A
female
age
41-50,
*nnocent
writes:I have known a guy since November 2004 during my trip to Michigan through a friend. He texted me everyday. As he stayed in Michigan and I was in New York, we could not see each other but only communicate through sms or he will call me once a week. On Dec 31 2004 he came to New York to celebrate New Year with me. He expressed how he liked me. I was not sure at that time as we were on a long distance relationship. One month later, he came to New York again to ask me if I am ready for a relationship. I told him that I was planning to move to Michigan in 2 months. Maybe that time, we can talk about it again. He told me that if I am ever ready for the relationship, just hug him.When I moved to Michigan, we were still contacting each other. We were not in a relationship yet as I have not hugged him but every day we sms each other and every weekend we hang out together. In April 2005, he asked me to go to a wedding party with him. I rejected him. He was OK and still very nice to me. In July 2005, he asked me again to accompany him to a wedding party. I rejected him by saying that "we were not in a relationship, if i go it will be very weird as I am not your girlfriend." But actually what I meant was it will be better if we are in a relationship so it will not be wierd.Since then, he became very cold to me and never ask me out. When I sms him, he will say that he is busy but still talk to me politely.During Christmas 2005 and New year 2006 he sent me holiday greetings, he also wished me happy birthday in May. Once in a while I still sms him to chat on how he was doing but never hang out anymore as he always say that he was busy. In October 2006, my friend told me that he was in a relationship with a girl. From then on we stopped sms each other.To my surprise, he still sent me holiday greetings even though he was in a relationship. In June 2007, he was out of the relationship. My friend asked me to contact him as he is single. So I wait till his birthday in July to wish him birthday. I just knew then that he will be moving to Boston in 2 weeks. I told him I may go to Boston in few months for the weekend with friends. He told me that if I ever go to Boston, just contact him. I also told him, before he leave for Boston, we should meet up for dinner. He said OK but he left for Boston without contacting me.I am not sure if what I have said to him about the wedding had caused a misunderstanding that made him cold towards me. Why he bother to send me holiday greetings for the past 2 years? What should I do so that he will meet me when I go to Boston next month? What should I do to get him back?
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female
reader, Ms.Sweet dreams  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 dont try to get him back coz its ur fault. u always refuse his invitation. dont force urself to him. go on with ur life and stop contacting with him i just read his mind that he can't no longer stay for being patient to u. the best thing is give him a distance. dont let it happen that he wil confront u and tell u to get out from his life. i know he just shy to tell that to a girl. so i hope u will follow my advice before u will get hurt of him. cheers
A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 From now on, say what you mean, and mean what you say. You're sending mixed, and confusing messages and I think he backed off because he doesn't really know what you want. You are keeping him at arms distance for your own reasons, more than likely it's pride -- who's gonna blink first? Don't buy into that crap that whoever says "I want you" first is the one who loses power. That only applies to high school relationships. If you want this guy, you need to put all your cards on the table and tell him and quit playing these cat-and-mouse games because it's getting neither of you anywhere. If you want to be with him, then tell him. Don't make him guess. Don't be coy. Don't drop hints. Men aren't good at stuff like that. Just say it. If you didn't want to go to the wedding because you thought it would be weird because you were not his g/f - then you should've just said that. Besides, it really didn't matter if you were or you weren't his g/f at the time. The idea is to spend time together and when he invites you to spend time with him -- just do it. Otherwise, he'll think you're not interested and pursue someone else. I hope this helps you solve the mystery.
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