A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months n we were on a solid path. It's been work to secure him of his trust issues as well as mine. The last relationship I was in ended over a year ago to a cheating man. So before I met my current bf I went out/partied a lot and of course had sexual activities with other men within the year. But FYI, I was never the partying type. Since meeting my bf I stopped all the craziness n placed all my energy to making things wk because I WANT to make a life with him. He wks during the day n I wk @ night. He's had times where he goes out with his friends while I'm @ wk but swears that that's all n comes straight home (I recently moved in n haven't gone out without him). I wonder sometimes cause his ex still texts him as if things are casual n we both know she's still trying to get back with him. He's told her to stop but not only does she not listen, yesterday I found a text on his phone boasting how she still wants it. I was disgusted! But here's the back-burner...my gyno called me yesterday as well n said I have chlamydia. She said it doesn't mean that anyone's cheating cause we're a new couple that it could be that we brought it into the relationship. I discussed it calmly with him so we could be civil about it. But now he thinks I'm cheating on him! We can both do some mudslinging but I can honestly say without a doubt that I have never cheated on him. The truth is I am willing to work on restoring what we have. I feel so sick to my stomach because we were doing so well n this **** happens?! I'm afraid to fall apart because I love him so. Idk what to do so I am asking for advice. N yes, going back to the Dr. tomorrow for my curing Rx. Please help me, I'm falling apart over here. :'-(
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you n I respect your words. I take responsibility 4 being ignorant in the past n I'm trying the best I can. :)
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (13 July 2012):
Unfortunately, Chlamydia can in fact lay dormant for months, or even years, with minimal symptoms. It can be a low grade fever that isn't even noticed by the infected person.
So with that in mind, I agree with your gyno. It is entirely possible that one of you came into the relationship with Chlamydia already. It sounds like you took part in some at least somewhat risky sexual activity, and the fact that your bf's ex cheated on him means he was exposed through her. It could have been contracted either way. This is especially true if you hadn't been checked since before you got with your boyfriend.
My advice is to work through this with your bf with the understanding that neither one of you should be accusing the other of anything, as the infection probably pre-dates the relationship.
Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I appreciate what you have to say :)
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Usually Chlamydia comes from recent exposure, not something that happened 6 months ago. Given that your b/f's ex has been putting it out there with him, it could be that he bumped into her when he was 'out with the guys' (if there were any guys involved at all and not just a hook up with the ex he was hoping you wouldn't know about)....and things happened between them. If there's one thing I know about guys, they rarely know how to say "No" when a woman offers sex. For one thing it's a huge ego boost. And for another, most men's sexual barrometer always feels like it's below the level they'd like it to be so when a "freebie" comes along...they sometimes grab it. What you have to ask yourself is if he still cares about his ex. Did she leave him or did he leave her and if so why? Sometimes if you understand the terms of the break up, you'll know the liklihood of them hooking up on the side. The fact that you work nights gives him the perfect opportunity to have his evenings free without you knowing what's going on. You do the math. He can tell you whatever he wants, it doesn't make it so. Also, ask your gyno if Chlamydia can lay dormat in your body for 5 or 6 months and then suddenly surface out of the blue. I'd be interested in knowing what she says about tht. Because if so, you may feel much better knowing that it really could have been something that came from your previous relationships and not the one you're in right now. But truthfully, when someone has been cheating, they will quickly try to shift the blame to you, and that sounds like what he's doing. If possible, you should try to start working days instead of nights. Some men just aren't good with that much free, unsupervised time at night, especially when your relationship is still new and he may not be emotionally invested yet. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice :)
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 If he is dating you, he should not be texting his ex or any other girl under any circumstances. HE is the one texting her back when he should just ignore her. You cannot blame this on the ex. He has the power to ignore and delete the text and not engage in conversation with her. I would be concerned about that in and of itself.
I am not sure what to say about the STD because you have both been with other/multiple sexual partners and this is what happens when you behave in that manner. You could have had the disease from a previous partner, but it seems like you would have had to sleep with the person fairly recently in order to just be getting the disease now.
The fact he is still communicating with his ex is what concerns me. It doesn't mean he is sleeping with her or anyone else, but the sex doesn't really matter if they're communicating all of the time.
I am not sure how you can work this out when there are so many trust issues present. You will need to sit down and have a long talk with your boyfriend, but that is no guarantee that things will end on a positive note.
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