| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been seeing this guy pretty regularly for the past 6 months now. We normally go out 2-4 times a week and text every day or so. Anyway, we last met on Mon and he said' we'd meet on Fri, late afternoon. Cool. So, I organized my chores and duties in order to actually be free on Fri. This morning I get a tex from him saying: "Hey. Bad news... cannot make it later today as I got relatives visiting. Raincheck til next week. Kisses". Fine. Then, since I had a pretty long lunch break, I texted him back saying: "That sucks. Maybe we can meet up for a quick lunch?". And you know what? He did not reply. Not replying to a text message to me is a deal breaker. It's plain rude. I feel so humiliated and angry. So, on Monday I'm sure he's gonna text me saying: "Shall we meet up later today?"... what should I do? Silent treatment? Or actually meet him and pretend nothing happened? Confront him over this? I don't know. I'm aware this might now seem much of a big deal to you, but it is to me. Any suggestions?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 I think the silent treatment is childish and immature.
Sometimes text messages don't get delivered since they are piggybacked on other data bits in the network....
He texted you... granted I think a phone call would have been a better way but it's possible that his family came in early....
I think you need to talk to him and tell him how hurt you are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): I personally hate it when people dnt reply to my txt and i normally do d silent treatment thing but then i think when u do get to see him, tell him hw u feel about his ignorin ur txt. Its a more mature thing to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (2 July 2011):
i would tell him no you are busy on monday and you will let him know when you are free you are not making a big deal of it it only takes a few seconds to reply back to a text i hate it when they don,t reply to make yourself unavaliable to him sometimes always works but if he does all the time i would break up with him good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): 'Not replying to a text message to me is a deal breaker.' Are you serious? You'd actually break up with someone over that?There could be any number of reasons why he didn't respond to your text. He may have been pressed for time preparing for relatives. It does seem a rather abrupt way to cancel plans, and I can understand you'd be annoyed at having gone to some trouble to be available, but things happen. Plans are not carved in stone.I would counsel against the silent treatment. It's far beneath your age. There is nothing wrong with expressing disappointment at not seeing him and the effort you put into preparing for it, but I wouldn't make a war out of it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): I wouldn't stoop to his level.text him back, or better, phone him and confront him about it that way. It shows you're a strong women. Tell him you don't like people giving you the cold shoulder, you'd rather he said it out straight that he was not up for meeting with you.By ignoring his text you will be getting into mind games and that never ends good. Be mature about it and confront him. Tell him you only date men and not imature guys who play games. If this was a regular occurrence I would say move on from him.Good Luck.x
...............................
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (1 July 2011):
 There is no question that what he did was rude: breaking an appointment by text with no further explanation or apology. And not replying, well, that's rude, too. You are right to be annoyed and resentful.However, the silent treatment is NOT a proper response. It does not do anything except create further strains in the relationship. He won't know why you are being silent, and he will become angry. The proper response is, as always, communication. Tell him what you are telling us here at Dear Cupid, how you were hurt and offended by his sudden and blunt cancellation and his non-reply to your text, and tell him that not replying to texts is particularly offensive to you.If he does it again then you can consider other responses, but for sure talking is the best response for now.
...............................
A
female
reader, Maisy92 +, writes (1 July 2011):
i understand that you are upset but big n.o to the silent treatment i am like so much younger then you and i know thats childish but yeah i understand where you're coming from. ok so just leave it then when you see him just ask what that was all about? but let him make the plans!
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 July 2011):
 No Silent Treatment. That is just childish.
I think if people stopped having relationships by text, there would be a lot less understandings in the world.
You can not see facial expression,hear tone or get the real info!
You were dissapointed. Does he cancel out on plans often?
I think it was rude to make plans and cancel by text! He could have at least called or left a voice mail, which would have been far more personal.
If you are just casual friends, and not in a committed relationship, then the "rules" of dating are a bit looser.
Do not let it ruin your weekend! Go have fun with friends!
On Monday, when he texts (ugh! what happened to people making a phone call?) keep it simple and sweet. Let HIM make any follow up plans on his own initiative.
You can say you were dissapointed that you did not get together, but what purpose would it serve?
He may have found your "meet me for lunch" a bit manipulative when he clearly stated he had other plans. Are you confrontational? Maybe he avoided it because he knew you were might ask about his plans and why he was cancelling.
Does he really owe you an explanation?
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (1 July 2011):
 not replying to a text does not have to be a dealbreaker, as there are reasons for no reply - maybe he did not receive your message or maybe he replied but you did not receive it - it DOES happen you know. but its the fact that he let you down anyway, at quite short notice. did the relatives land on him unexpectedly? to be fair, he did tell you that he would not be able to make your date, so maybe he did not appreciate you trying to get him to meet regardless. only HE knows if he found this offensive.would you say this is a very casual relationship? as long as you are both at the same level of commitment then i don't see a problem but i do see unhappiness for you if you are more into him than he is into you x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): I personaly would go with the silent treatment just as he gave you
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Don't do what he did to you; it looks childish and silly. If you bring it up with him and give him a chance to explain what happened you may find there was a good reason. Give him a chance before you get mad because you may regret your choice otherwise. If his excuse sucks, tell him, but maturely so he knows it's not okay but you're not having a temper tantrum about it. Play it cool to start with, give him a chance. Cyber connections aren't the easiest to maintain. The short notice is annoying, but you were also giving him short notice by saying 'meet up for a quick lunch?'. Try and not get irritated by his lack of response; he isn't perfect and everyone slips up with texting.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Surely he must have known about his relatives visiting before today! That is rude definitely, he should have replied and said, sorry to let you down, I really can't make even a quick lunch. Why can't he be honest? Unless he is hiding something. If this is the first time it has happened then leave it, just wait until he texts you now. Don't make an issue of it, when you do eventually next see him, say that you were disappointed as you were very much looking forward to seeing him but glad you are with him now (just in a light hearted way). If this is something that keeps happening, then well, I would back off and let him do the chasing and you carry on and make your own plans, do not let your life revolve around him...
...............................
|
