A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is incredibly selfish. I am feeling right now like I am living his life with him, and I have nothing that I want, nothing of my own. I am from a different country than him, right now neither of us live in our own country, but he wants me to move to his hometown with him. I have agreed to this (begrudgingly), but I told him I want to have a baby if this is going to happen (he has been promising me we would have children for a year now). If we move to his hometown, I will have to wait 4-5 months to get legal residency and a permit, and then he wants me to work before I have a baby, so that I can get government benefits for having kids. It will not be easy for me to find a job in his country, so in total, I will very likely have to wait another year or more to have children. Also, I will be leaving behind my career and the place I have come to call home now. And I don't want to. I feel just trampled by him, and other than leaving him, I don't know what to do to solve this. I feel powerless, like he always gets his way. I'm furious and incredibly sad. He knows how hard this is for me, but he keeps saying "wait three more months". I don't know what to say or do. He assures me he wants kids, just not now, but that is what he has said all along. Should I leave? I'm feeling like its the only option, since he doesn't listen to me, and doesn't let me win at all. I feel like if I am making the sacrifice to move with him, and have nothing of my own (no career, no money) for months, he should make good on his promise to have kids. He just doesn't want to because of money, I think. I'm so hurt and angry. All advice is greatly appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): You have to stand up for yourself. A marrige is about two people not just one.
All this time you have been letting him walk all over you. Well its time to stop, if a child is what you want then set a date and tell him since you ae going to move for him on thuis date you are getting pregnant. Accept no nonsense from him.
This is the only way you will ever be happy in your marrige, if you are passive, you wont benefit from leaving him as the next guy will dominate you too.
So stop making excuses and stop complaining and start taking what you want. You deserve to be happy
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (21 March 2010):
 You don't want what he wants and he doesn't want what you want....
Don't stay with someone that does not make you happy.
You are young and have a life ahead of you.
Its not worth it to stay.
...............................
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