A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:normally i am the one giving the advice but the tables have turned. i love my man and we are getting married next year and i cant wait but i am lusting after other men. i have 2 really close friends who have said that they love me and if anything happened with me and my partner to let them know. i feel like i want to get in touch with them and have a one off, which is something i have never done. i truely am in love with my soon to be husband but i cant push these feelings away. cant anybody help me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): LoveJunkie is right on the money, dear. You simply need to mature and develop yourself more, before getting married. When a woman is mature enough to marry a man she loves she is committed to 'only' him, she is genuine, she is authentic and the 'real deal'. No other man can turn her head. You are not there, yet, dear and I commend you for writing to ask this question. Better to do that now than to wait until 'after' you are married and you have two kids hanging onto your pantleg. Being genuine is being true to the commitments you have made to each other. Your temptation to lust after other men is a sign of immaturity. And that is not a bad thing, in this case. We have to remember you are just in your early to mid-20's. It's simply the type of 'immaturity that means you are not ready to fully commit. At least not now.
Right now your feelings are centered on your desire to feel wanted and important. I would say, that is simply your ego speaking. It is controlling you. In time, as you develop and grow, you will shed those pretenses, and you'll be able to focus on your bf and the deep bond you both share. Only then, will his attentions matter.
I think you need to get out there and live life up a bit. And date other people. . You aren't ready for committment of marriage. But the huge risk..you give up a man you love. You won't want to do that. So..this is a hard choice for you, dear. My advice to you, talk to your bf. Tell him the wedding plans are tentative until you get to the 'place in life' that you can give your most heartfelt love and devotedness to him. Tell him you need time to develop yourself enough to mature, grow and become the committed woman he needs, to move forward into marriage and family. That would be the most honest, truthful thing to do. It doesn't mean you break up...it just means you give both of you...time to adjust and mature. But if you are tempted to step out on him..at least do the honorable thing and set him free first. Don't put him through the sorrow and pain of knowing you 'cheated ' on him. Good luck in your big life decisions, dear.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I dont think that you should get married any time soon as it just wouldnt be fair to either of you. if you can bring yourself to actually sleep with another man then i would definitely define your 'love' for this man, as i dont think that you could bring yourself to do that with another man if you were truly in love. this could be all cold feet as you know that the date is coming so i do think you should postpone the wedding until you feel 100% positive that you want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him and only him. if you want some help dont hesitate to email me. Good luck!!
xxx
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Don't get married anytime soon. You have to know the person you're marrying is the ONLY one for you. If you're having thoughts or fantasies for other men, you need to wait. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I would guess you're not 100% sure of whether to get married or not, the date is drawing ever closer and you're doubting yourself and your motives for wanting to marry.
It's flattering to know that 2 other guys fancy you, but if you have a couple of 'one-offs' to satisfy this lust, you'll hate yourself for deceiving your soon-to-be husband and when you get married this will be in the back of your mind, and you'll probably experience some guilt for quite a while. And who's to say these other 2 guys wouldn't spill the beans?
It's your decision whether to marry or not, but the only advice I can give is that if you are seriously thinking about cheating it would be best to at least postpone or even cancel the wedding until you're 100% certain about it.
Marry in haste, repent at leisure!
Phil
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