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age
36-40,
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writes: I have been married for 4 years, and have been with my husband for almost 8. We also have a child and have a good life. The thing is I am also in love with some one else. The guy doesn't really know, I'm sure he has some sort of idea. We text and email here and there, but I have not told him how I feel. We dated on and off for 4 years. We have both changed since then, but I feel "safe" with my husband and am afraid to leave. He has told me before that he will take my son, and I am afraid that it would happen because he has a good job and I am a stay at home mom, and haven't been able to go to college yet. No matter how hard I try and even though we have not seen each other in 6 years I think about him everyday. I knew how much my husband cared for me when we started dating and I wanted to give him a chance because I didn't want to get hurt again. I do love my husband, but it is different than how I feel for this other man. I know I could spend the rest of my life with my husband and be happy, but I have regrets for not speaking up to this other man even before me and my husband started dating. Any advice on what I should do?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 I totally agree with "lessonslearned". Marriage is a deal, pact, agreement etc, not a dream. Let me ask you a question. You feel all charged up about this old flame. What happens if you leave your husband, go with the old flame, then feel chareged up about the new guy next door or at work? Do you see? There are always other options out there.
When your husband becomes middle aged he may be a little flabby, wrinkled and tired too. A young handsome man would look great by comparison. But a young handsome guy wouldn't be able to offer the substance and comfort from all the years you've "invested" into your relatonship. That's why I call it an investment.
It sounds like you're a little bored in your marriage. That is part of the deal. Cheating isn't. In my books, what you are doing is actually cheating too. You are only having contact with this guy because you're attracted to him.
Spice up your marriage and leave the other men alone.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Leave this other man alone. It sounds more like you're marriage is leaving you feeling unfulfiled at the moment, and this other guy looks like he could be a great escape. Look at your own marriage and see what it is that's making you feel this way. Are you feeling unloved? Do you spend enough time with each other? Look at your marriage and see what's happening.
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Ah, the grass is always greener, isn't it? Your free to fantasize about a life with another man, but never have to deal with the reality that he's not any better, really, than what you got. He never got the opportunity to hurt you, bore you, fart on you, or anything else that makes hot love mundane marital love. You get to sit at home imagineering a perfect alternative relationship.
Look, your just doing what every 22-25 immature chick does with her love life. Bouncing around, injecting chaos to feel a little drama, kid stuff. Your clearly too young to be in your situation. The only problem is, your a mom. You forfeit the right to be young and dumb.
The only thing that makes a marriage anything is that two people with other options CHOSE to make a commitment and life together. Honor it or quit it.
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A
male
reader, niko465 +, writes (4 October 2009):
no one can stop true love but you dont wanna hurt your husband so just do what you think is right.
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