A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here I go. A bit long, but I want you to get the whole picture.I am a successful business woman married to a wonderful man and have 3 beautiful boys. If you "knew" me you could never tell I have a deep dark secret. I have had an affair with another man for over 4 years, let's call him Abe...a man that I love deeply, or so I have foolishly told myself that I do. Here is where it gets sticky! My last baby boy is Abe's baby not my husbands. My husband suspected something was not right for many years and when I became pregnant I told my husband everything and he chose to save our marriage and forgave me and loves our baby abundantly. The only thing he asked me was to stop the affair. I did for a while but it was very difficult. During the pregnancy my realtionship with my lover was OFF and ON...sort of a love and hate relationship ...He visited me often and would tell me how much he loved me and wanted us to be together but couldn't...(something I forgot to mention)...He is also married! We actually each got married the exact same year and knew "of" eachother before marrying other people, but he says he never got up the nerve to talk to me, even though he really wanted to. He has a 4 year old son. He has always told me that if he leaves his wife she would never let him see his son agian, and he loves that boy over al things...(his son get's sick a lot and his wife hangs that over his head to keep him there). Sometimes I feel he loves his 4 year old son more then our own child together. Although he says he loves our baby he has never given me or offered me one single dollar for the baby's support. (I don't need the money and am financially sound, but for some reason I have always associated a man providing for his children as showing they "love" them).So my baby was born, my husband was there as he has always been. Since I had pulled away from Abe, he didnt see the baby until he was about 3 months old and hadn't seen me since I was about 6 months pregnant, (6 months total). Without my husband knowing, we started the relationship again...During this difficult time, amongst other things my husband and I were going through, I told my husband that I needed some time apart...and asked him to leave our home, he was hurt, but he respected my decision and rented an apartment for about 6 months...I know that deep down inside I was hoping and praying that Abe would see that I was alone and choose to be with us...he never did! Again he said he loved me, wanted to be with me, but he couldn't leave his son. He did however ask me to seperate from my husband permanently and he promised he would be a part of my life as much as he could. I tried it for a while...and I practically had to make appointments in order for him to come and spend time with us and he always refuse to spend the night. (I do live an hour away from him, making it so much harder, when the affair started we lived in the same town, one of my husband's conditions upon forgivng me was for us to move away from that town). Ok, so when I realized (again) that Abe just wasn't going to commit to us, I woke up from this stupid ilusion and told him to get lost (again! I have done this several times...I get courage to pull away, but then miss him)...I asked my husband to come back home and he graciously did. It wasn't easy raising 3 kids on my own. (He never knew why I asked him to leave or that I was in contact with Abe during that time). Ok, so I have been doing great lately...8 months have past since I last seen Abe...my baby is now 15 months old...I am happy in my marriage, I have never had a reason not to be...my husband moves mountains to make me and our children happy. He is a family man, a God-fearing man, a business man, financially wise and secure. He supports my goals, pushes me to be a better person and motivates me to reach for my dreams... Beyond a few text messeges here and there I have not spoken to Abe at all...he hasn't called to ask about the baby and has never sent any surprise gifts for the baby...his first birthday came and went and all I got was a Happy Birthday text for him. My own birthday came and went and I got a birthday song left on my voicemail (I purposely did not answer)...Then Mothers day came and I got a Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful mother text, but this time I responded to the text...he then called me and said he wants to see me...misses me, thinks about me and baby always, bla, bla bla!...I stood strong (yeah!) and I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, not yet at least...Let me make something clear...about how this man make me feel...he literally makes me weak in the knees only by seeing him, when he touches me I melt, when he kisses me, there is no controlling myself...he is just so sexy..I know, I know, what good has that gotten me...right? None! (I