A
male
age
30-35,
*bob1234
writes:Hi there. I'm guy who has fallen in love with his best friend (female). We've known each other since grade school, and are in our 20's now, so its been over 10 years that we've known each other. I've always been attracted to her, but never really felt anything more than friendship till just recently. Not sure why, but a switch went off, and my real feelings just came out. I told her how I felt (since we are really close, I knew it wouldn't jeopardize anything). She told me she had a lot of feelings for me but that she just wants to be friends and doesnt want to trade what we have for more. I said I understand, but now have trouble dealing with these feelings as they won't go away. I told her I want to take some time to spend away from her, so I can deal with everything, but she says no that she doesnt want that and think that we will grow apart. I asked her what she thinks and she said that i should know that we are better off friends cuz i will have her for the rest of my life, but will find someone better. Then she adds, that we can have a good relationship without stupid stuff getting in the way and i can have her for life as friends cuz if it was more it would just cause problems and she doesn't want to lose me.So I dont know. Is she afraid if we go farther she risks the chance of losing me?? Or does she just not feel the same way? Its hard being around her, and I'm sure it will only be harder when/if she gets a BF and I have to hang out with them. Should I take a break? Should I end our friendship? Is she just keeping me around cuz I help her out all time? I don't know what to do. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, Giorgioarmanicus  +, writes (22 June 2009):
Look. You have to be honest with yourself and the girl. Tell her what u feel. Tell her u love her. That u have feelings for her. Kiss her and hug her and have sex with her are your desire. Dont be a fool. Be honest.
If she wants it, she will do it. And you both will be happy. If she doesnt, then get off and dont see her, dont call her, and from the keep your distance. Why?
If you keep in that situation, it will break your self steem to see her kiss his boyfriend in front of you. She will do it. You will be the best friend at her wedding? Will you catch the flowers at her wedding? Dont be a stupid please. Love yourself.
If your want her as a friend, then get the enough distance from her so you can still be a person, a gentleman, and have your life. Dont be with her alone, only in groups. Dont spend a dime in her please.
Find a girl that is more beautiful than her, more secure of herself. She is a egoist person, she wants to have a boyfriend, and the other guy (YOU) as a safety cushion. She tells the other guy the same. She wants to be the center. Women cant be the center of a man and viceversa, only God is the center to a person.
Be a person that loves himself. Get off that situation is not good for you.
Giorgio Armanicus
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male
reader, BoyNamedGoo  +, writes (6 May 2009):
I have a similar problem to yours that I'll be posting a question about after responding here. My best friend is a girl who i met 2 years ago at the start of university. I new i loved who from the moment i met her, instantaneously, and i began to drop little hints. She never seemed to interested but we grew into amazing friends and I think we both consider each other our best friends with the opposite sex. I decided last year that I had to tell her my feelings, knowing the risks. Her response was, "You are an amazing guy and an incredible friend but we just don't click. We don't click." She loves me enough as a friend though that our friendship just got better and wasn't effected by my feelings. That was a year ago and she thinks that I've gotten over it but I am far from over it, and I don't think I could ever lose my feelings for her. She has had a boyfriend for almost a year now and everytime she mentions his name it takes all my energy to hold back the feeling of icy daggers and just fake a smile. So I can relate to what your saying in that if you truly loves someone then you can't let it go even if you try.Your case seems a bit different though. From what you say, it's as if she does have the potential feelings to be more than friends with you. It sounds like she cares about you so much that she doesn't want to ruin it if a relationship does go bad; unlike my situation where my best friend and I "just don't click" period. I'm sure this may sound annoying since you already there for her in so many ways but i think that one of the best things to do is to look at yourself in the situation, and instead of thinking "How can i make myself seem like her best candidate for a boyfried?", you should look at it and think "How can I be there for her and care for her in the most ways possible?". I realise that there are some ways of caring and loving that you can't do unless you are in a relationship, but maybe you just need to keep reminding her of what she is missing by not taking the next step with you no matter what the risk. It's incredibly painful to sit on the sidelines and know that you are such a great person but you can't be that person for someone else, but I'm a whole lot more optimistic about your situation rather than mine. For her it sounds like it's just the fear of the relationship ending and then not having you in her life at all. Though if you can show her every way possible how much you do care and that you are so willing to risk everything in a relationship because it's worth it, then i wouldn't be half-surprised if she decided to give it a chance. I don't think you would be so positive about a relationship unless you new it was worth it. As a last little side note, maybe she does need to have one boyfriend just to realise that you are everything he is not, and that you are everything she does want.My heart goes out to you and I wish that everything works out for you and your friend
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): I have the exact same problem, except I'm 13. My best friend and I do a lot together, we both love the same things, and we just get along extremely well with each other. I'm always there to help her, and she's always there to help me. In the past year or so, I've started loving her (At one point maybe a while after we first met I know she liked me for sure, but I took her for granted). It isn't just because I like her physically either. I love everything about her, how she smiles, how deep in thought she looks whenever I say something, the sound of her voice, the sound of her laugh, and just in general how she acts and who she is.
