A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What do you think of the situation where you IM and text daily and where a man and woman have exchanged telephone numbers as well, but every time I try to call him, it goes to voicemail (both cell and house phone), and when I ask (via text) if I can call at that moment, there is always an excuse. He claims he is single and has never been married. I believe this in part based on the amount of time he spends on line with me and texting, but, when I asked him why he never wants to talk on the phone, his response was "poor timing." His job is such that in many ways he is on call 24/7 however, it seems odd he can't have one phone call! We've talked twice in almost six months! That's it! Further, we live in different states and sometimes I feel like I'm a fish nibbling at the bait but having it yanked away. He claims he wants to get together, would relocate, the blah blah blah of how this all goes with an online relationship, but, I haven't seen any effort yet. So, after all of this babble, is this man leading me down the primrose path and has no intentions of ever meeting me or what? I felt at the vary least, a phone call now and then was not too much to ask for, but, he apparently either isn't into the phone, is hiding something or someone, or maybe he's just insecure using the phone. Opinion oh wise aunts! Pretty please!!! Wanna pull my hair out on this one, as he really is a nice man or so it seems via his IMs, texts and e-mails...but I need more than virtual to keep the life in this thing going!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): haha peanut better , we need more women like you, who understand! Anyway just to add my 2 cents. I dont like talking on the phone, id much rather make it up in person hehe. So i guess talk to your long distance guy and ask him whats up. Otherwise you may never get to the bottom of it!
goodluck
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 November 2009):
 My husband was a long distance relationship when we were dating and he would text me and email me but would barely pick up the phone because he HATES the phone, talking on it etc et....
I thought this was just an excuse not to talk to me or whatever, but I trusted him and gave him the benefit of the doubt even though it drove me INSANE.
I talked to him about it and he tried to make more of an effort, which helped, but it wasn't easy!!!!
When we finally moved in with one another I saw that he WASN'T lying at all - he really does hate to use the phone. He never answers it, he ALWAYS lets it go to voice mail. He doesn't even answer it to his mum or dad, he calls them when he absolutely needs to but really doesn't like talking on the phone.
Talk to this guy, tell him how you feel, let him know that it is distancing you more and that you'd really like it if he could make the effort for conversation once in a while even if it is only occasionally and for a brief time.
If he doesn't come around and if you really can't put your trust in him, then perhaps you need to move on and find someone new that matches you better :)
Good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): HAHA sorry i have to laugh. This sounds exactly like me and the situation im in. Ok let me give it to you straight THE SIMPLE TRUTH. I HATE TALKING ON PHONES, the reason? Well thats because i suffer from depression and anxiety and it just does not give the phone any justice and to be quite honest i can become very boring on the fone and its very informal way of communication. So there you have it, the reason why i dont talk on the phone to my long distance girl. I had to explain this to her a few years ago before things got serious and she took it with a grain of salt. Now i know that your long distance guy could have a different reason, he may very well be hiding something, but i think its time you just asked him straight out. Hey who knows he might be like me, but if he is not, then im all out of help and idea's. Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, allineedistime +, writes (24 November 2009):
It's weird. However, he might just not like to talk on the phone. That is what my boyfriend pulls on me, and it's honestly just because he doesn't like to talk on the phone. It's stupid.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 November 2009):
 I agree, he's either married or just playing with you. If he really was interested in a REAL relationship with you he'd be knocking on your door. Quit hanging around your computer, put your phone in your pocket, and go out and have some actual eye to eye conversations with guys.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2009):
Any man can appear nice when he says lovely things. It's whether he ACTS on them. Here we have a man who seems to never be available. That means he's either married, or he's just not that into you. A guy who is really interested will make the effort. He doens't seem to be maing effort at all, which means either he's hiding something, or he's just not that into you. Either way, there will be somebody out there who can make you happy and who will love you. I think you might be better off finding them instead.
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A
female
reader, MKrista +, writes (23 November 2009):
 It is a little fishy that he can't seem to find the time to talk to you over the phone. For a relationship that he is claiming to be willing to "relocate" for, he should be able to speak to you more than twice in six months. I think at the very least you need to ask him flat out why he is acting weird about talking on the phone. Then tell him that you are worried that he is just playing games with you and say that if you always call at inopportune times, maybe he needs to call you instead. Set up a phone date. If he isn't okay with that, then that is a giant red flag. Another red flag is if you are too afraid to actually confront him about it. After all, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone with whom you can't even solve a problem as small as how and when to speak? And above all, trust your gut. If you really think this guy is hiding something, trust yourself above the words of this guy whom you've never met face to face and only know by his 6-months worth of eloquent words. Be brave! And good luck!
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