just wanted to let you know what I am up against)So here we are in June 2009 and out of the blue he called me and again said he wants to see me...I so desperatly wanted to see him too...so we arranged a meeting and had lunch this weekend...I thought it would be a nice afternoon together with him and I and the baby (remember he hasn't seen us in 8 months)... I was nervous! It was an hour drive just to get there...He was late! Lunch was pleasant, he couldnt stop telling me how beautiful I was, how sexy, hot, precious I look (last time he saw me I hadn't lost all the baby fat, but now I am smokin' jejeje)...he also played and fed the baby and said how handsome and how much the baby looks like him...he even said "we make beautiful babies". Then he dropped the bomb! He said how much he missed me, loves me, want to be in our life and how he wants us to start up again...and there I was taking it all in once again, my heart happily floating away, dreaming, hoping, wishing...so I asked him, "What are your conditions?" (because he always seems to have some) "How do you want us to be?" And these are the words that are still haunting me...he said..."Like this, like we are now?" -- "It makes it more exciting...more interesting"...And then I asked him..."So you want to see me once a month, twice a month, what exactly?" -- he said, "The time we spend apart will make our together time that more special and passionate...in each others arms we will escape from the rest of the world...I wish I would have known you before and hadn't married her but I can't change that now...but I don't want to lose you...you are the love of my life, we don't need to be apart, we don't need to suffer, we can be together forever, like this! But it is up to you...I can't force you, but just know that I promise to love you and make you happy."I didn't say anything in response to that...all I said is..."I want to hug you"...I really did! (I hadn't seen him in so long, my arms hungered for his embrace, my mouth for his lips!). He excitedly said, "Let's go!"...we left the restaurant.We walked to my car and he hugged me and began to kiss me...he said how much he desired me, he touched me all over...I can't lie it felt good! Yes we were in the parking lot...we stayed there for a while "making out kinda hot and heavy"...I controlled myself and waited to see if he offered to take me and the baby to the Chuck e Cheese down the street or to get some ice cream, anything, anywhere in order to spend some more time together and get us out of the parking lot (seemed kinda of trashy to be making out there), but he didn't! I got the feeling he had somewhere to be...his cell phone was ringing, he kept looking at the clock...it got quiet all of a sudden, so I said... "ok I know you have to go, so I'll talk to you later..." He asked me if we can see eachother this following Monday, when we had more time...(I was thinking to myself "I have the time now you are the one that doesn't!") Before he left he said..."I just want to love you, let me love you..." I told him I would let him know. All I could think about was how I got cheated out of his time again...what I thought would be a nice afternoon together after not seeing eachother for sooo many months, turned out to be a 1 hour drive to get to a 1 hour lunch, and then an 1 hour drive back home. I spent more time driving then what I did with him or what he spent with the baby. I guess my question to anyone out there is why the heck do I still keep believing that he is going to change his mind and choose me? How do I get rid of this guy once and for all? How do I tell my heart to get rid of him once and for all?How do I love and raise my baby boy without thinking about the man who I am trying to forget?Why am I even considering taking him up on his offer of being his part-time lover?Why am I so angry with him, and feel so hurt and betrayed, yet when I see him, fall so easily into his arms?Why do I feel like paying someone to call his wife and tell her everything so she can leave him? (Anyone want to take me up on that, jejeje) The next part of this is going to make me sound like a bitter, shallow woman...but I just want to let it all out, please forgive me! His wife is disgusting, ugly, short, overweight, uneducated, unemployed, and totally has the "dyke" look going on...He says he does not love her and is there for his child, come on, is that really possible? My self esteem has dropped a bunch because of him, questioning how his wife is better than me...but no offense to her or anyone but I feel I am so much more prettier than her (tall, blonde, light complexion, luscious body even after 3 kids (jejeje), successful, educated, all around beauiful and tastefully sexy at the same time...