Is he afraid of commitment, or is he's playing me?

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I need some help understanding my relationship.I been seeing this guy since September and the first mistake I made earlier on is sleeping with him before we established a relationship with each other.We kept communicating with each other days after we had sex,but when I asked him if we were dating,he asked me if I thought we were and I replied yes.Afterwards,I tried to get in touch with him and he wouldn't respond to me until I contacted him four days later when he told me he was in NY with his elderly aunt helping her after husband died.I tried to give him some time while he was in NY tending to his family so I rarely heard from him even though he insisted that he wasn't ignoring me.He didn't return until four weeks later.When we saw each other he told me about his family in NY and how things were up there.I didn't see him again until the following month in part because he works 6 days a week and lives an hour or so from where I live.He wanted us to have sex which we did.I asked him if he still thought of me as a girlfriend which he said I don't mind sleeping with you.The next stupid thing I did was get him a rather expensive Christmas present a cellphone.I told him that I didn't think that he was a serious about me as I was him.He asked me why and I told him because he won't make me his girlfriend and I totally understood that he didn't want to be with a woman he had sleep with so soon after meeting her.He told me that wasn't the case and that it was due in part that he had never been in a long distance relationship before and wanted to wait until he moved to Sarasota(by then he had relocated to Tampa) to make thing official with us and we even discuss future travel plans just like we had done the first time we had sex.Two weeks later he stopped by my job to give me his new phone number.We would talk occassionally even though he would sometime not take my calls or text.Things seemed okay even though I still wasn't sure about our relationship status.I spoke to him a few weeks before my birthday which he wished me a happy birthday although he didn't get me anything.He began calling more often until he found out get had gotten a stomach infection from kissing me.It wasn't until a week later when called to tell me that he wanted to see me after I got off from work.He stopped by and we talked.I asked if he missed me and he said he did and asked me why I thought he didn't.I told him that I thought he only wanted sex to which he tells me he wasn't and that he wouldn't be calling me if he was just interested in sex.We ended up having sex in car that same night.I spoke to him following day to see how he was and when I asked him about taking me with him the next time he was going out of town he didn't respond and I haven't been able to get in touch with him since.This has been an ongoing pattern in our relationship.Is he a commitment phobia or is he's playing me? I'm really confused one minute he seems like he cares about me and the next he seems distance.Can this relationship be salvaged and is worth saving at all?I do want to be with him I am just trying to figure out who is this guy I have been spending time with although he hasn't taken me out anywhere.Please help and I apologize for such a long entry.I just need some understanding of my confusing relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

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