A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been secretly flirting with coworker, hugging, texting, posing for pics, late night phone calls, and even a secret handshake only the two of them know. He has never hidden being friends with someone before now, but he said he hid it this time because he was afraid I would be jealous. Even though he has no reason to think that. Is he attracted to this girl, is that why he's hiding it this time?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
oh my god, you work with this girl? How humiliating this must be for you. I honestly don't know how you keep your sanity as all your work colleagues must be gossiping about it as well (if you work with other people as well dont worry they will all be gossiping about it you probably just arent aware of it yet).
the bottom line is he is cheating on you already, end of story. It's now a case of working up the courage to kick his cheating arse out, sorry this may sound extreme but if he is carrying a relationship on with another girl right in front of you he is a sick arsehole . These two carrying on this cosy little relationship right in front of you is simply shocking, I can only assume he has a real vicious cruel streak deep inside of him to put you through this.
What an arsehole.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Sorry, had to add the answer to your post heading.
"Is he attracted to her?" the answer is yes, no question.
Sorry and I hope it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Hi poster, I would like to add my bit for you to think about too.
The way I see all of this is that he has already cheated on you and intended to. It hurts like hell! But, some of the stuff he has told, well I presume you are getting the information from him, is outrageous.
If they have had all of this secret interaction, handshakes!, ways to behave around you etc, then surely the facts are on the table and the only purpose for that would be for them to continue a secret relationship/affair.
Well planned and horribly insensitive with you being in the same environment, just a bit too in your face really.
I beleive you have a big problem if you consider it was all a mis-understanding. How can you mis-understand what was going down. Did he come and confess? How did you find out, which may help in working out if he is a problem for the future!
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I just read the bit in your follow up, about how they decided not to behave in this certain way around you - that set alarm bells off in my head!! So how is this behaviour 'right' if they won't act the way they do alone, in front of you? They obviously know it is wrong and know it wouldn't be acceptable in front of you.
If your husband respects you, and values your marriage enough, he will stop this behaviour immediately.
Just remember, a jealous woman is NOT attractive to a man. Even though you might be burning up inside, you have to calmly tell him that he's hurting you, and you don't feel it is acceptable. You don't mind a friendship between them, but there has to be boundaries.
I don't know your husband, he might not be wanting to cheat (if he was cheating he probably wouldn't of been as open as he has been about it all), but I would be VERY wary of this woman. It sounds like she knows what she wants, and she is out to get it - your husband. He might harmlessly be lapping up the attention, but either way it has to stop.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (11 March 2008):
It sounds like he is feeling a little bored - you should suggest doing more together, think about what it is he might feel he is lacking from you, maybe he just feels a little neglected, and is enjoying the attention from this woman.
Either way, it's not really on the way he is behaving, there are certain boundaries when you are married.
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A
female
reader, Pinky XxX +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Talk to him tell him upstraight how you feel and what you are thinking if he is loyal to you he will keep his distance from this girl, if however he still sees her behind your back then you need to tell him its over, it is wrong for anyone to treat their partners like that.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't mention we work together, so I know this girl, and she very much knows he is married. They have both also made a decision not to behave this way around me and have probably even talked about how they should act when i'm around.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I hope you see that big red flag just a wavin' to beat the band on this one honey. Tell him to knock this nonsense off immediately, it's totally unacceptable.
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