A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:For the past two months, I've had my eye on this guy who goes to my school. Let's call him "C". C is two years younger than me. We've started dating a little over a week ago. I've convinced myself that I really like him, but now I'm not so sure. I've been very depressed for the past four days. I've stopped eating and have gone on an all energy drink diet. I'm not happy in school anymore. I'm not as happy as I feel I should be- or used to be. I feel like I want to cry all the time. I feel like I'm walking on a slim line. I don't know. I feel I should be happy. Everything is going alright- I'm dating the guy I've liked for two months, I have friends at school, I'm getting passable grades... I don't know what's wrong. I thought not dating C would rob me of my happiness. But I've never been more depressed since starting school. For the past two months, I've wanted him. Now I have him and I'm unhappy. Is it possible to become this depressed in a matter of four days?
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male
reader, Nitsua A. Siwel +, writes (4 December 2012):
Hey Girl,
You know when John Lennon said, “All you need is love,” I think he forgot to consider the other possible circumstances. Disregarding what I have just mentioned, I’m sorry for this difficult time you are going through currently and I feel like I can help you possibly figure out what’s going on. There could be a dozen other possible reasons why you feel the need to cry all the time or unfortunately be as indecisive as you are, but changing your eating habits isn’t a rational way to cope with this scenario. The first thing you really need to do is to readjust your eating habits, then to look at what is causing your depression and how you can possibly clear your foggy thoughts.
Based on Amanda Geary’s, “The Food and Mood Handbook: Find Relief at Last from Depression, Anxiety, PMS, Cravings, and Mood Swings”, Food can affect your mood, and what you choose to put into your moth can influence your state of mind (7, pg.1). By switching to an “all energy drink diet”, you are not helping yourself. When you think about it, your possible depression is causing you to be fatigued, thus making you crave energy drinks in order to keep you remotely conscience for school. By hearing you say, “passable grades”, that does not sound too convincing that you are doing that well anymore, or recently, in school either. All those fats and sugars are going to take a toll on your body if you don’t eat more properly balanced meals. I promise you, get back on a healthy regular diet consisting of real meals, if not at least light meals, every day. That will help you think with more clarity so school won’t have to be such a drag. Along with eating healthier, you will also notice your mood will alter to a slightly more positive direction; and not just because your stomach is satisfied.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “Depression is more than just a sadness. People with depression may experience a lack of interest and pleasure in daily activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleeping, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, feeling worthlessness or excessive guilt and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.” Depression is a serious condition without a doubt, but from what I’ve noticed, sometimes hoping to find the right person isn’t as easy as finding a good book to read. If we’re looking at this person separately, I feel that you liked the idea of being with him instead of the possibility of actually being with him. A.K.A: the reality of the given circumstances compared to the idea of the given circumstances. That could be a reason why you didn’t essentially become happier once you two started dating. Another thought is that maybe other deeper issues that you haven’t addressed yet could be holding you back from fully appreciating and liking this person. Whether it’s something that has happened to you in the past directly or indirectly, it could have made an influence on your life and you’re using that experience as a sort of defense mechanism to help you through this relationship you have with “C”. If that’s the case than possible therapy may be needed in order to really get into the issue.
I personally know what you are going through, for I was in a relationship for about a month and I thought I had found a really special girl that would in return clear my thoughts and make me happier. In the end, I only became more depressed and moped around about her for a strong six months. The only thing that helped me out of it all was me telling myself things like, “just be happy! Being sad won’t gain myself anything more than sympathy and elongated sadness.” So with that in mind, I hope you understand that this is a very typical scenario and very easy to work out of; with its fragility.
With all that I’ve said, I give you these options: 1) Get back on track with a good balanced diet. If anything, it doesn’t even have to be balanced as long as it’s real food and not just energy drinks. 2) Be single for a while. Learn to be independent and when the time is right, that special someone will come around without you even wanting him/her or knowing it. It’s in those moments when you find the truly special kind of person. Not only will you be able to live amongst yourself harmoniously, but you’ll be able to have a strong relationship with another partner. As said by Veronica A. Shoffstall, “Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” 3) I personally think “C” could help you deal with this dilemma. This person could give you his intake and help you work through it, and possibly making you two become stronger and closer as a result. If you don’t feel comfortable enough yet to confront him about the issue, than that’s completely understandable for a new relationship like your own. I sincerely wish the best of luck to you and “C”. As I’m sure your friends might have told you, no one can simply give you the answer to solving the problem, you have to find it within yourself; for it’d be the most honest answer you could possibly find. Give it time, take it easy, take deep breaths, think happy thoughts, and give it all you got.
