A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. I want to say thanks in advance for reading this. Anyway, onto my problem.I've been taking driving lessons for about a month now, and I'm seventeen. Recently, I've started to have feelings for my driving instructor. At first I thought he was going to be really boring and dad-like, but he really surprised me.. He's kind and funny, a good listener and the most amazing teacher as he has the patience of a saint. I only noticed my feelings for him a few lessons ago, when he smiled this amazing, warm smile at me when a lesson was over.. I went weak at the knees and realised I was falling for him. I realise that, being in a position of responsibility and also in such close proximity (just me and him in a car for two hours... Best two hours of my day!) makes him an obvious target of my lust. I have been known to lust after other teachers in the past, and very nearly entered into a relationship with a man at least 25 years my senior, so the age gap does not particularly bother me - i think my instructor is either in his forties or fifties. I find that I get on much better with men who are a lot older than me, as I'm more of a watch football and drink cider down the pub kind of girl, much better than going out clubbing and downing shots until you're totally inebriated- the latter seems like what most boys my age want to do. What really confused me the other day is that my instructor was in an accident and missed my lesson - i did not realise at the time, I thought he'd just forgotten about me. I rung his mobile and home multiple times until I got through to... A woman, who I assume was his wife. She told me he was in hospital and I was shellshocked - so much so that when I got off the phone, I began to cry. I'm not sure if i was only crying because I was shocked or i was feeling intense loving feelings towards him. Possibly also because he's never told me outright that he was married. Interestingly, he seems to skirt around the subject whenever we're talking about home life or anything.. Maybe he's just conservative in that way. I sent him a text saying i heard what happened and I hoped he was alright, and I got a text back from him later telling me what happened and thanks for the text. He called me the day after and we talked about it, and he said thanks for being concerned and the text and stuff.. I think he was just being polite. In conclusion, I'm sure he doesn't have any feelings other than friendly feelings between instructor and student, but I can't help wondering what it would be like to be with him, not just doing x-rated things if thats what you assumed. Please give me advice on how to handle this; either how to get over him or at least some way to make my lessons less difficult for me. Thanks.
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female
reader, lil miss smile +, writes (5 July 2011):
heyyyy.... i know this was a while ago now but how are you getting on with your lessons? i am only asking because the same thing happened to me!
i have know my driving instructor for 6 years now! my ex boyfriend had lessons with him and when it came to my turn i didnt really want to have a male instructor. so i prolonged it. eventually i was given some money to do some lessons and i went with him. its not like he was horrible or anything, i even use to go on lessons with my ex.
We were both in relationships him with a wife and a child and i was living with my boyfriend at the time. As time passed and we got on really well, i then discovered started developing feelings for him. strong feelings, i cudnt understand what was going on. i did think at first is this just a crush???
i remembered lookin out of the window to see if he was there waiting out the back for me. the moment i saw the car my heart would start racing. i would make my way down the 3 flights of stairs and get outside and then i would have a sneaky look round the corner at him. i then needed to get the courage to walk to his car with out lookin flustered. we carried on and i didnt say a word, in fact sometimes i could be a little mean to him which gave him the impression i didnt really like him. We had a real laugh and there was a lot of friendly banter, he use to say we are like an old married couple. At the end of most lessons i would say “don’t miss me to much” his reply was always the say “i will cry myself to sleep”
there were other moments though that we share that i could never explain. The ways he looked at me sometimes made me feel so amazing. And one day he said “anything for you” these moments would go round and round in my head for weeks. does he like me, doesnt he like me?
i then stopped having my lessons completely which i thought might help. in the december i passed my theroy test so i texted him to let him know and said i would get in touch in the new year. which i didnt. then in April out of the blue he called me and i answered which i never normally did when he called. he asked if i wanted lessons coz his evening were getting booked up. I said yes and we booked a date, hoping that enough time had passed to get over my feelings. But the moment i saw him, everything came flooding back, even more intense than before. The banter went on and had many many laughs. It was like we never stopped. Then i booked my test. I knew the feelings were real and if i was going to act i had to act fast. I needed to find out how he felt. We started texting and it quickly emerged he had feels for me too.
We spoke about the situation which was rather embarrassing. I told him how badly my boyfriend treated me and how unhappy i was and he told me how unhappy he was and the only reason he is still there is because of his son.
We started an affair and i know it sounds bad. it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. My feelings were uncontrollable and he knew how i felt but i didn’t say the words. i tried ended it one day because we nearly got caught. A little while later i received a text from him saying we can’t end this because i am in love with you. I went to meet him and i told him i loved him too and he said that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he let me walk way.
We too have a big age gap of 23 years! My family didn’t like it at first but now have accepted it and are happy for me. Its now been a year that we have been together and i am not saying that it is easy at all but it has been worth it. Sometimes you have to take the risk. There is always hope.
I really hope this helps. Best wishes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everybody, and thanks for your advice. I discovered he has a wife and child. Therefore I'm going to leave it well alone and forget about these stupid feelings. My situation has depressed me greatly and I cry every day knowing this man will never love me. I am not a homewrecker and he wouldn't pay a minutes attention to me if i wasn't his student. My advice to anyone ever in this sort of situation is that if the person they like/love/fancy/whatever has family as in a wife/husband and kids, don't even bother. If the person was worth a second glance, they wouldn't chance their relationship with their wife and kids. Just forget about it as it will never happen. I'm trying to move on without getting a new instructor (he's a canny good teacher) and its difficult but i'll pass my test and forget about him. As sad as i am about that, if i acted on my feelings, i'd make a whole lot more people sad.
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A
female
reader, heartbroken101  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 i think you need to realize that if anything happened between you two...his career could be sabotaged. it would be extremely unprofessional. i think you need to maybe get another driving instructor or try and focus on something else. your 17 and young and so any man tat is nice and caring and funny towards you your hormones will get excited and you'll start to think you 'like or love' him. this is just a stage. it most likely wont last long and you will get over it. but personally that age compared to yours is very large and innapropriate. i would go and talk to someone to trust or a counsellor about any more feelings before things get out of hand. i believe its a fling and you dont need to take it seriously because im sorry but im pretty positive nothing will happen.and you will only get hurt if you 'try' something and he turns you down (which he should). goodluck hope this sort of helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Let your fantasies remain fantasies. The infatuation will fade with time.
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