A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how do you know when you're meant to be with someone? i ask this question because all my life, i've based my relationships on that intense "spark" or connection, which inevitably wears off and we wind up realizing that we have absolutely nothing in common after all is said and done. there was that initial intensity and honeymoon phase, and the sex was intense, but like i said, for the long run, i realize there's no way we could stand a chance; we were just way too incompatible. we would drive each other insane. but i've got an ex gf of mine that is my absolute best friend in the whole world. i've never met anyone i'm more compatible with in literally every single way. i find her to be my better half, literally. we never disagree on anything and we share so much in common. and we both know how to make each other happy and always do. the relationship just made so much sense when we were together. but unfortunately, i never got that "spark" i was talking about. i found her attractive, but it was never that intensity that i'm used to. so i eventually thought maybe i was missing out on other things, just to date around, and realize that after that initial excitement wore off, i was miserable again. i know it's unrealistic to expect the person you spend your life with to always give you that euphoric feeling of excitement. so when we get married, what really are we signing up for, anyway? i guess i'm just wondering what really should matter most when choosing a life partner. thanks in advance.
View related questions:
best friend, ex girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, yy80 +, writes (30 November 2012):
I forgot to mention, if you care a person enough, or love a person enough to make you want the relationship to last forever, you would find yourselves LESS incompatible because your love will overcome these "obstacles", there is no perfect match, you need to work on the "differences". But if you don't even want to do it, it means you don't love her enough.
Hope it helps.
A
female
reader, yy80 +, writes (30 November 2012):
I know a guy friend who is exactly like you, I mean it, your words are exactly what he would say to me when asking for advice on relationships (maybe you are actually that person lol)...I guess it really depends on your own definition of "relationship" and "marriage". Some people are just "hard-wired" to find it harder than other people to concentrate on one thing at a time, like some friends of mine, they can never find a job that they enjoy for long. When they have one stable job with decent income, they get bored, and constantly want to find another one. But in their heart, they REALLY want a stable job, a job that they want to hang on to, and shine. They daydream about it, but they just CAN'T maintain a job without wanting to try others, and yes, they feel they are "missing out on other things" like you said.I think it is because you are so confused about what you actually want in a relationship, or you must have wanted too many different things at the same time. It is not possible to have all the "goodies" in one person. However, I think you will sense it when you find someone special. Maybe you have never met that person yet, that's why you are confused, when most of the people your age are "lucky" enough to have someone they love, or have at least found it in the past, you are just maybe one of the few who has never found one yet. But don't feel bad, a lot of people who are in serious relationships think differently, they might want to try many other different people but cannot because they are already committed... grass is always greener on the other side. And to give you some insights, I can tell you my definition of "relationships". I have a bf who I love so dearly, and I cannot imagine myself being without him. There are many different feelings in different stages of your life or relationships. Excitement feels nice, but what you can get out of a long term relationship is not only about excitements, it's companionship, that simple, stable type of love can give you something other than what an excitement can bring to you. You have to be there and feel it, I cannot describe it to you. Also, I think you might lack a clear "picture" of a good relationship or a goal in relationship, so you cannot "hypnotize" yourself into having one. It might be because of your upbringing, your experiences in life, in people... etc. People fall in love because we tell ourselves what we feel is "heavenly" and we want to stay there for as long as possible. Everything in this world, including relationships, friendships, any human relationships, is a type of hypnotizing to me, I don't mean everything is fake, but we always tell ourselves what we feel, and we believe it, what I feel for my bf doesn't really equal to what he feels about me. Although we both might just define that as "love". We create our own love stories and fairy tales. Just like what other people say "if you don't even have faith in something, how can that exist?" For you to FIND something like love, you NEED to give off that VIBE to others. When others feel that VIBE, they might in turn return it. It is nature, we all interact like that, when someone treats you nice, you would treat them nice. But like I said, maybe you are not lucky enough YET to have met that person who gives you that VIBE, on top of your own "requirements" in a mate, it might be harder for you to find it, but have faith that you will find it.
...............................
|
