A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello:)Thankyou in advance for any advice!I am just wondering, say you are upset about something in your relationship, is doing the same thing back to them (to teach them a lesson) okay?On one respect I'd say no it's childish, however couldn't it make them see really how you're feeling?In my relationship I've been a bit paranoid about certain things, to do with him talking to other girls when we're out, I know it's harmless and it may seem silly, but me him and a girl we know could be talking and he will turn completely to her and blank me out... if I speak he doesn't even acknowledge that I have spoken!! and it's just like a one on one with this other girl and me just sat there... this happens a lot!Now when things like this happen and I feel a bit hurt, if I mention it I usually get the type of response like 'oh you're just being silly.'Which maybe I am, but if I'm upset I don't care!!So would it be childish to do the same thing back? and then maybe if he catches on I can say 'Well, I've felt like this before and told you about it and you've told me I was being silly etc..'Or.. will that then cause distance between us? or other problems? Help!! xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): in other words, is it a good idea to be manipulative in your relationships rather than to be honest, open and direct?
answer: manipulation can and does work on people if you are skillful in it. We all know highly manipulative people who control others to get what they want. but it tends to make those people resent you and think badly of you when they come to their senses and realize that's what you were doing to them.
if you have a problem with someone, you take it to them directly. If they invalidate their feelings, and you then do it back to them to 'show them what it feels like' , it may not have the effect you want. They could feel upset at what you did back at them and STILL not tie it to what they did to you first. then now you've just multiplied the problems in your that relationship. they could still continue invalidating you and now blaming you for what you did to them as well.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I agree, two wrongs don't make a right , and it could create more distance.
If he is not bothered at all by your revenge, he'll think of you as even sillier. If he is bothered or hurt , his first instinctive reaction will not be to think even for a second of your past hurt, " oh poor thing, now I understand how she must have felt "- his reaction will be to focus intensely on HIS present hurt.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Theres an old saying, ' two wrongs dont make a right' if you do this it could just end up making more distance between you.
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