A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have kept my kinks under wraps for a few years and since breaking up with my girlfriend, I wanted a fresh view.I have been worried that women would be put off by my kinks because they do not match the friendly, kind personality I have. I guess I thought they would assume I was really a psychopath or worse.I know communication is important when, but because I have these sexual fantasies, I would ideally like to find a girl with the opposite needs to me in the bedroom.But how do you broach the subject? What do I do if she doesn't like it? Should I suppress that part of my sexuality? I'm pretty confused about the whole issue. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (2 May 2012):
 No I doubt it will scare women away.. I'm sure a lot of npeople like role play and to be tied up..
When you find a women just make a suggestion about roleplay tell her what you would like to do then if she doesn't like it tell her ok :) either find someone else or see if she comes round to it after time !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers so far. In answer to the question you both had, I prefer dominating but in a soft bondage way with scarves rather than some of extreme BDSM fetishes with chains. My exterior personality doesn't quite sync up with the whole dominating role very well.
A question to GetUp about compromise: the idea of being tied and gagged can really freak people out, so if the girl I knew wanted to please me but wasn't into bondage, she would have to endure mild discomfort for me to fulfil my kink. Are women really willing to do that? Won't that push her away? Would they resent me?
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A
female
reader, GetUp  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Do you mean that you like being dominated or being the dominating one?I think that suppressing your sexual needs is the worst thing you can do, but if you find a girl you like who doesn't quite meet your needs, you can always try to work around it and compromise. Remember that communication is key. If you guys are really attracted to each other then I'm sure there's some way to satisfy both your needs.I know what you mean when you say that you worry that women may be surprised by your kinks because they don't seem to fit your personality. I am the same way. I tend to enjoy the feeling of being dominated or vulnerable, but there is no way that anyone could have ever guessed that from my personality. (I don't think I would ever tell anyone in real life because that's a bit embarrassing for me.)I am sure that other girls are like this too. You may be surprised to find that some girls like to be the one in control (if that's what you fancy), despite how they act in general.As for broaching the subject, you should obviously do it at a time when you know each other fairly well and your level of trust is strong. Perhaps you could approach the topic a few days before you have sex, or you can even have a little game such as "I'll tell you my kinks if you tell me yours." That would be interesting.If you find that she doesn't quite fit your needs that well, then I can't really tell you what to do here. It's your choice, really. If you think that sex is a major part of a relationship and that this will cause a huge problem, then maybe she is not the girl for you. If you think that this is simply a minor inconvenience, then great, enjoy your time with her.In the end though, I don't think you should suppress your fetishes, but rather embrace them.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (1 May 2012):
Hi it depends on what kind of kinks you have got??
Some women find some bondage frightening and not for them.. But you could try online dateing that way you could confess before meeting them about your fantasies..
I'm sure you will find the right lady that will be in to kinky stuff and you will get a few knock backs but hey you have to get back up..
If someone likes you for you they will respect you and try to please you the way you like to be pleased like the waythey like to be pleased. If that makes sence!
:)
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