(I know this makes me sound so bad) but I have asked myself this time and time again and have never had the nerve to ask him.I guess I am just trying to find reasons why he would not want to be with me...I don't know why I care, when I have a wonderful man who has proved his love to me unconditionally and strives to make me happy in every way. The problem is I just don't see my husband the way I see Abe...I don't desire him, I don't long for him...but I do love and appreciate him...and he has never hurt me as Abe has hurt me and has caused me to hurt my husband.Even though Abe's "indescent proposal" "sounded" inticing, exciting, sexually thrilling, and fulfilling, I know my heart and how decietful it is...I know I could probably live like that for a couple of weeks but not forever...If I truly love someone, how do I tell my heart that I can't have that person unless I have pre-made appointment...I can't do it! Right?Or can I? Should I? Is there anyone out there that thinks I should go for it...enjoy it to the fullest, love him like crazy and have NO regrets about it...Does anyone think that by doing this maybe someday he will see that he can't live without me and leave his wife?Will anyone be willing to call his wife and let her know who he is? If not for me for her own sake?I know how crazy I must sound...please understand how confused I feel...Please don't be too harsh on me...I have beat up on myself enough...but maybe I just need to hear other people tell me and comfront me with what I already know...THANKS SO MUCH!CANT GET OVER HIM, better yet, I am doing my very best to get over him...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (29 October 2009):
You are hands down THE most conceited, self-centered, selfish poster that I have ever come across on this site. It is people like you who make this world terrible. You do not deserve any happiness. Your looks will one day fade and your business success means nothing because money cannot buy the one thing that you truly need, morals.
After reading your post, I sincerely hope that Hell is real, because no punishment that you could receive in this life time would be harsh enough for you. I feel truly sorry for your kids and loving husband for all the pain and suffering you have put them through. It's too bad that you are too self-absorbed to even care about them.
A
female
reader, femalespicolli +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Pebbles is completely right. It sounds to me like you are more like the 15-19 age range, rather than 30 years old with children!I hope that you go to counseling, on account for your husband and your children. What made you think that you could get away with acting like this and having this affair in the first place? You are a terrible wife and mother from what you have exemplified here. You wanted the truth, i'm sorry, but this is just pathetic.If you want to redem yourself and change your ways, CHANGE your cell phone number. Even get a RESTRAINING ORDER if the need be, maybe he will get the picture that you need to completely cut him our of your life. You are torturing yourself and your family, where is your honor?When you feel the "urge" to text or call him,...remember how utterly unethical you are acting and how much your husband and children love you. You say you feel guilty but you still can't get over this man and stop communicating with him?How could you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Hi, sorry, I've just noticed the questions you posed in your last post. To answer them one by one: Breaking contact with Abe, IF you truly want to, is the easiest thing in the world. You decide that he's history, change your number, pretennd he doesn't exist, and anytime you feel that sick temptation returning, go and take a cold shower and look around you and look at your kids and realise why you have to give this up IMMEDIATELY. It's up to you. As far as 'forgiving yourself', that's something you rightfully will never be able to do if you have a conscience, but what's important is making a fresh start, recognising what you've been, and promising yourself to be the best person you can be. Again, that's up to you. How to 'get over feeling used and played like a fool?' Imagine how your husband would feel, then cut the self-pity. And 'how to look at my baby boy and forget everything?' No more difficult than all the other areas in which you have to live with yourself. Your baby boy is blissfully unaware of the situation, and doesn't deserve the devastation of ever finding out that his dad isn't his dad. He hasn't a clue about matters like that - isn't that a consolation? Better that, than him being a teenager and being confronted with the fact that you're doing this. So ask yourself, what will you do in ten years' time if Abe calls while your kids are playing out the back garden? Up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Ok... Thanks for establishing that his WIFE is 'disgusting, ugly, short, uneducated, unemployed', your HUSBAND is 'a