A
female
age
41-50,
*erope
writes:Dear Cupid,for some time now, about 7 years, I've been with the same man, we had a baby very early in the relationship because I just wasn't damned careful enough to use more than a condom to prevent pregnancy. We had a son, whom I adore, he's my world, and I've stayed with my boyfriend for our child, he and I just weren't compatible, if we hadn't had our son we never would have stayed together.My true issue is that for years I have had a hard core crush on one of his cousins, even though I didn't really know him that well. He's not really the type I would normally go for, but for as long as I can remember knowing him I have been head over heels for him. I actually kept very much to myself when it came to him, I never looked at him, rarely spoke to him and even then it was very short answer responses if he would speak to me. When I walked in the room I couldn't look at him although he was always the first one I'd noticed, all of this because I didn't want him or anyone else to see that I wanted him.Last year something changed, at a family event, there was something different, the way he looked at me, the softness in his voice, it's just inexplicable. I found out from a third party that he felt along the same lines as I did. I tell you I could have gone a lifetime not finding that out. I would have lived my life with my feelings for him inside and not have acted but since I found that out I am absolutely compelled to act on it. I'm not an unfaithful person, never have been and never could be, but the attraction has become more strong. This past holiday season I was more bold in my attempts to be near him, and interact with him and it's taking me down a path I don't want to go down because I can't stop. I want him more than any other man, even with his flaws he seems so perfect for me. I'm not an irrational bird, it's not a case of 'the grass is greener', or just lust. It's like my soul is happy when I'm with him, near him, hear from him. I don't know if this is a soul mate type issue, but I know that it was love at first site for me, and I don't even remember the first time I met him, I just remember that feeling always being there. I would do anything for him short of ruining my children's lives to be with him.I think his dad knows, some how, he can tell there is something there, where as our conversations were always fun and light hearted, now when I see his dad he talks about my dearest's new girlfriend, or my dearest's lack of committment in his relationships, and how once there are kids involved between two people they're in it for life, it's as if he's talking to me in code, and knows that I am in love with his son. I don't know what to do, I can't help myself when it comes to him, I've tried to not think about him, but it just seems so right. Like I was meant to be his and he was meant to be mine.I don't know what to do
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condom, cousin, crush, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): 1. You will mess everyone's lives if u talk about your love lust feelings for your bf's cousin. This is something u need to steer clear from.2. You are exposing your kid to abuse from an early age. Enough! Leave your abusive partner, Now BUT do not get with his cousin.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I say be truthful to yourself and your son, then proceed from there cause it can only make you hurt yourself and your son, I know I was on the son side of things and I even now resent my mom for letting it go on so long just for her to drop the bomb that they're breaking up and she even lied about cheating on my dad to me, that hurt more than anything, though she used cheating to get out the the relationship that has been going on for 14 years, that could of gone a lot better than that, though my dad wasn't abusive,Plus even if he's is a good father he can be one not abusing you, the cousin thing though is completely complicated cause now you went from a normal break up to one of those "that's why you broke up with me?" things just take it slow don't just jump out one window and into another one just cause it's open, stop your suffering take steps and then maybe go to the cousin when the dust and hard feelings are clear
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A
female
reader, Merope +, writes (28 March 2011):
Merope is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, but I just can't ruin the kids' lives because I want my bf's cousin. Can I? No, I can't do that, that would be the ULTIMATE in selfish right? I've plugged 7 years here to make sure everything runs smoothely. when I told him I was pregnant he kicked me out, wanted nothing to do with the baby so I got over it, and I was determined to have my son on my own. Closer to the birth, after he'd slept around, he came back and 'lightly' applied family pressure, especially with his grandmum whom I adore, she kept questioning as to when he and I were going to move in together and what have you. If she only knew. I've hidden his physical abuse from the kids, although his two older kids once witnessed it, and after that I ended it but by then he was daddy to my son, and my son always came first, what was best for him. I compromised and changed to suit my bf's needs and desires so everything would run smoothely. Trust me I am SUFFERING. On a daily basis. I wish sometimes that I had never taken him back and let him into my son's life. That's the hardest thing, cause now he's daddy.I wish I could just talk to my bf's cousin frankly, with no hiding anything, just to explain, cause I'm a big fan of the truth. Should I talk to him and tell him point blank how I really feel? I couldn't, I think I'd have to wait for him, but if he does should I be honest and respond or do my duty and keep my mouth shut???
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A
female
reader, lovelyeyes  +, writes (28 March 2011):
Omg! I know exactly how u feel. I feel the same except its his brother not cousin. Honestly because there is a child involved and they are realted u really can't be selfish about this. I know how hard it is for u not to just get that 1 kiss or 1 nice hug from him. U have to think what it will do to #1 your child, your boyfriends entire family. The guy u like his dad is already trying to make it clear u to u that its bad news if u guys do act upon this. Trust me I also want to do the same but I can't be selfish and only think about how happy I'm gonna feel. I know its gonna rip the whole family apart. Its not even guaranteed its gonna last between u 2. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Tearole +, writes (28 March 2011):
i believe u should be truthful with your boyfriend and with yourself. If u don't love your boyfriend then tell him. if u don't you will suffer and even might do something and latter on u will regret. :) Good luck and i wish u the best
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