Sincerely,
Nitsua A. Siwel
P.S. For more information on depression relating to diets and relationships, you can go to these websites:
http://www.depression-help-for-you.com/diet-for-depression.html
http://www.sandiegotherapistcounselor.com/the-effects-of-depression-relationships.html
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 PS: Them energy drinks are full of caffeine.. not good for the mind and may affect sleep. Caffeine, disturbance in sleep or poor nutrition in food WILL affect your moods.
Your main priority is to change your diet. Throw away them energy drinks.
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A
female
reader, MRI94 +, writes (4 December 2012):
Dear Anonymous,
I really am sorry to hear the pain you are going through. I’m no professional here, but I think my advice will help you, in which ever way you take it. I sympathize for you because it wasn’t too long ago that I went through something similar to what you are. I am merely two years older than you, so I feel I can relate rather well. It seems to me, that the problem you are facing is a sense of depression with an unknown cause. The change of diet and your constant feeling of the need to cry are two pieces to your puzzle. Depression can turn into a serious illness, take the time to get back on a healthy diet and talk with someone to see if it really is depression or simply a change you are going through.
I personally think that the most dominant problem leading to your “depression” is the unhealthy diet you have put yourself on. In the article, “Another Reason to Skip Energy Drinks: They Could Cause Depression and Anxiety”, Dr. Kaayla Daniel says that “Energy drinks…are risky and dangerous for our mental health”. It is proven that people with an unhealthy diet have a higher risk of becoming depressed or increases your depression. Having an all energy drink diet is very harmful to your mental and physical health. All the sugar now going through your body can surely do some damage. This can be the reason of you feeling of “walking on a slim line”, this may just show how you aren’t thinking right, you may be depriving yourself of sleep, and we all know how bad that can be. If you want to get to the happy state you were in, I suggest getting back onto the healthy diet you once were on. I suggest completely taking energy drinks out of your life as they can do harm in the long run of your health. It may sound hard but if you want the long life that we all dream of, health is the first thing that should be on your mind.
Now I know I just discussed how energy drink can increase depression, but did you ever think that it may be the changes in your body having you think like this? Yes, hormones. You may be going through, a time where hormones are raging through your body and taking over your thought, leading to these difficult mood swings you may be encountering. You could be having a difficult time coping with the changes and may just think it is something else. “Low estrogen is a risk for depression, though estrogen out of balance is probably a risk for anxiety too” states Trish Morse, in her online article, “Hormones Affect Anxiety and Depression”. My advice would be to not question your relationship with “C” because if he didn't like you he wouldn't be with you, and you both clearly like each other. Secondly I would recommend talking with someone. Sometimes talking is the best thing to do, maybe to a friend, family school councilor, or relative. If you aren't the “talking” type of girl, then maybe try exercise. Walking or running, try the gym, this really helps me clear my mind when there is too much to think about at one time. If neither of these are your type, then I would suggest keeping a journal and letting your feelings speak for themselves. Just don’t let these feeling be locked up inside of you, because the outcome of it is always unknown.
In reality, it is no question to me that you have a lot of things on your mind that need to be thought over. Like mentioned earlier, talking exercising or keeping a journal are just three of many ways to deal with depression. I recommend that if your feelings haven’t changed in two or more weeks, seeing a professional to sort out your thoughts. Don’t let these problems you are dealing with change the direction of your life because life is worth the fight. Sometimes changing the little things in life can really make the big difference you are looking for. I wish you the best of luck as you go through this hard time in life.
P.S I have attached some website links that give you plenty of information on where to get help for depression if this gets further out of hand. I really hope you consider it for the best of you. Good luck!
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/further-information-about-depression/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
http://youthbeyondblue.com/get-help/for-depression/
Sincerely,
MRI94
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 December 2012):
"I've stopped eating and have gone on an all energy drink diet. I'm not happy in school anymore"
1. Forget about guys and stop worrying about them
2. Start eating normal foods, a low calorie diet full of sugar will make your head go funny.
3. Why aren't you happy at school. Apart from the guys, what else has changed.
Write down your thoughts in a diary every day. What upsets you, what makes you happy.
Update your post in one week and tell us how you feel. Alternatively, if you feel the same after a week, go and see a doctor, or talk to your mum (or close older woman relative)
You have to have a low mood for at least 2 weeks, caused by nothing at all before anyone can even consider depression. At the moment, you sound like a normal teenager, confused, maybe bored and frustrated in romance.
Go for a walk everyday, get fit, eat well, sleep properly, spend some time with your girlfriends. Don't dwell on your problems.
Good luck, the boyfriend problems will sort themselves out, they always do. If C is making you unhappy, ask for a break and then go out with friends until you make up your mind about what you want.