wonderful man, financially wise and secure', your F**KBOY is 'enticing, exciting, sexually thrilling and fulfilling', and that you yourself are 'tall, blonde, luscious body even after 3 kids, successful, educated, all round beautiful and tastefully sexy'. It's given us all a wonderfully clear picture of what sort of person you are, and how you view other people. This rings a few bells. I'd like to know, what age are your 3 kids and how would you feel if they found out what you're up to? I'm 19, arrived home one day from school at age 15 while my dad was at work, and happened to overhear my mother having ear-screechingly loud sex with another man. I'd a fair idea who the guy in question was, having always been somewhat suspicious of the way they seemed to interact, and felt powerless to do anything other than stand there and feel the blood completely drain from my heart. And four years on, it's still going on. I've never confronted her or even mentioned anything or done so much as drop a hint that I know what's going on. It just seems too difficult, too big a step, too likely to cause grief and upheaval. How do I know it's still going on? Because I have to f***ing listen to it every once in a while, when I get home the odd night (every few weeks) and notice my dad's car isn't there, turn the key in the door and then have my suspicions very loudly confirmed by the noises from upstairs. Since you've clearly no conscience at all about your deliberate choice to be unfaithful over and over and over again, I trust that you will at least have the decency to ensure that your undoubtedly fulfilling and sexually satisfying lust-fest is conducted AWAY from your family home, somewhere you won't be overheard. I can assure you that your kids will never think very highly of you if they find out, which is almost inevitable unless you're spectacularly brilliant at covering your tracks. What's done can't be undone. At this stage, it would be ridiculous for me to give you advice to the effect that you need to give up your f**kboy and work on your marriage. Bit late now. It's a sham marriage and always will be. The other question begged by all this is: should you come clean and tell him everything? While morally I'm inclined to think you should, I'd take all the practicalities into consideration and say, no, don't tell him. It would destroy him, destroy your marriage, and in all likelihood destroy your kids' lives. (I've lived every day for three years in the full knowledge that I could tell my father what's going on, but I've a fair idea what the consequences would be and I'm not inclined to jeopardise the way things are. So I've never told him, probably never will. Fully expecting him to find out some day, though. Not a day I look forward to.) I'm sure you're far from being a monstrous Antichrist (neither is my mother - she's plenty of great qualities!) but it's certainly safe to say there are serious issues with your attitude to the world and to other people. Since that clearly doesn't bother you in the slightest, the only worthwhile practical advice I can give you is to be DISCREET and minimise the hurt you cause to your family. By the way, if you 'feel he loves his own 4 year old son more than our own child together', please bear in mind that it might just be related to the fact that he's brought up this beautiful child and seen it every day for four years, an option that wasn't available in the case of the other child, due to the annoyingly inconvenient fact that he happens to live with his REAL father (as opposed to his biological father) - the man who has helped raise him from day one and in your own words 'loves him abundantly'. Husbands can be such a pain in the ass, such an inconvenience. But hey, he's 'financially secure'. And on that note, if you're 'financially sound and don't need the money', why on earth would it even enter your unbelievably selfish head that your f**kboy 'has never given or offered me one single dollar for the baby's support'? What exactly do you want? Ten thousand dollars a week for holidays, private jets, makeovers and male prostitutes? ('The baby's support'...yeah, right!!) Still, it's nice to know that you're 'happy in your marriage' and that there is no fault on your part, it's just a matter of your f**kboy being irrestibly sexy, so how could you be expected to resist? Hope I haven't 'been too harsh'. You did ask for advice.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (18 June 2009):
 What it comes down to is you secretly thrive
on all this drama. You created it because without
it, your life would be boring.
you are crazy about Abe because he is a huge
Challenge to you. You are bored with your
husband and need to understand why this man
doesn't worship you.
You are the stereo typical blonde female
I see on Tv that only thinks about Me!me!me!
If you want to be better than do the right thing.
