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female
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anonymous
writes: Is a missing condom a clear indication of someone cheating on you?I'm a suspicious person, i admit. I try to find ways to make sure someone isnt cheating on me. My b/f says in the past he has gotten very tired of my behavior which i can see but i still am most definitely sure i saw a condom missing a few months ago. I casually brought this topic up with him and i said i thought i saw a condom missing awhile ago..and his answer was are you kidding me? And then he said--well you usually say something if anything bothers you, why didn't you say this? And i said well what would you have told me? And his answer was nothing i guess b/c there is nothing to tell.A person can always be a good liar. My good friend said this isn't such a great indication of anything. If he was cheating--i wouldn't have to cound condoms to know. There would be other signs rather than an isolated incident. This was months ago and i let it go but sometimes i still think about it....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Well .. I was seeing a girl for four months and discovered two condoms missing from her bed side draw. She lives alone. we dont use condoms. One night she had a christmas party and three of her girlfriends slept over. the next night I went over and discovered 2 condoms missing ? I questioned her about it and said she had no Idea ? She told me she questioned her friends and they said no idea - so that has left me with no idea and no idea what to do. I feel for you...
A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (11 November 2006):
Not to sound harsh, but here goes nothing: Get a Life! By that, I mean stop wasting time snooping around your bf's place. If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be with him. Trust me: A man will do what he wants to do, regardless of your feelings! So, you can either stay with him and stop being suspecious by living your own life- or dump him and move on to a man that you can trust. Do not stress yourself out over a man who's not worthy! Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Umm look for more signs before you make up your mind. Or you could hire a private detective like on that TV show cheaters:-P
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): My b/f would not use it for that--he doesnt even wanna use one when with me.
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A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (8 November 2006):
he could have used it whilst masturbating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Hi guys--i counted them one week--and then the next recounted--and thats when one was missing..it was like a month later i did this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):
Let the decent in to paranoia begin!
Now that you have tipped your hand about the condoms he will make sure that they are all in place in the future. In fact, if all the condoms *are* accounted for that will be a sign that he is cheating, because dont some normally fall under the bed? Are we really supposed to believe that none got lost in the last two month? Bastard has obviously been keeping tabs on them.
And now that he knows the littlest thing can set you off he has to be extra careful. If he happens to bump into a highschool friend's sister he has to be sure not to mention it to you, because you'd never understand how that could happen innocently. Ditto on revealing the genders of everyone who is going to be at the work conference in a remote city. Obviously the company would never assign a man and a *woman* to work on a project together, so why has he been working late.
The more you keep looking the more evidence you'll find!
The only choice is to get mental help for youself or wait for the breakup.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Even though he does not have a roomate?
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A
female
reader, Confused S +, writes (8 November 2006):
 I was exactly the same with my ex, i was very insecure and was always accusing him of things(mainly about other women), but i had no leg to stand on.He would tell me time & again that i was being irrational...In the end i ruined our relationship with an amazing guy! Dont let your insecurities get the better of you, he's with you because he wants to be!! Good luck hun, i know just how you are feeling, be strong & dont jump to conclusions....
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A
female
reader, nobody +, writes (8 November 2006):
Argh, listen, my ex boyfriend accused me of cheating for exactly the same reason, with NO grounding at all!!
I hadnt even thought about cheating, but my flatmate had pinched a couple of condoms and hadnt mentioned it. When my ex noticed he got really upset and then angry... it ended up being the straw that broke the camels back... i think you should just trust him!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): People who cheat are usually very good at counting condoms and covering their tracks, I know my EX husband cheated on me three times and i only found out after we got divorced. Don't let this spoil all the love that you have for each other. Enjoy each day. Forgot the condom. When you come home and half the house is missing then worry!!
Take care and best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): its me who posted question---it wasn't just thought...pretty sure of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): If a partner wanted to cheat on someone, they could quite easily lie about it convincingly and you'd never know. Not matter how suspicious you are.
The condom paranoia seems irrational, perhaps? It's not as if condoms are difficult to buy? You're boyfriend would have to be an idiot to make such a foolish mistake, if he were cheating on you.
It seems to me that you are looking for all the signs of him cheating, so much so your thoughts have been polluted by your insecurities and now you see it happening in every little thing that makes you question.
If you want to have a happy successful relationship you need to deal with your insecurities. Some people do this by talking to their partner and getting to understand each other more closely, others require assistance from some kind of therapist.
I do think you need to do something. It must be horrible to think your partner could be cheating or lying to you just because you "thought" you saw a missing condom, that kind of insecurity will slowly eat away at you, and your relationship.
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