A
female
age
51-59,
*urora
writes:Just wondering is anyone has been through a court access case and can comment on whether I can be successful given my circumstances.Basically my ex partner never wanted our son, he didn't attend the birth tho I did manage to get him to put his name on the birth certificate so I know all about parental respomsibility. I have given him numerous chances to put things right but every time he has stuffed up and as far as I am now concerned I want this man out of my life.I have withdrawn his access and am now hoping to achieve supervisory access at a contact centre. I have the following on him:1. He is a manic depressive prone to severe bouts of depression and has even talked of suicide.2. His oldest son (16) from a previous relationship is autistic and prone to violent outbursts one of which resulted in him stabbing his other brother with a fountain pen.3. His other son (13), together with the older one are prone to be violent and aggressive towards each other freqently fighting and our little boy has been caught up in this.4. On the occasion where we tried to live together after 3 months he threw us out making us homeless over an argument regarding a computer keyboard which has injured our little boy.5. When our little boy is returned to me after access I always notice fresh marks on him. Though I don't question him as I feel this is wrong he voluntarily tells me these are mostly caused by his older half brothers.6. On the occasion where my ex has pointed out a mark he has lied about how it came to be there.7. Our little boy only has accidents where he wets himself when with his father.8. My ex does not bath, shower or wash him when he stays overnight.9. I have reason to believe that my ex may have left our little boy under the care of his older half brothers while he went out.10. Recently our little boy has come home hungry and thirsty and told me that he has had nothing to eat or drink.11. Incidentally, every time I mention any of this to my ex he denies everything. I feel he is making our little boy who is 3 years old out to be a liar.Finally, I have received anonymous mail recently from someone (I suspect my ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend who has tried to cause trouble before)telling me that she has been saying things about me and my children and that I was to watch my back. I got the impression that this had been done without her knowing who she was responding to. My reaction was that our little boys safety had potentially been compromised and I spoke to my ex about this. He was more concerned about defending his girlfriend than any potential safety of our little boy.So I have withdrawn all his access and am now going for supervised access within a contact centre. Please don't tell me to stop my little boy seeing his father completely. He is 3 years old, does not know what potential danger he may be in but does love his father. I also believe that a child has a right to know both his parents whatever their own personal thoughts about each other may be.Anyone been through this before. Do you think I will succeed?
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I have been through something similar. I have 2 boys and when I was divorcing their Father I did get supervised visitation for a short time. Supervised visitation is very difficult to get as it is very costly. Judges dont want to order it because it is very expensive to have to pay for a supervisor to watch over the visitation.
During the divorce process at one point my ex threw a full shampoo bottle at my older son which hit him in the face. I went to the police and to the courts and we were able to get my ex kicked out of my house (OMG what a relief that was! We were living in constant fear and tension while he was there and he wouldnt leave!) and a restraining order was put on him and he didnt see the kids for 3 months. Then he saw the kids under supervised visitation for 2 months and then was able to start seeing the alone again.
My childrens father is mentally unbalanced. He is delusional. He would verbally abuse our older son to no end. He would allow the children to watch R rated movies like Borat and War of the Worlds and The 300. My younger son was 6 and 7 and my ex was showing him these movies!! He said innappripriate things to the kids, telling them things like that I (their Mom) was a liar and a thief, that I am a pervert and that he wants them to come down to witness our divorce trial and even to testify! He called child protective services on me, and 3 differant police departments all trying to get me arrested and the children taken away from me. He lied so much during our divorce trial that the judge ended up sending him to jail for contempt of court! The judge himself called my ex husband 'Amoral'. The judge indicated that he was going to order supervised visitation seeing as he was a danger to his own kids (at least phychologically if nothing else). But in the end he did not order it. I was very dissappointed.
Because of everything, though, I did get sole custody of the children which is very unusual these days when 'shared parenting' is the norm. My ex gets limited visitation. About 1/2 of what is normal. But he does get them unsupervised and it always makes me nervous.
Document everything. Take pictures, go to the doctor, go to the police if warented. Do everything you can and then you just have to trust that the courts will do their job. I do wish you the best of luck.
~dee
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