A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I hope you all can help me. I've been with my husband for 5 years. We had a very healthy sex life. 4 months before our wedding the sex decreased drastically. We've been married for 3 years and it has dwindled down to every few months and it's not very passionate. He doesn't kiss me(just a quick kiss). Here's the real problem, as if that wasn't enough! In October of 2010 he called me to say he'd be late coming home because the traffic was really bad. He accidently called me back and I could hear him talking to a woman. I could tell that she was flirting with him and he seemed very comfortable with her (he burped in front of her). When he got home I asked who he went to see but he denied it. I recited the conversation back to him and he confessed he went to fix the heating system of his ex-girlfriend (she broke his heart). I was devastated and made him go to counseling. We are still going (it is March as of this writing). Here's the problem...he left the computer running and I saw a bunch of emails from her! After all the counseling he's still lying to me. She's been calling him 10 minutes after he leaves for work. I threw all of his clothes out the window and told him exactly what he can do to himself. He swears that there is nothing physical and that she's been in contact with him since before we met. She contacts him every few years. But since she actually saw him in October it's been a lot more frequent and that he only lied to me because he thought I'd be upset. Damned right I'm upset! Why would he continue to be in contact with her when we ended up in counseling over her? What do I do? I can't let it go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): Your husband is not stupid, just stupid to get caught AGAIN!I think you know that he has been lying to you too many times.He disrespected you by seeing his ex all the time.He keeps in contact with her and sends her inappropriate messages.Where will this all end? In a divorce? An affair? I think he is already involved so I do not blame you for being hurt.He went to counselling yet he continued his relationship with her. Speaks volumes.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (6 March 2011):
 There are many signs your husband's attention is not 100% in the marriage. I believe you are correct to assume he is involved with someone else. I am wondering why he is participating in marriage counseling, however.You say you can't let go, but is it really that you don't want to let go? Even though she is an ex-girlfriend, it looks as if he is having an affair with her. He may not be sleeping with her, but the signs do point to that.You threw his clothes out the window and told him to get lost. I'd say you took the first step in ending things. I think it's come down to an ultimatum. You must tell him it is either you or the ex-girlfriend. If he defies that, you will have to accept that it is over. In that case you'd need to contact a lawyer. Perhaps you can work this out in future marriage counseling sessions, before taking the final step and filing for divorce. Sometimes the reality of losing everything gets a person's attention. For it to work, however, he must put all his cards on the table. He must be totally honest. Do you think he is capable of that?
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A
female
reader, TheFurFiles  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 You can't let it go? You'd better let HIM go! And I know this will be hard, hard like trying to stick a pill down a wet cat's throat, but you NEED to do it. Unless of course you don't mind living with a man who is having sex with another woman. Something is fishy for sure. I'd say cut your losses and find somebody else. If, however, you think this guy is worth it - and from the sounds of it, he isn't - but if you really think he is, then you need to do something about your sex life. Men do not function without sex. Buy some new lingerie. Get your hair done and throw yourself at him. Try this more than once. If he still brushes you off, you can pretty much assume that the relationship is over. Good luck and stay strong! You deserve better. Much better!!!!Hugs, Fern (TheFurFiles)
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 March 2011):
 You haven't done anything wrong!!! he is acting weird. i'm not sure if i would trust him. i cant really tell you what to do. do you want to stay with him for this to continue? is he worth it. You obviously can't trust his word so you really have no idea whether he has had sex with her, or not. can you live with not knowing
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