A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so alone in my life right now. It's mainly because I'm 30 and I still haven't met the right person for me who actually really does want to be with me. I've been out with a few girls but something always seems to happen or go wrong, like I get let down in some way. And although I try to be positive it is very hard because part of me thinks that women just aren't interested in me at all. I know that's a ludicrous comment but at the same time I often say that to myself, kind of out of hurt and frustration at not meeting anyone. I also often wonder if there is something wrong with me, like if I give off something that puts women. It really gets me down more than any other area of my life, not having that special someone to be close to and share life with. I don't think I'm a bad guy - I mean I like various things like martial arts, TopGear and DJing so I can't understand why women don't seem to approach me. I often wonder if I'm going to spend my life alone watching everyone else find happiness and that really gets me down. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 April 2011):
Hi there. When you feel as you do, that you think women just aren't interested in you, you actually start to believe that after a while.
I think therefore I am.
In other words, what I'm trying to say is, what you think about most, eventually becomes a belief - and then a reality. Then everything you say and do seems to reinforce that in some way.
Women would sense that also, your general mood and perhaps you are acting and saying things, that seems to say clearly to them, that you really don't expect anything positive to come out of it. It could come across as a "Don't Care" attitude. Perhaps seeming cold and heartless, as if you DON'T really care about them or anything else really.
Have a think about it. You probably don't realize that you give off that type of vibe. However, it would be very obvious to the women you meet.
Maybe even when you do actually go out with a nice young lady, you might have a nice time together, but then you don't bother calling them back in a week to ask them out again. Little things like that.
Not showing any emotion towards them or affection, and being more like a casual friend than a date. I don't mean be all over them, like an octopus. I just mean being a warm, caring person. It makes you approachable.
Like in a public place - a party or public gathering of some sort - have a friendly open expression on your face. Look happy, but not falsely so.
Then there's the other extreme, perhaps you seem too eager to get serious and into a deep meaningful relationship too early. Like maybe wanting to know what they are doing every hour of the day, being possessive, demanding, not giving them any say in the relationship. That type of thing.
Or anything in between the two extremes.
Then also, maybe you just lack confidence in yourself.
My advice to you is to just be yourself, trust in yourself to enjoy a lovely relationship with someone worthy of your love and respect. Expect only the best for yourself always. Accept nothing less. Don't let yourself be mistreated or taken for granted by anyone.
When you do meet someone you would like to start dating, just enjoy the moment and don't try to think ahead towards marriage, kids a mortgage - there's plenty of time for that. Just go with the flow, and completely without expectation. You will find then, that life flows along a lot more smoothly.
Live each day 1 minute at a time. In other words, live totally in the present moment - don't look back, and don't look forward.
The only moment you can live - is NOW !!!!
Take care and best wishes.
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