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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for 7 years. When we first got together we made love frequently but as soon as we moved in together (seven months after meeting)it stopped. In three years we only made love 5 times. I asked him what the problem was and tried all sorts to turn him on but nothing worked.I then found out that he was on the computer getting off on porn.We discussed this and he said that he didnt know why he didnt want sex anymore but still wanted to pleasure himself. Despite this problem we got married two years ago. We didnt make love until three days after the wedding day.Last year I had a drunken one night stand with his friend. I have never had a one night stand before but was just desperate for the intimacy.I was so drunk though,I hardly remember it.I felt terrible and I told my husband about it the next day. He was upset but said he would be fine and said he understood why I had felt the need to do it, which basically just made me feel worse. Sex resumed in our relationship for the next few weeks after my one night stand but stopped again just after Christamas last year. i really dont know what to do. We have a decent relationship and get on really well with each other.We hold each other a lot and cuddle alot but thats it. I feel that I have exhausted all routes. I don't want to leave and would hate to be on my own but am starting to think that if I dont leave now and find somebody else my sex life is over at 42.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006): The problem started when you moved in. You must ave thought you cud sort it otherwise you wunt ave got wed. He dint want you till someone else did and then within weeks when he thought everything was alrite he dint want you again. He cant blame low sex drive as he must be thinkin bout it to visit porn sites.You must love him to still be with him.I know that wedlock is more than sex but its a big part in everyones life and if theres problems in the marriage then its the first thing to suffer. If there is no medical reason as to why he dont want sex with you then have you thought he may be getting it somewhere else? I know that is blunt but cant think of any other reason
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006): He looks at porn because he then doesnt have to give you any atention or pleasure he can just concentrate on himself.Do you know what kind of porn he looks at? I cant understand why anyone who is with somebody would not want to have full sex but would still want to cuddle and hold you. Do you think he is gay? I know I wouldnt be able to put up with it. I think you should leave and find somebody that actually wants you in all ways. I think he is selfish and just wants whats best for him. Tell him to sort it out or leave.
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A
female
reader, Hunny Bunny +, writes (5 April 2006):
i woudl tell him stright. Tell him you dont like him useing all his energy looking at porn an that you would like to make love more. Tell him you miss the intamacy you both used to have with each oter and want to no what went wrong. Is it that hes got to used to looking at porn an taking the easyier way out rather than sleeping with you.Ask him. Tell him you need to make love with him not other people but if he carries on that you may as well not be together. Being in a relationship isnt all about havin sex its about bein intamat and hes not giving any to you. Let him no.
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