A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello I need help or advice with a problem I created for about 6 years.Im in love with two people and my boyfriend doesnt know about the other man. I met my boyfriend now father of my two year son about 6 years old. We were both young and we had many problems mostly with him not being sure of being in a relationship and him cheating constantly. Then when I found out all my suspicions of him cheating were true he chose to stop. I was devistated to find rhe truth but I gave him a chance for our son mostly. But besides that we are more stable than ever. But he doesnt know that a year after me and him were dating I was about 18 I met guy #2 at school. Hes the total opposite of my boyfriend, hes hardworking artistic, he loves to draw and he has a career. Hes charming even though hes a pretty husky guy hes attractive. In the 5 years ive talked to him I never kiased him or had sex with him. He knows I had a kid and im still with his dad. He wants me to be with him and move in with him. But the only reason I havent is because I love my sons dad also I love them both. They both have qualities that apeal to me its like they both offer things that just one of them cant give. Ive told this to guy #2 and he knows I love my sons dad. And hes gotten impatient and wants me to chose or hes gone and I dont think I can be without them both. Also I know guy 2 seeing other women wich I dont mind since its not official but another reason why I dont want to commit to just him is bc I dont think he knows what he wants emotionally. Hes ready to settle but hes never had a commited thing with a girl... Im so confused help... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Justinara  +, writes (11 June 2012):
I have to be honest,
it sounds like you need to clear your head.
You got into a relationship too soon and had a baby too young, so what did you expect.
I say take some time out and ask yourself what do you want.
And talk to guy number 2. If he is seeing other women I do not think he likes you so much in that ' I want to be with you forever' way. I also suggest taking time out from the 2nd guy because your relationship is with the father of your baby is more important. If you still can't get the other guy out of your head than maybe you need to leave the guy number 1. Its your call, just trust you will make the right call, no matter what. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): If your in love with two men you pick the second one because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallin for the second. As for the cheatin, that should hve been unforgivable. How do you trust him? Don't stay in this relationship just for the sake of your kid, but this #2 guy won't wait forever....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Who's arms do you want to sleep in at night? That's the one you will go for.
Don't stay with your baby's dad just for the sake of your child, if that man can't make you happy.
But in all honesty, of you love BOTH just as much then maybe you still haven't found the ONE person that you love more than both of them? Maybe you love these men only to a certain degree, which means both of them mean just as much to you. But maybe, and probably, there is an even greater love out there yet to be discovered. I usually say that when in doubt, don't buy. When you don't know who to choose... choose neither. I think it is time for you to be single, and on your own! Only then, when both of these men are out, only then will you figure out which one, or if any of them, you actually want to be with. It is much easier to decide on this, and see things clearly, if you remove yourself from the situation and get some distance between yourself and the issue at hand.
So the solution is: take a break from them both. Tell your boyfriend you need some time to yourself, to think about your relationship and things in general. Tell the other guy the same, that you are going to take some time to yourself and in this time you don't want to talk to him.
Then go about a month without either. And YES this can be done. You can still communicate with your boyfriend about your child and other necessities.. but keep it to a minimum and get as much time away from them both as you can. Stay with a friend, or family, in the mean-time. Or elsewhere, if you have other options.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Well...you might love them both, but you are not being fair to either of them. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and your boyfriend had you and another woman he was in love with...how would you feel? I know it doesn't make it any easier to choose between the two, but if you don't choose, they will choose for you and will leave. I am really not sure how to answer except to say that you need to choose the man you can see yourself being happy with. So, consider your own actions and think about what/who you really want in your life. What I don't understand is that if guy #2 really loves you...why is he seeing other women? That does not make sense. I wouldn't even consider choosing someone who was seeing other women while seeing me at the same time. If he is doing that...he is not all that interested in a committed relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hi,
You've actually answered your own question by saying that your guy # 2 isn't available to committ or be fully emotional. For someone who is intent on having you and wants to be with you sure finds time to date other women. I am not sure what your take on love is, but if someone is consumed with love and tenderness for another, nothing really distracts them and they don't go dating other people while waiting for the one they supposedly love to come around. It's just my way of thinking....I'm just saying.
You have a son and live with his father in a relationship. I am not sure if you still really love him or if you are there because of your son. You have decided to give this man another chance and have actually mentioned that things have gotten better. I am not sure why you would want to to throw that away for someone who is dating other people and giving you an ultimatum...while he knows you are committed to someone else.
Only you can make this decision. The best I can suggest is put your son first. Put your stability and future first. What is stopping this Guy # 2 from still chatting with these other women and cultivating relationships .....just like what you guys did...if you do choose to be with him....Karma has a way of shooting you in the foot to prove a point.
Think carefully about this before you throw away the best things you ever had.
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A
female
reader, SaraB +, writes (10 June 2012):
I think, maybe, you answered your own question. I can't make a moral judgement about this - I am one of a minority who doesnt believe there is "the one". Guy number one satisfies some of your emotional needs as does guy number 2. THe big question is - which one do you think loves you? It sounds as though the father of oyur child pulled his crap together and made an enormous effort to be the best partner and father he could be - for you because he loves you and wants you to be happy. Guy number 2 sounds as though he is being a bit manipulative. Giving you an ultimatum is not the way to take the pressure off!!
If I had to make the choice (and I know this will not appealto the monogamous people out there) is keep guy number one, be strong with number 2 and maybe form a passionate friendship (sex not necessary) whtih a whole load of other people out there and have all your emotional needs met. It might, in the long term, be advisable to talk to the father of your child about the way you feel??? But right now I don't tihnk you need the shit guy number 2 is trying to throw at you.
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