky contacting me with texts saying he keeps thinking about me. I asked if he was dating and he said he was seeing someone for over a week. I wished him well and he said he was not sure about her and it was early days. I told him to stop contacting me and that it was over for me and I did not love him the way I did anymore and that he was dragging me down. His reply was I am lost, don't if we are right or wrong and I don't know what to say.
My conclusion is the man I fell in love with is depressed with his life but that does not excuse him for his cruel behaviour. I have walked away and taken control of my life again :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): Having contacted him today telling him he was right there is something missing and I felt it too and what was missing from our relationship was his honesty, trust and respect for me and I wished him well in his search for a wife.
I got a reply saying sorry how things ended, I am not good with words...sorry.
To which I replied, you are good with words but you dont tell a person you love and propose to them then dump them.
I told him I would never take him back.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (15 April 2013):
Thanks for the follow-up its not easy to say goodbye.But well done you .Wishing you a happy future .Nora B.
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A
female
reader, millonbitsu +, writes (14 April 2013):
You come across as a rational, intelligent woman in your question who got caught up with some idiot who messed you about. You deserve a million times better than his false promises and apologies. Any person deserves honesty and respect in a relationship and it is clear he is a place where he can't decide what it is he wants so he is playing with your feelings from one day to the next.
I really think he is one of those guys who just gets a hold on you (it happens to the best of us) delete and block his number, block any social networking you may have added him on, delete , messages anything that could tempt you to get in touch when you're feeling like you miss him. You've been civil and wished him good luck and goodbye. You have given him more than enough chances. It's your chance to move on. Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, Amber12 +, writes (14 April 2013):
Amber12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for telling me what I refused to accept. I received a text today telling me sI did nothing wrong, he also replied that I did not mess with his future when I told him he so messed with mine.
The grass is not always greener and I guess in the three months we have been apart he has tried to move on with no success and runs back to me. I do believe he runs back as he knows I love him etc.
I just wanted to hear what I refused to hear. He cannot commit to me. End of! I indeed move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): He doesn't know what he wants from moment to moment. There are a lot of men like that. I was dating a man for 3 years, who said he loved me & was committed to me, although we didn't live together & no plans of it ever. I told him I needed more, he was back on a dating website two days later. Makes me sick that I allowed someone to treat me this way. Be strong and stay away. Then he tries coming back with his sob story, tell him to get lost.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 I think this guy may have legitimately believed that he loved you but is just the profoundly flaky, selfish, inconsiderate, and indecisive type.
Good riddance to him. And good luck to you in finding a better partner.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 April 2013):
This guy's problem is that he was not that into you. At least not enough to merge your lives. He might as well want to be someone's husband, but surely he did not act as if he wanted to be your husband.
" But he said.".. talk his cheap. People can lie, or can get carried away by their emotions in the moment, only to regert what they said later on. Long story short, he said he said, but , he did not put his house on the market when you put yours did he ?( And I doubt he did later on or he si going to do it anytime soon ). That should have been a massive red flag, but, what is done is done.
Apparently this gentleman is rather proactive in seeking a mate , but , when things do not pan out, he's fast to run back to you , he knows you are reliable, accepting and care about him, so at least you won't turn him down. Then he gets his ego boosted,... and starts all over again being fussy ( and putting his hopes up that he can " do better ", probably ).
Too much aggravation for a lady your age, leave this ups and downs, or " games " , to teenagers. Make sure that your last message to him stays the last one , you need to waste no more time on this flake.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (14 April 2013):
This man does not know if he is coming or going and is very selfish and very hurtful and unfair to you at all levels.Dont let him use you when it suits him.Hopefully you will stsrt a NEW life with a man that loves and respects you.Tell this guy a firm GOODBYE and mean it Because your just wasting your time on him.Look to the future and enjoy life .Best Wishes Nora B.
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