You're smart ..educated ... But something
inside u does not want up let Abe go..cuz if
you to, then you would have a boring unfullfilling
life like the rest of the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): i think the best is counselling, you will get all the help you need there. your actions so far makes me think you are a utter/total/complete *itch. sorry, but we are being honest here. if a man had to do what you have done to your hb wow, he would be roasted. you have to realise your actions have consequences. i truly believe you only care for yourself, your hb's happiness doesn't even come into the equation. is he some sort of dumb doormat, that he cannot see the real manipulative you. or are you just so good at lieing and cheating that he is none the wiser. you are so messed up and you need to get your act together. your total disrespect for him and your boys is evident. i truly believe your hb deserves better than you. i think you know this as well but as with the other aspects in your life, you selfishly hold on to this one decent thing in your life. you selfishly steal his life, his finances, his resources. when will it end. knowingly the little you wrote, you will end it only when you have no need for him. you will continue to mess up his life and your boys lives. you have created such havoc in these peoples lives. do you even know who the real you is. do you even care. or are you so perfect in covering up the truth that you have no conscious really. this time i am not judging you, merely pointing out what you have become. if you really did love your hb you would release him.
i actually feel sorry for your kids. you have become an emotional basketcase all by your greed- your greed for your lover. you did the unthinkable earlier in your marriage, becoming pregnant with your lovers child. the decent man that your hb is, well he took this little "orphan" as his own and he is loving him, nurturing him, yet you prefer your pathetic lover to your hb? wow, speaks volumes about you. what now? you may use the power suits and pretend that you are better, but you know wht , you are not. being a successful business woman without morals, pity we cannot buy some over the internet. you may not have had full blown sex with your lover recently but remember the day at the parking lot "Yes we were in the parking lot...we stayed there for a while "making out kinda hot and heavy" you continue to betray your hb yet want us to feel sorry for you. what is wrong with you. you are playing a sick game, you believe you are a victim of some sorts? a victim or a villian? you decide. you have sowed so much of deceit/betrayal/ manipulation/corruption in your young life.
you need to learn about the concepts - disengage and release. once you realise the true meaning of it it may just help you make a better person of yourself. in life we all have choices. it is the deliberate wrong choices we make that dictate the path our lives take. we cannot blame others, we cannot condone ourselves but when we take a real hard look at our lives and realise just what a mess we have made, we should attempt to learn from these so called mistakes. for 4 years you have been continuously making your mistakes, your hb has been your doormat, you come and go as and when you please in your marriage. for 4 years you have gotten away with the ultimate betrayal. its time to stop. first step is counselling. the lies have to stop. the pretence has to stop. the betrayal has to stop. you have to stop. goodluck and you need to act on these words- ' no more.........'
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A
female
reader, fungirl69 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 My advise is to continue the affair with this man. You clearly want what you can't have. Ultimately, your husband will find out again and will some day be strong enough to stand up for himself. Once your husband does this, you will want him more than you have ever wanted anyone. You will be over Abe and focused on your husband at that point.
Trust me, this is what will happen and I am not judging. I think that you will ultimately do this, and that this is what you want/need. We are all wired differently...you won't have the stability others have, but you will have very intense "love highs" others will never know. (problem is that the lows come with them).
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow...I thank all of you really...the ones who came down on me hard and those who actually took the time to give me advice...everything you said is true, I am a horrible person, I have done horrible things, and if I am crying out for help is because I do not want to continue down this path... I need help...but who do you go to in a time like this? Who do you share a dark, dark secret with?
Please understand that I have not had a sexual affair with this man in over 8 months and plan on NOT having one anymore...
UPDATE: We had scheduled a meeting for today 06/17 and he called me and asked, what time I would be arriving (I AGAIN have to make the 1 hour drive)...I saracastically asked him how much time will he be giving us today..he said about one hour and 1/2...right there, right then I realized, this was a joke!...And that ALL of you are right! I guess I already KNEW it, but somewhere, somehow I thought I could change him, yeah right! Men like him never change! He hasn't seen me or the baby in 8 months and just wants to give us an hour and 1/2, yup! sounds like booty call...ok, I am totally over that!
