A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Instead of joy in my relationship, all I feel is stress. I am constantly trying to reassure my girlfriend and stressing out because she won't take steps to get her life on some sort of path. I've tried and tried to encourage her, but she won't make any decisions. I can't do anything to get her to set some goals for herself. She is clingy. When I try to do my own thing, she cries and I feel guilty. This weekend, I went out of town on business. I'm friends with the guys I work with, so I had a good time. I stayed in contact with her via text.I had a great weekend. When I got home, instead of feeling good and relaxed, I had to spend two hours comforting my girlfriend because she had a horrible weekend since I was gone. She didn't even get herself dinner the night before and wanted me to feel bad for her for that! All my good feelings from the trip were sucked away as soon as I got home.There were a couple of women I met on the trip (just as friends) who were younger than my girlfriend and in the middle of successful careers. Why doesn't my girlfriend have that drive? Is there any way to encourage it?I want to go to therapy because I am so unhappy. She won't go. If I set up the appointment for myself, she will freak out on me. When I get back from therapy, she'll be depressed that I was gone for an hour and she'll cry wanting to know what we talked about. It makes me not even want to deal with it, but I can't go on like this. What can I do to get to therapy without causing a night of tears, questions, stress, and discomfort?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): Get out of this NOW! My current boyfriend and I have both had previous relationships with EXACTLY the type of person you're with now. His ex-girlfriend was needy and clingy and a huge drama queen. If he would ever try to break free of her, she'd freak out and threaten to commit suicide. If he ever did anything for himself, she'd cry and make him feel guilty. She even once almost made him give up the one thing he has passion for most in this world: his music. My ex was dramatic as well. He would cry and make me feel guilty whenever we would discuss my former eating disorder. He would never want to go out and do anything with me and my friends, but then would pitch a fit when we never did anything together. It was exhausting.
Love should make you feel free, not trapped. It should make you feel lighter, not stressed. Please, for the sake of your sanity, get out of this now...
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Re-read what you just wrote. You are miserable because of her. This is not what real love feels like. You should not be so anguished. This girl is a brick and she is drowing you. You can't "encourage" her out of being a complete basket case. Cut yourself loose and persue the type of women that you met on your trip. You will not get the same treatment from them - I assure you. Women like these have their place in the world and are successful for a reason. Trust what your gut is telling you. Run to the nearest exit.
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