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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello i hope someone can help me make sense of what i am going through just now, i have so many mixed emothions and feel really confused. I will try to keep this as short as i can. Well the thing is I was with my fiance for 4 years, i am 28, he is 33 and i also have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We hadnt been getting along for a while and our sex life was practically non exitstant if i am honest i wasnt truly happy with the lack of love and affection between us he left about 2 months ago after a huge row, i still felt devestated when he moved out, for about 4 weeks i cried constantly, i was devestated. we talked every day we still do talk and we are still close we are not arguing like we did when we lived together he says he loves me and still wants to be with me, we agreed that a break from each other would be a good thing for us and we have talked about trying again but he wanted to take it slow, just be friends for a while it took me a while to get used to this i never thought i would feel ok i have been hurtng so much but now things are really complicated i had a night out with friends, got really drunk, i invited a few people back to my house there was this gorgeous young guy only 21 and i did something which was totally out of character for me and i am still amazed, everyone had gone home but he had fallen asleep on my couch, i woke him uo and i asked him if he wanted to go upstairs i had the most amazing time with this gorgeous guy, this was 2 weeks ago and since that night i felt really happy i did feel guilty but i havent cried, i am holding it together better than i thought i would now i just dont know anymore if i should continue to wait for things to get better with my fiance or not i do love him and when i think of not ever seeing him i feel really sad and i cant imagine it but at the same time i cant get this other guy out my head i got his phone number off his friend and have been texting him and i said i would maybe see him at the weekend am i just being stupid i am scared of what the future holds and i am so confused over what is the right thing to do sorry if this post is a little long i hope someone can help me make sense of these mixed up emotions i am feeling thank yuo for taking the time to read my post
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 I have a certain opinion about this issue as I have been in this situation, except I was the fiance. My fiance broke up with me and we remained friends going out and having fun together and still talked everyday. Well, she had met a man thru her aunt and she liked him(all this I found out later). At first she was saying we can work it out and we can take it slow but once he was in the picture she was confused. She denied feelings for him and said he was no one and so forth and so on... I ended up going to her place at 2am and he was there... This crushed me... Though we weren't together technically it still hurt...Now I could never see myself with her as I feel as if she is deceitful. This could be the way your fiance feels if he finds out. I think it would be better if you leave this other guy out of the picture until your head is straight. What you had was fling. You are willing to sacrifice your forever and your definite for a possibility. Is it actually worth it. You have someone there that is willing to work on what you have and then you have a person who is willing to screw you whenever he feels the urge or you do. I must be insane but I always thought love conquers all but lately I find that lust is just a bit more powerful. Don't let anyone further confuse you. Follow your heart not your genitals.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 You had a one night stand.....sort of....Technically you were not with your fiance. Don't put to much stock in this 21 year old guy. He's probably not looking for a relationship, although anything is possible. If you choose to be with your fiance, you'll have to live with this. IF you let him know what happened, it would probably end any chance of getting together. IF it turns out you don't get back together, then you gain nothing by telling him and niether does he.
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