I honestly thank you guys...and ask you to keep the comments coming, believe me THEY HELP...
I am doing a lot of soul searching and will start counseling soon, I dont want to hurt my husband anymore, I dont want to hurt anymore...but I understand now that there are deeper issues, lies, that have led me to believe that I deserve this or want this, or that this is better then what I have at home...
But I am getting closer to God and I know that with his help and MY DESICION, I will break this awful cycle of "addiction" to this relatonship, and live an abundant and happy life with those who REALLY love me, and have proved it, my husband and my children....
Last questions:
Any advice on how to break ALL contact with Abe? Should I change my cell phone number completely? What do I do when I remember or get an urge to talk to him or text him?
How do I begin to forgive myself for my stupidity? How do I get over feeling used and played as a fool? How do I look at my baby boy and forget everything?
Please know that I want to make a change, breaking me down helps to slap me into reality, but giving me actual steps to follow would guide me to make better desicions...
Thanks everyone...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): First of all, it's your husband's child because he's raising him and his name is on the birth certificate. This other guy doesn't even care about that and loves his wife and family and plans to stay where he is. He doesn't really even consider it his child and is perfectly content letting another man, your husband, father it and that should show you how much he doesn't want anymore involvement than just sex with you once in awhile.
He's even told you this is just an escape and a fantasy for him so all this talk about love forever is just part of that fantasy, not real. It's real for you! He didn't even really react much when you left your husband, what does that tell you? Uh...you are trying to make some fantasy for him real and it's just not. You love someone that's not even the slightest bit in love with you.
Of course he'll never leave his wife and son, he would have already done that. Even if his wife found out, he'd do everything he could to repair that marriage and he'd have no problem cutting you out in a new york minute, forever.
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A
female
reader, pebble  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Aaah, yes. The token older, married rich business women who is having an affair with someone she thinks she's meant to be with yet will not leave leave their wife for her. The women who is so wrapped up in herself and her pathetic affair that she cannot see what is staring her in face.
You are all becoming quite the stereotype.
You will lose all sympathy from aunts here when you say things like this.
"His wife is disgusting, ugly, short, overweight, uneducated, unemployed, and totally has the "dyke" look going on..."
What a vile statement from a so-called 'lady'.
Funny how he is still with her and not you isn't it?
He has a child with you but hasn't offered you a penny to support it? Yet cannot stand the thought of not seeing the child he has with her and loves it with all his heart...
But still you do not see.
You are nothing but his booty call. He comes to you when his short, fat, unemployed, dyke wife becomes a pain. Then goes back to HER when he's finished with you. Your kid doesn't even figure into the equation.
You do not deserve such a forgiving husband.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (15 June 2009):
Aaah, yes. The token older, married rich business women who is having an affair with someone she thinks she's meant to be with yet will not leave leave their wife for her. The women who is so wrapped up in herself and her pathetic affair that she cannot see what is staring her in face.
You are all becoming quite the stereotype.
You will lose all sympathy from aunts here when you say things like this.
"His wife is disgusting, ugly, short, overweight, uneducated, unemployed, and totally has the "dyke" look going on..."
What a vile statement from a so-called 'lady'.
Funny how he is still with her and not you isn't it?
He has a child with you but hasn't offered you a penny to support it? Yet cannot stand the thought of not seeing the child he has with her and loves it with all his heart...
But still you do not see.
You are nothing but his booty call. He comes to you when his short, fat, unemployed, dyke wife becomes a pain. Then goes back to HER when he's finished with you. Your kid doesn't even figure into the equation.
