A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently went through a break up with a guy I was with for 3 months. We knew each other for about 4 months before we dated, but only through a coffee house and as much as you can get to know someone at karaoke once a week. I knew the whole time that he had a girlfriend so I didn't pursue anything. One night, he invited me to hang out with his girlfriend and a few others at a friends house. I went along with it. He proceeded to ask me out that night and told me that he was polyamorous. I had tried many monogamous relationships and none worked out so I figured I would try something new. From the very beginning, he had been very "open" about himself. He would strip down to be funny and make jokes at the most odd times. I found him to be very charming and we got pressured into the relationship that night. It lasted for 3 months and we never got sexual, but we were starting to talk about it. I went away for vacation to come back to the normal drama and he decided it was best for us to be friends. Two days later, I sat him down and asked him if there was any hope of us getting back together once we got our lives straightened out or whether I should just move on and forget about him. He assures me that he just needs to figure out everything in his other relationship before getting me more involved. He is still one of my best friends and we have no hard feelings towards each other... My dilemma is whether he is being honest about there being hope. Should I stay friends with him and try to get to know him better as a person and try again later or give up hope and walk away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback, everyone! I've decided after being friends with benefits with the guy for 3 weeks and then having him break it off yet again that he's not worth my time. I found someone else I'm interested in and it looks promising between me and him.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 July 2011):
 when I say we were pressured into it, I mean by friends. They were bugging us asking if we were official
Never make decisions about YOUR relationships based on other people bugging you.
we got together figuring it could work and we realized we really didn't know each other well enough to be together right now
You already figured out it does not work.
he is searching for somewhere to live, and looking for a job...
He is sorting out his priorities.
Should I still try to get to know him in hopes that something may brew later or just not worry about loving him and move on completely?
If you want a relationship, free yourself of this man. Point your life in the direction towards someone who is clearly ready AND wanting a relationship with someone he feels is important enough to be his one and only.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your opinions, but I do need to clarify that when I say we were pressured into it, I mean by friends. They were bugging us asking if we were official and we got together figuring it could work and we realized we really didn't know each other well enough to be together right now. Also, his other girlfriend and him have been having issues lately, he is searching for somewhere to live, and looking for a job... Should I still try to get to know him in hopes that something may brew later or just not worry about loving him and move on completely?
PS: I prefer honestly so be as blunt as you wish.
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A
female
reader, Y_v  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Well the first things first is that you have just experienced the 'new' thing of going into a polyamourous relationship. You know now that because he's also caring for someone else and is sorting that out first, you know straight away that you are not on the top of his 'polyamourous list'. I know this sounds a bit harsh but because he's delayed his response and told you it explicitly you now need to make a decision whether you want to still be 'second best' :/ That's the con of this type of relationship. He will have made a subconscious decision as to who to prioritise... and it's not you :/You also said you got 'pressurized' into it, this says alot. It just means it's not genuine enough to be a serious relationship. So overall it's up to you whether to keep with this 'new' experience or just move on? And anyway there is nothing wrong with just staying close friends. Good luck. hope this helpsx
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 July 2011):
I think he is being honest with you. He does not feel like settling down with just ONE person now.HE decided for you to just be friends, which probably was his way of figuring out YOU are not good Polyamory material.That does not mean anything is wrong with you, you are just not a good match.If you feel you can be friends and not have that nagging feeling that you wish you were more...then remain friends.In the meanwhile, date others, spend time with friends and do not wait around while he is making up his mind.
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