A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I´ve been married for 7 yrs..got married when i was 18..too young..have two beautiful children... me and my husband had an abortion and that made us grew apart from each other..after that i was feeling depressed and met someone.. an older man, married, whose marriage was over, wife was going thru a depression too.. in the beggining we were just friends talking about our problems but with time we fell in love with each other... he wants to live his wife to be with me, i feel like i want to do the same as i know its not right that im cheating on my husband.. he does know how i feel about our marriage for a long time now.. although i didnt tell him i met someone i told him i no longer feel the same for him and think we should go separate ways... he doesnt agree and wants to work things out..i dont know if getting divorced and moving on with this other man is the right choice or if i should give my marriage another try..i dont wanna hurt my husband or the man i fell in love with..What should i do... would i ever be happy with someone 16 yrs older than me...
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abortion, depressed, divorce, fell in love, older man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I would like to thank everyone who replied to my question... I did end things with the other man and am now trying to find myself, trying to figure out what i want for me.. me and my husband are taking some time apart so i can figure out what the next step will be...hopefully i´ll find my way soon..thank you once again for all the thoughtful replies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): it's always easier to just stay in your marriage than to leave, that's how people get into affairs. And that's how people end up wasting their lives, because they didn't have the courage to leave their marriages that they no longer want to be in and make a better life for themselves and set their spouses free to make a better life for themselves too.
it takes guts to admit you made a mistake marrying someone or that you can't stand them and it's not working out, and to get up off your behind and do all the uncomfortable things associated with divorce and re-adjusting to life as a single person.
So...people take the easy way out. they stay in their marriage. it's a passive cop out. it's always easier to be passive and stay, than to be active and leave and change your life for the better. Meanwhile they're dying inside year after year. They find all kinds of excuses to stay in their marriage. One of them is "I don't want to hurt my spouse by leaving."...or "we have kids..." as if staying with your spouse isn't hurting them too?
Don't be like this. Do the right thing and leave your husband even though it's the difficult thing.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (2 March 2011):
if you had never met the other man, would you be "fine" with staying with your husband as is? If the answer is yes, that means you're probably not ready to leave your husband whether it's because you're insecure about being alone (which is not a healthy way to start a new relationship) or because you do still want to be with him.
If you would have left your husband anyway, then you have a clearer sense that leaving your marriage is the right thing for you to do. But if you would only leave if you can be with this new man, then you could be leaving for unhealthy reasons (e.g. fear of being alone) which could taint your new relationship plus it's not nice to be holding onto your husband if you don't want him but just to bide your time until some one better comes along. In other words, if you were to leave your husband because you don't want to be married to him, you should have left him any way regardless of whether you had a new relationship lined up or not. But some times life isn't always a straight or linear path, some times a new person who might really be a better mate for you, comes along before your old relationship has ended. This doesn't mean it's automatically wrong or bad to end your current marriage, it just means that the waters are a lot muddier as to whether if you end it, you are doing the right thing or not.
I would suggest putting your other relationship on hold - as in, no contact with the other man - while you figure out whether you do want to try to work things out with your husband or not with the assumption that your other man is not available.
However if you already know that you don't want to work on things with your husband, then by definition working it out won't work. If your only reasons for staying with your husband is guilt because of not wanting to hurt him, you're basically staying for your own benefit (to squash the discomforting feeling in your head which is guilt) so how does this lead to 'working it out'
So maybe you already have your answer....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): "me and my husband had an abortion and that made us grew apart from each other"
Get some help, for yourself, and if possible for you and your husband, before you both wreck the entire family. Go to counseling.
You are leaving one set of problems for another set, which could be worse.
Get marriage counseling, don't accept "no" for an answer from your spouse. If you have to end the marriage, do it in a way that preserves the relationships with children and their security, and what you are doing does not do that.
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