A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2.5 years. A lot of people thought he would be my rebound because I had literally just gotten out of a terrible 3.5 year relationship a week prior but we managed to work through a lot of shit together. (In regards to the week thing, I never cheated on my ex; I'd finally had enough of his abusive behavior toward me and found solace in the guy I'd been talking to in a friendly manner for over a year.)Anyway, our relationship started out fantastically. For the first year, we were having sex from the get-go, nearly five times a day, every day. Even when I was on my period. We were so emotionally and physically into each other, I just knew he was the one. We shared everything together and made a ton of plans for the wedding and talked about kids. It was, now that I think about it, the "honeymoon phase" of a young relationship. The next year, however, came the emotional turmoil.First, I want to say that he has NEVER made me feel bad about myself, ever. He's never forced himself on me (unless we're roleplaying) and has never made me feel stupid or anything like that (not on purpose anyway). But we've nearly broken up about a dozen times since our one year anniversary and our fights just keep getting closer together. Sometimes, I actually feel like I'm only staying with him because I'm too afraid of being alone. Honestly, I haven't been properly single since I was 17 (I'm nearly 23 now).We joke a lot about him being the Ron Weasley to my Hermione Granger (Harry Potter characters). We've both got bad tempers and we usually take it out on each other. That sounds terrible but it's kind of true. Sometimes I also feel like I'm still with him because I feel he's the only one who truly understands me. Sexually, we've declined considerably and to be honest, from the get-go, he's never been THAT good at sex. He's only my third sex partner (I'm his second) and he's the best I've ever had but seriously, that's not saying much. He's impotent and it takes him bloody FOREVER to cum. I've blamed myself for this before but he tells me, frequently, it's because he was a chronic masturbator as a teen.And now, we're both in school, working full-time and living together and things are just stressful. I realize with all that going on, stress will be natural but I find myself shutting down a lot. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't even try at the relationship anymore and I keep trying but he rejects me sometimes. I know we still love each other and things are just super stressful right now because of everything going on but honestly, something's gotta give, right?By the way, neither of us, literally, has time to cheat, so it's not because of that.
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Number one -- communication is a pitfall in most relationships. Make sure you tell him all of this, because it could all just be a huge miscommunication.
Did you guys take on all of this right as you moved in with each other? That could be a huge thing... If you both decided to work and do school full time, you're both burning yourselves out by the time you get home, and not really making any headspace for each other, so to speak... I'd suggest both of you slowing down your class or work schedules if possible, and maybe ramp up what you're doing. Keep in mind, you guys just got into a living situation, so you guys, with all of your responsibilities, haven't really been given a chance to just enjoy being with each other, and easing into understanding the weight of each others' responsibilities/hobbies/interests/work/ect...
Sounds like he's just tired and maybe had a series of bad days, and doesn't know how to convey it in words, or doesn't want to accidentally take it out on you verbally, so he pushes you away... Slowing down your schedules and some couple time sounds like what the doctor ordered. If he continues to push you away, then you're going to have to accept the situation as what it is, and move on...
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (2 November 2012):
Number one -- communication is a pitfall in most relationships. Make sure you tell him all of this, because it could all just be a huge miscommunication.
Did you guys take on all of this right as you moved in with each other? That could be a huge thing... If you both decided to work and do school full time, you're both burning yourselves out by the time you get home, and not really making any headspace for each other, so to speak... I'd suggest both of you slowing down your class or work schedules if possible, and maybe ramp up what you're doing. Keep in mind, you guys just got into a living situation, so you guys, with all of your responsibilities, haven't really been given a chance to just enjoy being with each other, and easing into understanding the weight of each others' responsibilities/hobbies/interests/work/ect...
Sounds like he's just tired and maybe had a series of bad days, and doesn't know how to convey it in words, or doesn't want to accidentally take it out on you verbally, so he pushes you away... Slowing down your schedules and some couple time sounds like what the doctor ordered. If he continues to push you away, then you're going to have to accept the situation as what it is, and move on...
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