A
female
age
41-50,
*d1124
writes:I just left my boyfriend of six years, living together for five years. We have a beautiful baby girl, who is the most amazing, loving person. I am 28 years old and I am a lawyer and have worked very hard in my life.I met him, fell in love and it was, looking back, fun and exciting. He hit me hear and there, but I never once thought to leave. Two years ago, he started leaving for nights here and there, sometimes days at a time.. He would do out, not call, not answer my calls or texts and not come home- always a story, always an excuse. I believed him at first, "why are you leaving at 4 am to go to work and why is this number calling you like crazy?" "Why are you emailing this married woman about meeting up with her?" We moved home and shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I have always said to myself- I can do this on my own. I did not have visions of this wonderful family, I hoped he would change. He left many nights I was pregnant, I was alone in his parents house, ashamed and confused, but still did not think to leave. The baby was born, he kept leaving, money would always disappear and once again, always an excuse. The verbal abuse continued (you are a fat whale, no one would ever want you, look at me, look at you.)He would be great for 2 months then horrendous for 2 months. I then thought: it is because we live with his parents, if we move out it will be clear- and it was... I spent new years alone, he left- he continued to text certain numbers all day long (always a lie). In January alone, he did not come home with the car and car seat 15 times, no call, no response, nothing. At one point, he actually convinced me I was crazy. Physical and verbal abuse continued and i knew I was ready to go, so I started preparing my mind. I even called a number on his phone, she was 19 in her college dorm telling me how he took her on a date (and i remember that day, he took $100 out of my bank account, which had rent money). I left on Sunday, after 2 weeks of him crying, begging me to stay and making promises I knew he would never keep, I knew it was time to go (back to my parents which I hate). I left and an hour later, I was on facebook (it is his account, I was always on and he knew), and the messages started to come in all from other girls in response to him asking them to come to his new place, telling them he and i were done and I moved out, he even offered to drive to them because he wanted to see them so badly.I was livid, yet laughed because that was him... The next day, I look at my bank account (I had his debit card and I left it when I left at 8:30 pm) and he somehow managed transfer money from our daughter's savings account to his (i am the custodian), transferred the 10 from our joint savings) turn on overdraft protection, which I had turned off, took out money and then went to 2 supermarkets made a tiny purchase for cash back.. All of this one hour after I left. Six years of lies, no respect, not trust, verbal and physical abuse- I thought I was going to be so stress free- he now, does not answer my calls or texts.I cannot stop texting him, I want to know why, I feel the need to tell him he is hurting me, asking him why is he doing this..But, why am I doing this? I am going crazy and I actually hate him but I feel so crazy and pathetic right now. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The13th_Floor  +, writes (3 March 2011):
This may be hard to believe in your current state of mind, but you can and will find someone that you'll eventually fall head over heels for. He hit you, really? You deserve so much better, but only time will show you this...
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 look of course you want him to understand how his callous actions have ruined your life for years now, but if he had any hope of caring he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
separate him from you financially before he can take more of your money. if he has access to your accounts close them and open new ones.
make changes that will stop him having an impact on you and using you and further.
he's an arsehole (the world is full of them). stop texting him and just try to get a social network around you (friends and family) that can listen to you and allow you to get your feelings out. he is not going to listen or care about the hurt, this is what friends are for.
good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Of course you feel crazy, who wouldn't? You are hurt by him, and probably a little bit fed up with yourself for not going sooner. Perhaps you feel a mug. All of this considered, it's not surprising that you are feeling bad.
However, look at the bright side: you've left, you have your dignity and you're rid of that scumbag. The best thing to do is just get on with your whole life. You'll need to lick your wounds, and you're sure to be p****d off for a bit... but one day you'll wake up and realise what a great thing you've done.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): You have to put a stop to the whole sorry mess of a relationship. You keep texting him and getting no response but it is just driving you crazy. This is where you have to say 'that's it, no more'. You have a life and a child and you deserve more for yourself than this. The relationship needs to be over, no more contact with him unless it is about your child. Get everything regarding finances sorted out. And take time to recover and then get on with your life. It IS in your power and you will get over him. You will need a lot of courage but in the long run you will look back and know you did the right thing. Be strong.
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