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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Well, I'm a 27 year f who met this guy (33) online initially on MS...and later added him to FB after a couple of months or should I say years (his first message to me from MS was back in 2009) of me ignoring him. I was in a relationship at the time and wasn't interested. Anyhoo, fast foreward to Oct. 11' and one day out of the blue he messaged me again and I guess at the time I finally let my guard down. I'm overall glad that I did since we had a lot in common and got along pretty well.We spoke/chatted/cammed constantly until the wee-hours of the morning for at least two weeks and finally decided to meet each other. He made plans to come down and see me, but since I was in the process of moving into a new place ( had ended a ltr) I insisted on taking a break from my hecticness and see him over the weekend in his city (We live roughly 4 hours from each other). The first meet up went really well...even too well due to the fact that we were intimate. But we are adults and did what we both wanted to do.Afterwards, we kept up the communication constantly as before. Texting, calling and even cam/chatting via fb. He had went on vacation a week or so after meeting up for the first time...and was even communicating with me while being abroad. When he got back (Dec-Jan), we tried to plan out our second meet up. But due to time constraints/bad planning/life it never fell through. I was making a new transition in my life in regards to moving/getting situated with finishing school...I wanted to get those things settled in my life first..before pursuing something romantically. But I noticed that communication between us started to change around feb-march. We were not talking as consistently as before. I suppose because he was frustrated with not being able to see me but he never said anything. But I wound up confronting him about it because he would send me mixed messages. At one point he was really keen on seeing me...we'd make plans...and at the last minute he would change them. He said it was due to family...so I gave him the benefit of the doubt but I wanted to be sure. He kept assuring me that he wanted to meet me...that he enjoyed my company...and was keen on getting to know me better. He is not completely at fault here since there were a couple of times where I had to cancel as well. Call it school, work..or whatever. At one point we were even asking each other if he/I had lost interest or started dating someone else. Finally in late March after the dust on my end settled I made some last minute plans to see him. He suggested that we meet in another city ( since he was planning on driving 5 hours there anyway to look at a boat) and drive all the way back to his city together. I wound up staying at his place about four days. Sadly he had to work two of them...but he gave me an extra set of keys to come and go as I please until his shift ended. The time we spent together was nice...although somewhat awkward since we hadn't seen each other in person for so long. Before I the trip, I suggested that he and I take it a bit slower (without being intimate) as on our first date....and while I was there, he completely respected my wishes and was a gentleman. I wanted to talk about it with him (to see if it was more or less a casual thing...but I never had the balls to bring it up). He opened up a lot to me and the whole trip ended on a good note...and we even showed interest in seeing each other again.My question is: Communication on his end has died off again and I'm wondering if I should just back off for a bit until he reaches out to me...or if I should move on. It started over two weeks ago (last text being around the 10th)...when I hadn't heard anything from him. During this time he hadnt been on FB...nor had he tried to get in contact with me. Finally around the 14th, I decided to text him and see how he was doing...to which he replied two days later:" Sorry for not keeping in touch. I've been stressed out at work and my father is not doing very well (he talked about that a lot during our second meet up).I've more or less paused everything. I'm free a few days soon, just to get back on track. Hope things are better on your end."I responded by sending my regards to his father...telling him not to stress too much and if he needed to talk to someone about it that I am just a phone call away. Also went a bit into how I haven't really been feeling all that great either (stressed)..but sure that it would be getting better. He again, responded the next morning:" Thanks. Things are much better. We had a family meeting, so now we have something to go by. Took a few days off to get my focus straight as well. I hope that everything is okay with you. What's stressing you out? Keep your head up. And feel free to call me for support, talk or any such things. Kisses right back at ya!".Then it wound up being a short conversation via text the same day...to where I told him that I really enjoyed our time together and hope to see him again sometime soon. He just replied how he enjoyed our mini-holiday together..but didn't mention anything or any interest in seeing each other again. Did I do the right thing....or was he just blowing me off in a sense by hinting that he is not interested anymore by being too stressed out and busy? Should I give him even more space ( in hopes that he will contact me again when the dust settles on his end?). It's just that he and I have been keeping in contact for the last six months and I am keen on seeing how it develops. I know what I want...and that is to continue seeing him...but I'm trying to determine if this is more or less a casual thing (being that we've talked for six months...but haven't seen each other in person)...and or if he has lost interest. I want to know mores even now since school is ending for me in approximately three weeks, work has become more stable for me on my end...and if there is a chance... I want to give it a shot. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah.. At this point I am not so sure what it is that I should do. I keep getting mixed messages with this guy and at this point it is frustrating. I know that I have some ownership to the current status of us communicating with each other. One, being that I was unable to see him as often as we both wanted to in the beginning (as I pointed out). And I guess two, even though I have not been in the dating game for that long, I suppose that I'm a old fashioned gal and maybe I was too dependent on "letting/and or waiting for the guy to always initiate contact with me" instead of stepping up and showing some initiative . I guess he picked up on that hence him asking me at one point if I was dating someone else/not interested because he hadn't heard from me.
Plus, I'm used to cutting to the chase and saying what my intentions are right off the back. And I made it clear when our friendship started to get romantic that I rather that our cards be on the table rather than finding out some surprises later down the road. I'm very guarded with my feelings...so if I see that if a situation with another person is not working out... I make it known (since I have respect for both parties). I brought it up once or twice throughout our courtship to get a clearer idea of what he wanted. If he wanted to have just a "casual relationship" or something more. He told me that he was interested in more than just a casual "encounter" relationship since he really liked me....and even got a little sad/frustrated/angry that I would have even thought that was what he wanted.
What I don't understand, is even though his communication has been varied these last couple month...when we do talk, he's pretty active in expressing that he still comes around and says that his misses me, that he enjoys my company. I mean, during my recent stay at his place, he gave me the keys to his home so that I could go as I pleased. Why would he even do that if we were just casual....in risks that I may find something(s), or even that (not saying that he's multi-dating...or not doing it either) that another women might call or even stop by.
He had been talking a lot about his father lately...and about his work...so maybe he is busy. I know I shouldn't be getting flustered about it...but I've started liking the guy. And as school is ending on my end (thus leaving me with more time)...and the fact that I am considering moving to his city (had been thinking about it before he and I even met) for better job ops/masters programs, I figured that if it is something that we both want...that we could make it work.
But yeah, in our last text...I expressed to him that he could feel free to call me anytime..He extended the same. Now I'm wondering who should take the step first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): Oh dear, the omens are not good. You have had a very fragmented, interrupted sort of relationship which has not been smooth. My feeling is that if you both had wanted this to progress it would have, but somehow it doesn't seem to be working. Don't put much emotional input into this, don't contact him and see if he contacts you. I would back off and if he doesn't come after you, give up on thoughts of anything developing. Go look for someone else, ideally who lives nearby (that helps!).
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