A
female
age
36-40,
*eadwreckedR
writes:i have been working with a married guy since late last year but hes always made it clear and obvious that hes attracted to me. we are very close in work as most of us are but,in feb he opened up to me that his marriage has major problems. just 2 weeks ago i was sitting with him after work with 2 other coworkers and we all had a few drinks and we all ended up going back to mine for drinks and me and this guy ended up sleeping together. the next few days in work were great with him,he chased me around and i did too and we got on great,much better than usual. then this week i went in for a few drinks when he was working.i went in with a friend and one of his best friends hu was also one of the coworkers who witnessed us kissing the week before in my home,came over to sit with us for a drink and after a few too many,i admitted to his friend that i was into the guy and asked him was he into me and the coworker admitted that he was attracted to me and that he had told him this many times.anyway,after he finished his shift he joined us and of course,we ended up in bed together.i took this opportunity to ask him why he was still with his wife when neither of them were happy and he said that i have no idea how hard it is,that somedays they both threaten to get out but the thoughts of leaving everyting behind is hard aswell. he could tell i was disappointed. the next day in work we were again spending the whole day together and one coworker said that he cant keep his eyes off me every time i walk by. so what is he thinking?is he attracted to me?bearing in mind that we were very close before and still are,i refuse to believe that im just sex to him when i know there is definitely something a lot more between us. should i just end it??im very confused,i know its going to be so hard. and i do reaise what is at risk. i dont even know if he wants to continue this.he never wants to leave my bedroom when he knows he has to go home, the first time,he kept kissing me and i had to push him out the door. could he have feelings for me??
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-to-do-when-the-person-youre-attracted.html
You have the ability to take control of your life and find someone that's willing to give you all of themselves, not just half or a third.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): your situation is not unique. yes this married man is all over you like a bee to honey but which married man wouldnt be. you are fooling around with someone elses husband. do you think of his wife. does he have any kids. you are not a child you can stop when ever you want. yet you have chosen not to do the right thing. be realitic, why does he come to you: for sex. If you think he is not still sleeping with his wife, you will be be bigger fool than you already are. yes his marriage is going thrugh difficult times, many marriages do. but does this give a husband the right to go and F another woman?
your married lover is in his element right now. faithful wife and home life and a lover only good for her legs open and dangling in the air. you are such a naive girl than no matter what anyone tells you you are in la la land with your own assumptions. Caring Guy has given you invaluable advice, but you will not take it and be mindful of it becuase you have justified this affair in your head.
how about thurning this around a bit - give your lover an ultimatum. tell him to leave his wife. NOW. THEN see the sh1t hit the fan, the excuses, the deadlines coming and passing when he doesnt leave her. are you brave to give him an ultimatum. this is your test, a test to see whether you mean anyting to him, or whether you are merely a good F@ck buddy. put him to the test.
-LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): your situation is not unique. yes this married man is all over you like a bee to honey but which married man wouldnt be. you are fooling around with someone elses husband. do you think of his wife. does he have any kids. you are not a child you can stop when ever you want. yet you have chosen not to do the right thing. be realitic, why does he come to you: for sex. If you think he is not still sleeping with his wife, you will be be bigger fool than you already are. yes his marriage is going thrugh difficult times, many marriages do. but does this give a husband the right to go and F another woman?
your married lover is in his element right now. faithful wife and home life and a lover only good for her legs open and dangling in the air. you are such a naive girl than no matter what anyone tells you you are in la la land with your own assumptions. Caring Guy has given you invaluable advice, but you will not take it and be mindful of it becuase you have justified this affair in your head.
how about thurning this around a bit - give your lover an ultimatum. tell him to leave his wife. NOW. THEN see the sh1t hit the fan, the excuses, the deadlines coming and passing when he doesnt leave her. are you brave to give him an ultimatum. this is your test, a test to see whether you mean anyting to him, or whether you are merely a good F@ck buddy. put him to the test.
-LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 September 2010):
I know this is hard. Believe me, you're not the only mistress to think that a married man really loves them. There are hundreds of posts on this site alone that will show you about married men.
This guy uses you for his own ends. At no point does he care about you. He comes in, says his stuff that makes you feel sorry for him and fall for him, then he goes away. He doesn't' love you at all. He just comes, uses you for sex or emotional needs, then goes home to his wife, while you say in a lonely house.
Stop this, now. Where do you think it will lead? Fairytale land where the frog turns into the prince? He won't. He'll never leave his wife. He would have already done it if he loved you. Instead, you'll wind up the butt of every awful joke, every bad look, every whisper because you're the mistress who is happy to try and steal a married man. You'll just end up in a lonely house with no one when all this stops.
Pretty bleak really. So my advice is that you quit being second best to a second rate man and find someone who does actually love you. Your life is being frittered away, and before you know it, no one will be there at all. Find a guy who will love you and be there.
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A
female
reader, headwreckedR +, writes (14 September 2010):
headwreckedR is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am now just over 3 months into this affair and i think i am in love with this guy. i think about him all the time and he has no intention of stopping this. it is very difficult for us to spend time together as my house is next door to where i work and he is obviously afraid of being caught by someone. his visits are wuite frequent still but now a lot shorter. we talk all the time in work and in my home and we still get on just aswell as we did before. my co-workers that know about us are convinced the he has feelings for me at this stage. 2 weeks ago he came into my home and sat up in my room for almost 3 hours just talking to me about this childhood,past,parents etc. with no sex. i always say 2 myself that i have to get out of this coz i no its all gona end sometime soon and i will be heartbroken. i do go home from work to find myself txting this guy and asking him to come in after his shift. but then theres a good few times i go home without any intention of txting him and he would txt me to come in. im wondering now should i tell him how i feel...and if i do,im afraid he wont feel the same and thats it,it will end and im not sure how i can cope with that. as i said it is another heartbreak for me. at this stage is it possible he could feel love for me or even have some strong feelings? or is it possible its still only just sex for him. he still never wants to leave me and hugs and kisses me sooo much. it hurts when he leaves to go to her. i cant find the strength to stop it or say no to him and im so happy when he is with me but then i am miserable most of the time coz he is not with me when i need him most
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 Sorry but you need to face facts, you are being duped by a lying cheating married man.
He will never leave his wife for you... you will always be on the outside.
Stop wasting your time with a married man and find a single man for yourself..... Oh... and to be honest, you are probably not the first fling, I have no doubt he has cheated previous to meeting you.
Sorry if I am so blunt, but this man will never be anything more to you than some other woman's husband.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 June 2010):
Well I'm sorry, but he IS using you and you ARE just sex to him. He's so unhappily married that he's still with this wife? I'm sorry, but like all misguided mistresses, you are being used and are refusing to believe it. Cheating married men are brilliant at lying. Read all the other posts on here about women who have believed that they mean everything to their married lovers. None of them get what they want, because they are all being used. End it, or you will have a bad reputation and a broken heart.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (17 June 2010):
 You are soooo over thinking this, its really quite simple, you are starting an affair with a married man, and being a mistress has never been easy, and that is what you are, he has pretty much said he can't/won't leave his wife, so you have to resign yourself that you are very unlikely to ever be his girlfriend or wife, at least in the near future anyway.
Obviously he likes you, he is putting losing all that he says he can't leave at risk if his wife ever finds out.
You just need to ask the question to yourself, are the stolen moments you have enough for you? are you going to be happy being 2nd to his wife and family? are you prepared to be alone at Christmas and New Year, as that is family time.
Being a mistress is very different than being a girlfriend, and to be honest, it sounds to me your more gf material than mistress material.
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