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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 18 and I'm in a bit of a predicament, recently the man I've been seeing has told me that he has never been in love and he thinks he loves me, he has low self confidence despite being very very sexy and part of the reason we hooked up was because we both felt a bit low and were glad to have someone, anyway he has been divorced once and has no kids, is very emotionally open and is clearly vunerable at the moment, he's 46 and feels like he hasn't really lived life. I'm really worried he will fall in love with me deeply because I do love him but Ive accepted that because of the age differnce we can't really ever be together in normal circumstances, I feel like I'm taking advantge and I don't know what to do!?What do you think I should do? I don't want to break his heart because he might not get over it and i'd hate for him to be alone later in life when I move on to other places and it's not possible.
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confidence, divorce, move on, older man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 "so if i were to break things up, not saying i will, how would i do that?"
Don't couch questions here with "not saying I will". We are not your boyfriend so there is no need for equivocation.
1. Prepare for the guilt trip he will lay on you and don't let it guide your reactions. Remember, he's survived to middle age and regardless of what he says, the track record indicates he will go on without you. If you are really done with him, then you ought not to have a problem sticking to a breakup.
2. Be honest, but also be respectful while remaining true to yourself. You cannot avoid hurt, but the truth hurts far less than a lie. You cannot control his reactions to your actions, but you can certainly carry yourself with dignity. If he starts in on bitter recriminations don't engage him - just politely say you have to go.
Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (17 June 2010):
The three things below say plenty - keep reading them and you will understand why you wrote to us...
1. Part of the reason we hooked up was because we both felt a bit low and were glad to have someone, anyway he has low self confidence ( need I say anything on this?)
2. He is clearly vunerable at the moment, he's 46 and feels like he hasn't really lived life. ( manipulative)
3. Ive accepted that because of the age differnce we can't really ever be together in normal circumstances (isolation)
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso if i were to break things up, not saying i will, how would i do that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): correction, youwish, she is 18 years younger, not 28 years younger. and my dad is 16 years older than my mum. she was 17 and he was 33 when they met, and before that he had been married to someone for ten years, and ahd been divorced for a couple of years when he met my mum. my parents were together in total for 27 years. so age gap relationships can work out. also, my half brother is marrying someone 17 years younger than him soon, and i am 26 years old and have also been attracted to men in their 40's.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (17 June 2010):
Your followup has a tinge of defensiveness in it. However, it appears that the overwhelming consensus from the other aunts is not persuading you to end it, so I hope it all works out the way you expect it to.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (17 June 2010):
 As powerful as you think you are, a 46 year old divorced man is fully capable of moving on from a broken heart. Even if he doesn't, that's not your responsibility; you are not responsible for healing anyone, nor is it your responsibility to make sure he doesn't end up alone in his old age.
If you want out, get out and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 New thoughts :-
- apparently you don't have much reason to worry then. If you have been dating for 2 years and he has not yet fallen in love, it sounds reasonable that he might go on like now- without risking any particular heartbreak
- this means you got together when you were 16 ! - and he was 44.
No comment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe got divorced because he realised he wasn't in love, since then he's been single AND we've been seeing each other for just under 2 years now, he's never ever tried to isolate me from anyone. any new thoughts?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 June 2010):
I feel he is the one who is taking advantage of you.
The line is feeding you- the oh so sensitive so vulnerable never been in love pleeeeaze don't hurt me- is one of the oldest and tritest ever and you are forgivable for falling for it just because of your young age.
It boils down to the fact that this guy has little or nothing to offer you ( and he knows it ) yet he wants to have sex with you anyway. Very manipulative.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (17 June 2010):
"What do you think I should do?"
Run far away from him so that you can preserve your self-respect. Ignore any guilt you feel - it will only confuse you, and this guy will prey on your confusion.
Finally, get over this conceit that you might be taking advantage of him - that's guilt talking again. Quite the opposite is actually happening.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (17 June 2010):
Some of the signs of a controlling abusive man are :
1. Quickly tell u they are in love.
2. Making u responsible for their happiness
3. Isolating you from friends and family
there are more but I see these BIG RED FLAGS by what you have said.
Please move on and educate yourself on what a healthy relationship should b.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Got to agree with 'You Wish' on this, red flags everywhere, to get to 46 and never been in love, pah, cogs wallop.
As a 42 year old on the dating scene, i've met sooooo many men who spill the bullsh*t so fluently, infact I found this site thru a question where i'd just discovered i'd been played and lied to, and made to feel like i was his everything, I'm not young, but i'm honest and truthful, but a tad naive.
I agree, dump him, move on to someone that can give you all the things you need to complete your life, dont worry bout him being alone, you say he is very very sexy, so he'll pick up someone else, but one has to have a good memory to tell so many lies and he will probably find himself alone, not thru your doing, but thru his own.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I hate to tell you this, but I think this 46 year old is scamming you. "never been in love?" "Completely vulnerable?" yet he's been divorced??
I do believe that he is actually taking advantage of YOUR youth and naivete to get into your pants. What does a 46 year old want in someone who is 28 years younger than he is? There are HUGE red flags going off on this one.
My guess is that you guys haven't been together for very long, and despite never being in love as he says, he's throwing out the L word fast. Guys love to play on a woman's emotions, especially the "you're the only one who can unlock my heart" crap.
Since you asked, I think you should end this relationship before you get used and tossed to the side. He's been in love before, or there wouldn't be a divorce in his past. He sounds like a major fraud to me.
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