A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When my b/f is stressed out about work, he tends to not want sex. Okay, I can understand that, I know stress can affect a person's sex drive sometimes, but recently during one of those stressful phases, my b/f e-mailed a female friend and made a remark about wanting to have 'no strings' attached sex because he needed a "distraction" from all the work stress he was having. This was during a time when he could've been having sex with me, but he was telling me he 'wasn't in the mood'! She later showed me the email, and I was furious with him. He said it was just a joke and he didn't really mean it, but it makes me wonder! Why do men do this? Why do they seem so quick to push their loving mates away when they're under stress, but will quickly run to arms of a stranger for the sexual "escape" when they are under stress? When I'm under stress, yes sometimes I may not be in the mood, but generally I enjoy having sex with my partner, as a means of distration. Isn't that what a partner is for? To help you through the storms of stress, and give you those moments of distration? Even though he never went through with it,(that I know of) and most of the time he's very loving towards me, I just don't understand why men are like this!? Does this mean he's going to cheat on me later and blame it on the stress?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 men, men, men you sure do generalize people into single categories. i'm a man, and wouldn't do that.Cheating is a choice. It's not a behavior caused by some other feeling or action. If he did this it would be a choice he made, and a violation of your relationship. We need to look at the choices we make and what we blame those choices on. Kids are wonders at blame, "he made me do it", no you chose to hit him because you didn't like the way he spoke to you. Maybe sex does relieve stress in some people. If it does and someone cheats stating it's the stress, they really need to look at handling stress in a less harmful way. He may be stressed, we all get there from time to time, but i: t's our own personal choice on how we deal with it.One of the funniest excuses I heard was when he cheated, he said "it was and accident" She replied, "what your pants were down and you just happened to trip right on top of her."I am someone who generally looks at series of events. Where blame really needs to be placed, and I really believe the saying that states: "Before you choose to place blame, look in the mirror and blame the person you see there first." We as people need to take more responsibility for our actions, and hold ourselves accountable for what we do. That's what builds true character. I respect those who don't place blame and take responsibility. You look at them and it blows you away. It could have been so much easier for them to place blame, but instead they took responsibility no matter what the consequences may be for their actions. I hope this helped you. Before he does something he'll regret, you might just mention you will not accept stress as any excuse because there is no real excuse that can be used to justify someone being unfaithful.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (28 September 2007):
I don't think wanting to have sex with a stranger is a common reaction of men to stress. That said, simple distractions are stress relieving. Exercise is also stress relieving. Is sex with you helpful for his stress?
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