A
female
age
36-40,
*orchwood
writes:I'm in love with my boyfriend's brother. To be fair, I've known and liked the brother longer. To make it easy to understand, we'll call the brother Ted. I worked with Ted for a good year; that's how I met him. I knew from the start that he had a girlfriend, but that didn't really stop us from becoming friends, hanging outside of work, and even flirting harmlessly sometimes at work. He's pretty outgoing, so it didn't even seem out of the ordinary. He eventually quit the job, and a few months later I did too, and we stayed friends. I'm even friends with his girlfriend, his family, HER family, and some of their friends. All was well and good until the night that, for whatever reason, we kissed. He started it, and he stopped it, and I certainly didn't stop it because I had liked him for a good long while. Literally a week or two later, his brother came onto the scene. Let's call him Ben. One thing led to another and one night it became pretty apparent that Ben had a thing for me. We started sorta-kinda dating and then officially dating. Ben lives with Ted and his girlfriend, so I see all of them plenty. I really, really like Ben, but at the same time I like Ted the same, if not more. It's like I'm perfectly content with Ben until Ted walks into the room, and then I can hardly keep my eyes off him. The whole "Ted kissed me" thing tried to come out, but we squashed it down, and Ted apologized for "putting me in that situation" but never apologized for the actual kiss. I really believe he would do it again. Recently it's come out that Ted sort of fixed Ben and I up, because he wanted to see me with someone and I didn't deserve to be single and alone. Ben has also told me several times that Ted cares for me deeply and doesn't ever want to see me hurt. I'm sure this isn't in a romantic way, but it still makes me feel some warm fuzzies inside... what girl wouldn't? But he's still with his girlfriend and loves her very much. They're planning on getting married, and I wish them the best. But every time I hear them fighting I side with Ted, and sometimes I think how I could be better for him. And like I said, I'm still with Ben, and I really do like him and enjoy being around him, but I don't see it working long term with him. Conversely, I could definitely see Ted and I making it for a long, long time.Even as I write this I don't know what to do! I know what I'm SUPPOSED to do, to just let Ted go and marry his girlfriend and live a long and happy life while I go my own merry way. But I just CAN'T. Ted is the one I dream about at night, he's the one I have the most fun hanging around, and he's one of th best friends I've ever had. Why is life so unfair??
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female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 if you are thinking Ben is not a perfect one for you,split up.It may happen that you like Ben only because he is Ted's brother..ask yourself that..and if you like to continue, spend more time together, try to concentrate on his qualities which you like and on common ground which brings happiness to both of you... you have said Ted really loves his girlfriend, if it is so then you should not get into Ted and see if you can avoid Ted..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Ted likes you, cares about you and maybe even fancies you a bit but that's it I feel. He has a girlfriend. I'm sure if he really wanted you he would not have set you up with his brother! You could only declare yourself to him and risk rejection and embarrassment all round. It would not ease your feelings and you may lose your boyfriend. If Ben is not enough for you, end it and look elsewhere. Forget Ted in a romantic way as if he was an ex. You somehow have to realise that your feelings for Ted are unrequited and accept it otherwise you risk years of longing that will only make you unhappy.
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