A
male
age
36-40,
*txi
writes:Me and this girl have known each other for 8 years now through contact over the internet. Earlier this year we found out our mutual love for each other, we were in regular contact and loved just taking to each other. After I graduated I decided to spend my summer in America working on a temporary VISA, so of course I chose her university town.We met, and it really was everything we both hoped. We both agree that we've never had a better time with someone of the opposite sex.Then things got a bit shaky, we didn't know why but things were still going good, just awkward. We were fine together but when we were apart there wasn't any real contact. I met her family and friends, we saw movies together and she even wanted to lose her virginity with me. (It didn't happen in the end, don't want to go into details but it didn't harm the relationship)Things were building up that way but were also getting more awkward when we were apart, until we spoke a few days ago and she said that she simply doesn't feel that way about me anymore. We spoke and she said that it wasn't anything I did, anything I am or any way I acted. It was simply that she felt under pressure.She is in her second year of university now, we only had 2 months together because of the VISA (only 2 weeks of that left now) and before we met we both built this relationship up to be something massive and impressive, which it was, but we soon started focussing more on the relationship than having fun with each other. Not only that but because I had a busy work schedule (out the house from 10am-11pm on all days apart from the weekend and wednesday which was 10am-3pm) she felt that she had to spend the weekends and wednesdays with me. She never mentioned this to me and it built up in her mind until the relationship just became another commitment that she felt guilty about and forced to stick to.Now, I really want things to work with her, I want her to know that the relationship didn't need to be like that and in fact to me it wasn't. I want her to know that the relationship should have taken away from her stress because I could have helped her and she could have confided in me (in fact she always used to until later) But I know that when a woman loses that feeling for you there's nothing you can do. We had a brief breaking up chat and I was very calm through it, I didn't break down and I didn't force her because I just knew that that would put her off more, we just chatted about why it didn't work (we even had a bit of a laugh whilst doing it and parted with a hug). But I also didn't let her know about what could have been, that I just wanted to enjoy life and share it with her.I was thinking about writing a letter, but should I write it as a proposal for another chance (she said that she really enjoys my company, there wasn't a problem with the chemistry between us) or as a final goodbye, with what could have been and well-wishes for the future? (I don't want to cut her out of my life but it would cause too much hut to keep her in it)I know that when a woman loses that special feeling for you you can't get it back (without a lot of time and effort), but might it be possible to re-kindle some spark?It has to be a letter, something that she can re-read and not avoid or ignore, also it would let me get all my feelings down without interruption.Any advice on what to mention or how to word the letter is very much appreciated.Thank you all
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Itxi +, writes (28 September 2010):
Itxi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou, but it really wasn't the virginity thing. It really wasn't, we talked about it and everything in that department was fine.
The problems started way before that anyway, she always seemed like she didn't want to wait a moment longer when it came to parting ways etc, it really was just the pressure.
I take it from what you said that it's impossible for me and her to be back together though, I can't be friends with her, that just wouldn't work. :(
Thankyou for the advice
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (28 September 2010):
 It all sounded good, then the bit about why she didnt lose her virginity to you, that's probably where it went wrong in my eyes. You may be best just keeping friends if that's possible. You could write your feelings down for her to read, it may make her realize how you really feel, or she may just reply to it letting you know of her feelings. Sometimes it can be easier to write rather than face to face. After all the relationship was sustained for a long time via internet. One way or another you may get the answers your looking for even if it's not what you want to hear. Hope this helps
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