A
male
age
51-59,
*ospie
writes:I posted my problem on here last year and got really lambasted. I was having a clandestine relationship with my step-sister and she was 25 years younger than I. She is 18, I am 43. Our parents are not actually married but obviously, our links to the family make this a difficult thing. However, for the past year, we have been seeing each other, putting the difficulties and age-gap to one side. On Sunday, she decided to finish it. I am very upset about it but I am giving her space to get over me properly because although she said she has stopped loving me, I took up a large part of her life. She is not very successful socially and at school (6th form) she had stopped trying to engage with others because she had me to call and come round to see. I was always there for her and treated her as well as anyone would hope to be treated. However, we did have problems in bed because I kept ejaculating too soon. We were not having sex even, she was just rubbing against me and psychologically I couldn't handle it. This put a strain on our intimacy and also, i had some serious problems a few years ago. I am past them now but the residue of them is still there now and again ( I won't go into them now because when I did last year, that was why I was so vilified)She did happen to be unwittingly privy to the manifestation of my issues and that broke down a great deal of trust. I think this has contributed to her losing the love for me. She is now depressed because she has lost someone she relied on for almost everything and I can't find it in myself to chase her because I know she doesn't love me and she has to make the decision to come back on her own. Should I try hard to get her to change her mind or should I just let things be?
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 ...Hi, Nice to hear from you, sorry for the time span. Try to help her but at a distance. She really needs the space but if you can't bring yourself to do what you think will hurt her, then it will have to pan out on its own. One of you, more than likely her will fade out of the relationship. There will more than likely be an impulse on her part. Could be wrong but maybe not. She needs growth. So as long as you do not have a problem being considered
a comfortable pair of slippers that you can find anytime (don't be insulted), then I guess that's where we are. Keep in touch. Take care.
A
male
reader, vospie +, writes (6 March 2011):
vospie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Artistry (and anyone else interested) You might not be too happy to know that that impasse was a false beginning. She only didn't call because her phone wasn't working and when she called she still expected me to visit her. Obviously, I find it hard to hurt her and to hurt myself so I couldn't see myself refusing. I went and I can't say it was the best experience cause I am starting to get a bit too critical of her at times as I strive to deal with my feelings. However, she is persistent regarding us and nothing has changed much. I don't want to be the one who makes the decision because it feels like 'Oh, you got what you want and when you got bored, you just dumped her'. I have got what I want: sexually (although we've not had sex - don't need it, though I'd like it with her!); emotionally, not too bad; socially, it's okay; psychologically, maybe that's where the problem most is.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (5 March 2011):
..Hi You should be proud of yourself. This pain will be hard but in time it will pass. Try to involve yourself in something that will take your mind off of the relationship. You have made a good step forward, keep moving. To my thinking this is better for both of you. In time, with her experiencing life without you being so very close she will develop mentally which she needs. Let it go and find an interest other than her. You have to believe you will survive even with the pain you are feeling and the emotional drain that goes with it. Suffer it but go through it. It's a growth period for both of you. Stay in touch if it helps, I am here. Sometimes I take a little time but I will check in. Hug yourself, it will help. life sucks sometimes but we survive. Take good care. If you want a new hobby check out my site where I write http://www.authspot.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 Leave a comment on your thoughts. Thank you very much.
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A
male
reader, vospie +, writes (28 February 2011):
vospie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Artistry. I think you are right. Although we had a long chat yesterday (about nothing significant), today I haven't heard from her and this is the first time in two years that I have not had a call or text from her, or given a call or text, without us having had a fall out prior. Perhaps she also senses it has reached it's course and is, like me, letting it go. I do feel sad but I think it is for the best.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (26 February 2011):
...Hi there, try to keep your wits about you and treat her as a very good friend. Let her know that you are there to help her when she needs you but you want her to try to grow. If that could happen and later on you two reconnect the relationship would be more compatiable as I read your words. If you get physical with her you will be seemingly going backwards not forward. Try to concentrate on what is best for both of you in the future. Good luck and take good care. Some sacrifices are for the best.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (26 February 2011):
...Hi there, try to keep your wits about you and treat her as a very good friend. Let her know that you are there to help her when she needs you but you want her to try to grow. If that could happen and later on you two reconnect the relationship would be more compatiable as I read your words. If you get physical with her you will be seemingly going backwards not forward. Try to concentrate on what is best for both of you in the future. Good luck and take good care. Some sacrifices are for the best.
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A
male
reader, vospie +, writes (23 February 2011):
vospie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that.It does seem that with every day since i posted this problem, developments occur. She was really trying to get me to go and see her and she wasn't happy that I couldn't (due to other commitments more than any feelings) I will go and see her next week but I do want to try and just be a support for her, although that is difficult given the emotional attachment between us. She still wants what we have and, to a large extent so do I, but I do think it may have run its course but I don't want to 'cast her adrift' any more than I want to make a rash, unnecessary decision.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 February 2011):
...Hi there again, It seems your affection for her is wearing off and she appears to want to spread her wings. This is where the age difference comes into play. She needs more experience. You are not getting your emotionbal needs met? Since you have not had sex, don't. Back off gradually and let her grow. Hopefully the two of you will find other compatiable partners. Be there for support but ease out of the relationship is what I would do. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, vospie +, writes (18 February 2011):
vospie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies I got. Sorry I didn't update but here is the latest update on my girl and me. Just to provide summary. She is 25 years younger than me and we are related through a mutual sister and than her mum and my dad are our sister's parents. This makes us step-brother and sister, though our parents aren't actually married.Despite our age difference, we've been seeing each other for the past two and a bit years. She loves me but lately, I've not felt the same love. I want to continue loving her and can't accept the idea of not being able to contact her and know what she's doing; not in a stalking way but because I feel my support and guidance is valuable to her. She's at uni now and constantly calls so that's good. However, some of the ways she is has started to make my affection for her lessen. She's lazy if I don't push her and when I do she complains of being dictated to. There's probably truth in that but she wants my love without having to make any effort and it makes me feel undervalued. We have not had sex yet, and that is not a problem but she is a catholic and I'm an atheist and all her catholic guilt and religious sexually disgusted instincts is tiring, especially as she is as mad for it when we make out as you'd want your partner to be.I don't know how to handle this stage of our relationship. What's your advice, aunties?
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (6 April 2010):
..Hi there, You have had the experience and taken a lot of heat for it I am sure. Why go back for more headaches? You are supposed to know more than she does, because of your age and experience. Let her find a less complicated relationship. Move on, you are trying to be possessive, turn it aloose and get on with your life and let her get on with hers. There are other people out there, for you and for her. Take care.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 April 2010):
Let her go. This is something that can only go wrong from now. It wasn't really working, and nothing can change that at all. Let her go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Leave her.
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