A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy many years ago online and we started to have cybersex. It became very intense and eventually we fell in love. We spent many hours talking on phone, IM, email etc. We plan on getting married but due to some unforseen circumstance have not yet done that. Recently i realised he is IM persons who show themseleves to him while he masturbates. Would you consider this cheating.?
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male
reader, dannn  +, writes (11 February 2011):
Have you met this man in real life? Online dynamics are fairly different from face to face. Yes I would consider it cheating, he shouldn't need that sort of connection with someone else. Because when you are having cyber sex there is that element of connection. Perhaps suggest porn for him?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Yup. Not allowed. Unless, you know, you guys settled it in advance and it's, um, allowed. Otherwise no. Not as bad as driving for a booty call, but bad.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (8 February 2011):
any sort of sexual goings on with another person whether it be physical or through cyberworld is cheating
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I would consider it cheating. Whether or not it is for you depends on the boundaries of your relationship. If you both agree that it is acceptable then it is acceptable. Personally I would find this most upsetting and hurtful. If you haven't discussed it yet, you should discuss it now, calmly but honestly. Tell him how YOU feel about it. If you are not happy with that sort of behaviour, you need to tell him it is not acceptable to you. If he wants to continue, then you can decide to stay or leave. If he has done it secretly, and tried to hide it from you.... I would consider it deceitful and I would find it difficult to trust him. In my experience, all these things need to be discussed and have a mutual understanding about what is expected accepted and NOT accepted. I have learnt not to assume anything.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Cheating has different definitions in different relationships. Many people would consider this cheating, some would think not because there has been no physical contact.
How do you feel about it? I personally see anything that betrays your partners trust as cheating, you have to make up your own mind what this means to you.
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A
female
reader, Catflap1 +, writes (31 January 2011):
Yes. Not only that but he seems to have a real problem. I think you may find this is as far as he connects with women - remotely. I also think that you may have a big problem too, which is you don't have a good set of boundaries to help you decide who is a good person or not and as a result are in great danger of choosing a very bad one. There is a great big red flag waving. You will never be able to trust this man. He is very likely a narcissist. Being able to trust a person sexually is fundamental in a relationship. He may be grooming you to comply.
Maybe he is going through a bad patch such as a depression but it ain't worth taking the risk.
Somene who really loved you would know you having met you and proved that they would go to great efforts to show you that you are cherished. You would both take much more care in selecting each other. You would know his family and friends and be able to pick up that he is a good person.
These types who heap on romantic love whilst indulging in online activities are not wholesome.
I know because I married one like him and regret it so much. It took years to recover. He made the impression that he adored me and wnted to look after me but both me and my little boy ended up in therapy. He just moved on to the next victim, she found me through facebook and we both have very bad stories to tell. If I were you I would make a list of things that you need to make a good relationship and see a counsellor to talk them through as well as understand how to avoid taking the kind of risk that you are in danger or taking. Be careful.
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