A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I've been an emotional eater and very lazy over the years and have really let myself go and stopped caring about my body. This is very pathetic I know, especially because I'm a young woman. I am so insecure about my body I don't think I will ever find love or find a guy who will accept this. I've never had a boyfriend, and guys have made hurtful comments about my appearance and weight. Sorry to get graphic but my body is honestly disgusting. I'm currently obese, I have a lot of stretch marks all over my stomach, on my thighs and boobs. My boobs have become saggy and are extremely unattractive. My thighs are huge, my face is chubby. I hate absolutely everything about me physically.I am currently trying to turn my life around and to lose weight. I've been eating healthier and started exercising. I've lost a few pounds so far. But no matter how much I lose, I will still have stretch marks, my boobs will still be saggy, I will have extra lose skin from weight loss, etc. I'm very depressed that I've done this to myself. I feel like I will never be able to have/enjoy sex, have a boyfriend, be in love or ever be secure with myself because of this. Do you have any advice for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Take some pictures of yourself, in your underwear or a top and shorts. Don't share them, just use them to keep you motivated. Changing lifestyle habits is incredibly hard. I am a complete sugar addict, at times I would not eat lunch or dinner and instead eat an entire packet of biscuits, then have some chocolate, then crisps...I felt like crap.So I joined a gym, they gave me a plan to follow. I obtained diet advice from a competition athlete and gave it 110%! After the first week of stopping eating crap and being so active, I was crying, irritable and genuinely withdrawing from some of the foods my body was so used to consuming!! But I used photos of myself and told myself I will do it, I will change. Once you get the eating under control, I allowed a treat once a week or fortnight (meal out, or just a few biscuits) and then I was still enjoying the things I loved but in much more moderation!You can and will make the changes as long as you are serious about it, and want to do it. It's just about getting the right mindset, and not saying I'll start tomorrow, or I'll start Monday. But start right now and commit. Improving your activity levels and no longer being obese will have so many health benefits for you, you will feel like a brand new person! Xx
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 It's very hard to care for someone who doesn't care for themselves. It's difficult to want to be seen with someone who has no pride in themselves. But just because you're obese doesn't mean you need to give up on either of those things. You can be loveable. You can be attractive. It just takes effort. You've started the ball in motion by losing weight, but it's not easy as anyone will tell you. Get some professional help to deal with any issues that may be prohibiting your weight loss. Join online support groups. Read and research what you can do to make this journey successful. Learn from what didn't work last time or the time before. Yes there will be loose skin, but the relief of not having that weight will outweigh any downside and extra skin can be removed. Good luck, you're not alone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): You need to deal with yourself before you worry about a guy. I know a girl who is overweight, and I did find myself attracted to her still. The problem? Her attitude. I didn't like her but I think guys are attracted to women of various sizes. No guy is attracted to a girl who gets lazy, lets herself go, and gets all depressed.
Take care of yourself first, otherwise you will figuratively be adding more weight. Be healthy, get your act together. I've suffered more than most people I know and more accomplished than they are. Every one has problems. You just have to be strong.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 April 2014):
Pain and suffering is real and it isn't to be taken lightly. Everywhere one turns, someone has a tale to tell and everyone has problems of their own. I have a friend who is in your situation but it was never her weight which caused problems. Rather, it was her destructive attitude that turned people away. In school we are all subject to humiliation but that period passes.
The mind controls the body. You are putting in the work so continue to do it. Work harder and stronger. Nothing happens in a heartbeat. Lose the weight then worry about the stretch marks after. You just have to focus on yourself and focus on making yourself better because reality is that no one wants to be with someone who is really self-negative. Being young, I can imagine it feels like the world is passing you by and you have to play catch up to everyone. But this is an illusion. Set your goals, do the work, motivate yourself.
Whenever I lose direction I watch a few youtube videos - Motivation - and I also listen to a few motivational speakers like Tyrese Gibson. When you feel down, work harder. When people tell you that you can't, work harder. The only person really stopping yourself from being happy, is you! Focus, and I believe you can accomplish your goals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): You're young enough (I think) that you can tighten the skin a bit if you tone your muscles as well as lose weight (not sure though - see your doctor or ask for a gym trainer's consultation).There are lots of creams and oils for stretch marks to fade.Most of all NOBODY is perfect and DECENT guys don't care about some stretch marks or a bit of extra podge. How do I know? Well, personally, I don't know because I'm like you; I comfort ate when I've been growing up and now it's feeling incredibly difficult to lose the weight, I feel unattractive, I have saggy breasts, I have lots of stretch marks.... But you know what? There are PLENTY of obese people who have husbands/wives/partners because you find more faults in yourself than others do.Focus on making YOURSELF happy before trying to find love. It sucks, but it's the way round it should be if you want to keep it off, rather than do it for a guy to like you and revert if you break up.
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