A
female
age
30-35,
*oseofdawn
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and up until recently things have been amazing. We're both in college and he's under a certain amount of pressure to be single, but he's always been more mature than them and has coped fine. Recently he talked about him having a few days like a Friday to Sunday as a break so he could think about us and everything. Then later he added he also wants this time to flirt and potentially hook up with other girls. I was really shocked and hurt.Our sex life is not lacking and he's promised me it's not that, it's just that he's in college and all though he loves me more than anything, he just wants a few days to reassure himself he wants to be in a relationship. This whole thing hurts so much and up until then we were happily planning the 6 weeks his parents are away that we would both live at his house. He says he's 99% sure he'll come running back after 1 night of clubbing and being around other girls. He also added that he would prefer I did the same (I HATE that idea) for the few days.I gave a vague agreement answer and cried a lot, but I feel sick in my stomach and every time I see photos of us (that he framed for me) I want to cry.Did I do the right thing??
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a break, clubbing, flirt, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): No, don't agree to anything that devalues you.You are valuable.Keep that in mind.Value yourself, and don't let anyone hold you in less value.If he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship, make it easy for him and break it off and tell him that you aren't waiting for him to figure that out, because you already did want to be in one and need someone who knows they want you as much as you want them.Hard thing to do, but important.Value yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): I would call him selfish if he didn't want you doing the same thing while he is doing it. But he actually suggested you do the same.
It really just boils down to a LDR threatening to come apart for the typical reasons. I would not read any more personal rejection into it than this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Open relationship...total rubbish. He just wants to hook up with other girls and get your permission first so he can have you waiting for him when he's finished and ready to go back to his wonderful gf he already has. You deserve better! I really feel for you, I can only imagine how much of a slap in the face that would be. You should do what's best for yourself and break it off, he doesn't deserve you and is just using you, how can you ask someone for that when you really care??! Horrible...
Yes so even though it will be dreadful at the start, it will get better and you will meet way better guys just waiting to meet you sweetie. Guys that are commited and faithful to you.
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A
female
reader, Lollilocks  +, writes (31 October 2010):
Listen I'm not exactly sure if you did the right thing but i know you did it out of hatred because you felt hurt. I think the best thing would be is ask yourself if you did anything to make him feel boxed it or shut out from others. If you know you didn't do anything then, have a nice talk with him tell him how feel in a nice way to avoid arguing. Then listen to how he feels and compromise and figure out what you feel you should do work it out or break up its you choice. Good luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 No you did not !
If nothing else, because you agreed to something that in fact makes you cry.Don't ever say yes when you mean no- EVER.
But all in all the whole scenario is ridicolous - he wants to cheat ( He does not exclude hooking up ) and he wants your blessing too ?? And you are giving it to him ??
If he needs reassurance he still wants a relationship, then he does NOT really want a relationship;if he were sure about his feelings and committment to you , he would need no reassurance.
Talk about wanting to keep his cake and eat it too- and you are enabling him to do that.
It always unnerves me when people takes "college " or "student life " or "peer pressure " as a legitimate excuse or justification for any kind of immature ,selfish, reproachable behaviour, I mean, it's ADULTS we are talking about , not grade school kids. Young people , yes, but still adult people who should already know well about stuff like exercising self control, respecting their partner, keeping their word etc.
Right now you are helping him to ...never have to make choices and never have to grow up. Even if your couple survives this experiment , you won't have a boyfriend, at most a spoiledbratfriend !
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (31 October 2010):
 For me 1, Open relationship to me is out of the question. If someone wants an open relationship and they are ok with me sleeping with other people, then I don't want to be with that person. I am very much in love and happy with my fiance, but if he ever said something like that to me I could leave him, no questions asked. That to me is bull. He wants to have cake and eat it to and you are giving him the spoon/fork to do it. If you aren't comfortable with the situation, then tell him so. You're both in college and mature (right?) he should understand that you aren't comfortable with the open relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be faithful to him. It sounds to me that he does not want to be in a relationship, because if he did want to be in one then he wouldn't have made the suggestion or wanted a "break" as an excuse to screw other people. My advise; tell him how you feel, if he doesn't care then tell him he has to go.
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