A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I’ve got a lot on my mind, so I'm just going to spew words all over the page…. I am in love with being in love; I will do anything to make the person I love happy. I’ve had many relationships but I’ve only had 2 serious relationships in my life. One being my first love, the other the relationship I’m in now. We’ve been together going on a year now and I’m crazy about him! He makes me feel safe and happy. I’m really close with his family, feel more a part of his then my own. His house is the only place that feels like home. But I’ve picked up on things that remind me of my first serious relationship… and that ended badly.A few months ago my BF and I were fooling around, lately I had been hearing "welcome, you've got mail!" as he would get online and watch porn while I was "down". I could tell all these times I would hear "you've got mail!" that he was watching something different from the norm because of how turned on he was getting. So I asked him what he was watching, and why he signed into his email all the time. He was hesitant to say but said he would tell me some day. Eventually he did, he told me about watching transsexual porn, and that the sights he visits sends him emails. My previous BF had also watched the same thing. But its not an all the time ordeal so I accept and even like it. But it always felt like there was something more he wasn’t telling me… come to find out, there was. A few days ago, while helping my man pack for a trip, I went into his closet and noticed some movies stashed under some pants. I know this is bad, but as soon as the family left for their trip, I went and looked at the movies. There were 3 movie cases with no cover. So I opened them; one a tranny DVD I bought for him, one empty that had a tranny porno I didn't know about but I saw him take, the last was a gay porno. It hurt, what I found. But at the same time, don't know if I was just getting energy from him, but I've been feeling like a gay man trapped in a women’s body for a few months. I've liked the thought of my BF watching gay and tranny porn. But I'm afraid he's going to be less and less attracted to me, and that's what scars me.Now remember when I said this was ending up a lot like my last serious relationship..? That relationship ended up going sour because I wasn't what he wanted. I tried to make him happy, even roll played as a man! But I lost him. Some of the things that are similar between both relationships are that they would get turned on by sucking on my tongue, my guess is cause it resembles a guys you know what. Both guys enjoy penetration, and both men have anger issues. My current BF gets mad at others where my X just loathed himself. Something else that sparked the thought of him being gay, is that when we go party with his friends, a lot of the guys jokingly flirt and talk about being gay for each other… well not even each other, mainly my man; calling him hot. Why? Is he gay or am I jumping to conclusions? How should I talk to him, what should I say or ask? I can pleasure him now but is that going to change? Should I keep this going or cut it off? Was it wrong of me to look? Do I turn men gay? Why do I sometimes feel like a gay man? If anyone can answer any questions or have any feed back PLEASE HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince my last writing, I was a bad girl and figured out how to hack onto my boyfriends computer. Looking at the history on his computer it said he was looking at gay porn,BIG women porn, and old woman porn. He said that that is just what comes up with a general search but i don't believe him. Am I just crazy or is he looking at all this and what should i do? Not positive about this one but i think he also jerks off when i'm home which hurts cuz it makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Make me feel better please cuz its eating away at my soul.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 hun you clearly spend alot of time trying to keep your relationships perfect but honey no-one has a perfect relationship i mean so he watches gay porn and tranny porn this doesn't mean he's gay. i mean some girls get more turned on by lesbian porn doesn't make them a lesbian just means it's a fantasy of what it would be like for a girl to go down on a girl or guy to go down on a guy. it's just curiosity and don't feel bad for going through his stuff. i mean if you feeld that strongly about it then sit with him and talk to him tell him you're starting to get worried that this relationship will become like your ex's and you don't want that to happen. just because him and his mates talk gayly doesn't make them or him gay sometimes guys think it's masculine shows they are manly, but some of them do it for a laugh. i understand you'll be feeling like this due to the last relationship but just talk to him about it and let him know your feelings about it and work through it together. hope this helps hun :) good luck x x x x x
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