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A
female
reader, Wel Rehtse H +, writes (4 December 2012):
Dear anonymous,
What is depression? True depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, frustration, loss or anger interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer. However, According to A.D.A.M Medical encyclopedia depression may also be described as “feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or just down in the dumps.” The cause of depression is unknown, but there are many things that play a role in depression including: alcohol or drug use, genes, certain medical conditions, medications, sleeping problems, and even stressful events like job loss, divorce, or breaking up with someone. For you I feel like this is just the case, you are receiving a mild form of depression or are “just down in the dumps” because of the many factors that contribute to mild depression. You are becoming confused about your new relationship and uncertain about life at school simply because of your health and inside feelings. I promise you if you were to take better care of yourself and be positive than everything would get better.
“Stopped eating and gone on an all energy drink diet?” That does not sound like the best choice. By you barely eating or not eating at all and going on an all energy drink diet there is not doubt on why your mood has been depressed. Health is a major part of depression and bad health conditions ultimately increases the risk of depression. For 4 days now you have said you have been unhappy could that possibly be because you have not eaten and have maybe been getting less sleep than you normally do? And the energy drinks are not as great as you think they might be. In fact Brenda Goodman on Webmd.com furthers this statement with “The energy drinks you are taking may provide you with a boost from sugar and caffeine, but the boost is usually followed by a low that is common with leaving people to feel worse than before they took it.” I know you say that you are not as happy as you used to be, but if you were to sleep, eat right, and take care of any other possible health issues than you would be able to have a clearer outlook each and every day being more awake and aware of your true feelings.
Wanting to ‘cry all the time’ and ‘walking on a slim line’ is not the way you should feel especially when you say you have friends at school, passable grades, and even a new boyfriend “C,” but if you really have been depressed ever since school started there has to be a reason why. Why have you thoughts changed from two months ago about this guy? You say you have wanted him and now you have him, I think you should be happy. The reason could be because it is common for people who have depression (even at the slightest form) to have a hard time with relationships. Even if you have had healthy relationships in the past and are not severely depressed you could be having confusion about this guy simply because of side effects that people mix up with true deep depression. In other words because of the feelings of your mile depression you could be lacking a desire for a relationship. Psychotherapist Christine Webber stated that Depression even decreases the “desire for sex,” but it goes for relationships altogether too. Think about it, it has only been two months that you have been dating “C” and you already do not like him if that were true than you would not have said that you wanted him so badly. Although, it could just be the psychological part of depression working too, meaning that maybe your feelings toward relationships are not great, an event has happened that makes you look down upon relationships, or you do not think you’re worth being in a relationship. No matter what the reason you might have though you should have a positive outlook on this new relationship. I mean he would not be in the relationship with you if he was not happy with you; therefore, he wants to be with you. You should give this new guy a chance because if you do not you might let go of someone you could possibly fall in love with or even ruin your capabilities to hold further relationships with this continued attitude. Plus this would be a good opportunity to learn even if he was not the guy for you.
My advice for you would be to just take your happy life back from depression. These feelings of sadness have not been going on long enough from what you have told me for it to be a serious condition. Just come to realize that your bad health habits will not make you better. So first things first, get a hold of your health! Go on a healthier diet, one that consists of food and not just energy drinks. Second, just realize that having a negative attitude towards yourself or a certain situation like your sudden confusion will only make you sadder. So get to the root of your true feelings and try and look on the bright side! I guaranteed that life at school, your situation with this guy, and life altogether will be better if you do so and on another thought try talking to “C” if you’re comfortable enough. I mean if “C” is the right guy for you than he would be able to help you with whatever you’re going through or at least who be there to listen and sometimes that is all we really needed. Also if might bring you two closer together. However, if you are not comfortable enough, but want further help then try maybe joining a support group, seeing a doctor, or checking one of the following web pages for more information and stories on depression and healthy relationships:
1. http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/natural-treatments
2. http://www.links2love.com/advice.htm
3. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/how-can-i-help-myself-if-i-am-depressed.shtml
4. http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6
And with that, I wish the best of luck to you and “C.” Take it easy, give it time and “Don’t let depression get the best of you.”
Sincerely,
Wel Rehtse H
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (11 November 2012):
 HI
I think it stems from not eating properly. I know you may think otherwise but trust me when I say this, when you don't eat a proper healthy diet and starve yourself it will be detremental to your health and mood. Try eating cereal, a light lunch, then plenty of veg and fish in the evenings. if the fish is not possible too often then stick with white meats. drink plenty of water, but most of all stop thinking your not worth holding onto! you have the guy of your dreams, he excepted you for who you are, his happy, so don't feel negative thinking he will no longer find you attractive ok :) be happy, because life goes by so fast before you know it your doing a 9-5 job, raising kids paying bills, and bka blabla lol. yur doing great just believe in yourself.
Mandy xx
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