A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little embarrassed, but I need advise again.My boyfriend continues to have contact with his ex's and I have gotten to the point that I am becoming so resentful towards him, that I am beginning to feel like I am not attracted to him anymore.Just today, he received an email from an ex just saying "Happy New Year, I hope you are doing well." It may seem harmless enough, but she has been doing this for 2 years now. She may even send something simple like "how's it going," just to open up lines of communication between them again.She lives nearby, and after the Happy New Years email, all of a sudden, he has to go to work on Saturday for a few hours. I SUSPECT that he is going to see her.Plus when we have sex, he turns his head away from me, and acts as though he really isn't into it. I am not ugly, and I know it. I am 10 yrs older than him.I feel really stupid asking for advice, at my age you would think I would KNOW how to think about things already. But... HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt just happened to turn out, that he actually DID have to go to work. I think I WILL decide to be happy and smiling and forget about thinking suspicious thoughts. Thanks!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 You are welcome! Thanks for having a high opinion of me. LOL!
I hope everything works out fine over there.
If you laugh, the whole world laughs with you .If you cry , you cry alone.
Everyone like to be with those who are happy and nobody likes to be with those sad or gloomy faces..
Be happy and smiling always and he will enjoy with you .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Laura1318, I value your opinions, and I was hoping that you would chime in.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 February 2008):
You have a negative perceptions of your b/f and what he does . As a result,you viewed everything he does negatively.
It is your envy and jealousy that is getting the better of you . You need to send that green demon back into the dungeons for your own happiness.
Instead of feeling loved, you have become blind and seethe with anger and hatred in your heart .Where there is hate, how can love enter your heart? You need to love where there is hate.
You need to see him in a proper light. It is not his fault if his ex sends him those wishes. He cannot control her and if you were brought up in a civilized way, you do not treat her in any derogatory manner.
The way you treated him may well drive him into her arms.You should be secure in his love and have faith .
His head turning away from looking at you during sex could be your misinterpretations. He maybe trying to concentrate and some man just close their eyes when they have sex. They are like being possessed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! It is good to get so many points of view, I appreciate every response! Anyone else who wants to chime in...would be good too. I don't care how brutal it may get, because it will help me see the light! Being in a tunnel of confusion gets to be pretty dark...LoL
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A
female
reader, manipulationdrama +, writes (2 February 2008):
I feel that men that allow their ex girlfriends and so called friends to intervene in your relationship do it for attention. I just went through this in and on/off relationship with someone that I truly loved. I shattered me, and the more that I complained the worse it got.
He is an attention seeker and loves all these cast of charaters to be around him, they call all the time, email and even ask for favors as to help them with their cars, problems etc....I put up with it because I did not want to lose him, and we brok up anyway. Bottom line is that is someone is not interested in your feelings they really do not care about you. It is fine tohave friends, but all of those women he needs to make then know that he loves you and that you have a solid relationship that he would not
put in second place for any of them. If on the otherhand, he cares more about those women that your feelings, then you need to consider if you are being taken care of the way you deserve, or if you would be less tormented being alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend (he's 31) has 'ex' girlfriends and some just old time female friends who simply like to text him at what I would call odd times of the day and night just to say hello. One in particular was from a a girl I know he tried to date but who he then found out was married. I think she liked the attention. Anyway a text arrived on his phone on a sunday evening about 8pm saying "Hi how are you these days xxxx". My boyfriend showed me the text because I had become suspect of all his texts etc and I said to him "Can you please tell me what kind of happily married woman texts a guy on a Sunday night who she hasn't seen for 5 years and puts kisses at the end of it?" He didn't reply to her text and as far as I know this was her last attempt but the thing is some women just love to flirt or get attention. I think social websites, opinion TV and generally a society devoid of any manners and boundaries is to blame for people thinking it is ok to email, text etc any person they like without thought or consideration for partners or family. I suggest strongly that you take no more rubbish from him at all because him turning away during sex would make me (if I were you) feel like a machine. Its as if he's just getting his stuff and not thinking of you. I am 5 years older than my bloke but I'm decent looking too and you (we) just have to remember that because age can undermine you otherwise but really ain't relevant. I started to say to my boyfriend "Oh Steve at work gave me a really nice complement about my hair today - I thought it was so sweet of someone to notice." See what reaction you get. My guy looked really taken aback. Start to act like you don't care. This may not be so hard in your current state of mind. I would also suggest you get out the house more - social networks of your own are important and make sure there are some guys in the mix. Dress up to go out and do things yourself on the spur of the moment. Turn up at his place of work on a Saturday - or call him. Put your mind at rest or get the truth about these things. It is absolutely not fair for you to live with these feelings which are making you so unhappy. You deserve some respect I hope you get it.
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A
male
reader, Chris121  +, writes (2 February 2008):
As you've yet to have a male response I feel I should fill in the other side to the coin. Although I completely agree that telling him about your feelings can only be beneficial whether the news is good or otherwise, equally you have to understand that he needs some extent of freedom. Whatever these ex-girlfriends may feel towards him, you have to keep telling yourself he's chosen you. You are the one he wants to be with, and if anything it's them who should be feeling the jealousy.
With respects to the Saturday job, I have a feeling you may be making links between two unrelated topics, but I would certainly ask him nonetheless. If it was at the start of the new year, there's no reason why they wouldn't change his work schedule, BUT if you don't ask him directly, then your feelings will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (1 February 2008):
It's so hard to give good advice without all the pieces. But yeah when we get so mad at someone its true we become very unattracted to that person, completly normal. If he is different in the bedroom that might indicate a problem or an infidelity. Ya know its funny I work in a very male dominant career and I hate I really hate to admit it but cheating really seems to be the "norm" even the men who claim to be reallly happy with there wives seem to be "kissing someone in the back room", I cant figure it out!Im not saying to accept this behavior, or that its even happening but dont be shocked if you find out it is! This job has taught me soooo much about males and females. So I guess what im saying is he could be cheating, did you call work for him or see his paystub? you could have followed him, and you would have known one way or the other. How long have you been with him?
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