You do not deserve such a forgiving husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This guy dosen't want to be with you, your just his bit on the side and you know that! So sit back, realize one day your husband will stop being a weak man and will leave you for a much better woman so you better stop now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 June 2009):
 We get posts very similar to yours all the time. One thing I've learned on this site over the years is that people like you are not really looking for help at all, you either are just looking for someone to justify your stupid behavior or you just get off telling your story. Which ever it is, I'll save my pearls of wisdom for someone who actually may need some advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): i read this long post and could not believe your SELFISHNESS. you have been a horrible bitch to your hb for so long, the gall of you! you are actually pathetic and i do not want to waste any more of my energies on you. you are so full of yourself. so condescending (about his wife), you actually do not deserve your husband and certainly not your married man. get real. its about about YOU, YOU, YOU. it is women like you that give all women a bad name. you may be a successful business woman, but do you possess any morals? evidently not?anything else i want to say would not be posted. why? because i would give you an earfful/mouthful and tell you exactly what you need to hear. sadly it would fall on deaf ears... and you know it.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 June 2009):
 why would you bother going back there?
he has no intentions of leaving his wife clearly!
he keeps telling you what you want to hear and then doing the total opposite.
he wanted YOU to leave your husband but he wouldn't leave his wife?
that's not what you want at all.
why have you got to give up everything all bit of happiness for him?
he doesn't want you for his own no he wants two women he wants one to be his bit on the side and thats you!
he wants you as his mistress.
now this guy you're with he's an angel he's fathering your baby boy even though he knows it isn't his that's got to be tough on him.
and the actual father BARELY speaks about him he loves his OTHER son too much doesn't really give a hoot about the one he has with you...?
do you REALLY want a guy like that in your fathers life?
i think you DON'T do this thing he's asked you to do because he's asking way too much of you and he's not giving up anything in return.
why should you be the one to give up everything for him?
when he clearly isn't that committed to do the same to you?
hope this helps.
enjoy your life with the man you married.
x x x x x xx xc
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Your husband 'forgave you' after fathering another man's child - enough said! Do you have any idea how impossible that is for most men?Divorce is the best answer because putting your husband through this is like abuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I would presume you made vows when you married your husband. You describe him as exemplary, yet you continue to betray him in a most profound way, even after he has forgiven you. He does not deserve to be treated that way.
You should divorce your husband and leave the children with him. It's the only honourable thing left at this point. And I suspect that once you're no longer forbidden fruit, Abe won't be interested any more either. If he is, fine -- you two deserve each other.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You can get over him. You just choose not to. It's one of those stupid mindsets that people force themselves into when they can't account for their own actions. Just getting that straight first of all. Second. You are nothing to this guy but just a fling on the side. You know why he doesn't give you and your two's kid the time of day over his wife and his kids through his marriage? Because he loves them more. That's why he married her, not you. That's why he spends time with them. Not your kid. He wants to have you any time he wants and not put up with the hassle of being actually attached to you. He may say that he 'loves you', but actions speak louder than words. I mean what kind of man is he really if he doesn't even have the nads to pay for child support? Of course it's more exciting if he just sees you once enough. You know why your self esteem is gone? Because of the poor choices you are making and the effect that it is having on your life. This woman he is married to might be more or less attractive than you, but she's got two things you don't. Pride and dignity. And those two things will keep a man locked much more than whatever you think you might have to offer. Sorry. So here's what you should do. Divorce your husband. Because you obviously broke him in some way in order for him to take someone like you back repeatedly. He needs to gain confidence in himself, and he is definitely not going to do that with someone like you who is having an affair. Also, this will be better for your kids, and I hope that your husband would have custody. Second, I would stop seeing this guy on the side entirely. Because you are messing up his family as well as your own. He is never going to divorce the woman he is with. He'll just keep screwing around with you and going home to her. Why would an adulterous man ever give up the security of being married with the perk of having some other source of free and casual sex with someone else? Please.You aren't confused. You know what you should do. The right thing. He'll never leave his wife for you if you leave, because there are always other women out there that are willing to have a cheap affair. I would turn your life around before things take a turn for the worse. Sounds like you need to start over entirely and re-define who you are.
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