I'm absolutely in love with her, and recently I sent her an email when I could no longer take it on the night of the last dance. I decided to send it to her because of what had happened at the dance: My stalker was driving me nuts, following me everywhere, ruining the dance for me. I told my best friend, and she got so pissed, immediatley she got in a bitch fight with my stalker (Of course she won).
It was like a real fight, hair pulling, slapping, punching; and anyway, I wondered if she had even the slightest inkling of the feelings that I had for her. Thats why I sent the email. Here is a copy of it:
Samantha, just so you know, this will not be a coherent email as you will soon find out. I just typed up a 30 paragraph email, and as I tried to send it, it said my session was timed out, so I'm in a worse mood than before.
I'm completely miserable. This is the first time I've ever had a true chance to explain my feelings for you (PLEASE DO NOT EXIT OUT OF THIS EMAIL, YOU NEED TO READ IT). I atleast want to tell you all this, get it all off my chest y'know. You're simply amazing, and yet you don't see how truly infatuated I am with you. I'm not just physically attracted to you - I'm attracted to you, your personality, your character. You are simply the most amazing girl I have ever known, and you don't even seem to realize it. The way I feel about you, its beyond that of what other guys feel about you. They're simply physically attracted. Part of the reason we are also such good friends is because we are so close (obviously) and in a way thats torture. I'm attracted to you as a whole because you're so kind, you're so smart (even if you or your mom don't feel so). You are incredibly funny, yet still so calm and collected. And yet I see such a natural beauty in both personality and attractiveness feel so miserable sometimes. This email I'm sending lacks 99% of the feeling the one I was trying to send earlier did - I spent an hour and a half typing it all up, putting my heart and soul into it. When you broke up with Pierce, you seemed so miserable, and I can't bare to see you like that.
You deserve so much, yet you get so little. In a way, you're blessed. Sure I'm blessed with what I hope is cuteness (I have such a bad self image by now though that I'm not sure anymore), and I'm blessed with family money. But the curses I have take a much harder toll than these blessings can negate. This curse is being around someone I love so deeply, but having no chance at even having a chance. I can't simply explain my feelings for you in words - I was most successful in my last try, but it was still hard. I've always been so timid around you, I've only started coming out of my shell. When I'm around you I'm so nervous that I can barely focus, and half my jokes end up crappy and unfunny, which puts me just further into the depression. But that depression doesn't last long.
Every morning I see you, you light up my entire day. Just a moment of talking with you makes me feel like I can actually survive another day of this dreaded school even with two crazy stalkers, insane homework, tons of home responsibilities, so much stress, and of course the nervousness I feel around you. I don't think you can truly understand how deeply I feel about you until you give me a try. We are not even two different people, it's like almost that we are two of the same soul. Only 1/100th of the Jinxes that come out of my mouth are spoken, as I almost know every word you are going to say next. But what I'm also worried about is becoming exactly what Rhyan (my stalker) is. Its because I am around you so much, and I do enjoy your company so much - and I don't know if you truly like me even as a friend or not, even though in my opinion you're the greatest friend of my life. Thats what I dont' want typing this email to ruin. We are such good friends, and I value you that much more than my own happyness. Every time I try to tell you my feelings, you stop me before I can even shock you with how deep they are for you.
The only reason I'm overpowering my will in order to type this is because of what happened today at the dance: You stood up for me. You actually got into a real "Bitch Fight" with my stalker, so protectively I wonder if you might have the same feelings for me. I even think you could, and yet not even know it. I can barely comprehend these feelings myself - your so much more than a crush, your someone I would do anything for. I would protect you from whatever or who ever with all that was in my power like you did for me anytime you needed. When I try and give up on you, I'm afraid I'm giving up on you too early.
The truth is, your teasing deeply hurts the very foundations of my soul. I'm being sampled something so sweet, yet I feel like I'll never have a chance with you. In a way I'm slightly miserable every day because of this. Something so close but so far out of reach. I've already tried, I can't stop loving you. And if you just want to be friends, thats fine with me. Completely. I just want a straight answer, as much as it could hurt me. The miserableness is just a huge burden.
Please, all I'm asking for is a single chance to prove my feelings for you. Do I buy the other girls whatever they want? No. I offer, but only because I know they will refuse. I don't even do this for points or whatever, I do it simply because making you happy makes me happy. I feel almost creepy typing this. But just know this - I am genuinely compelled to do things for you. I can't control it, I just feel like its just... right. You deserve all the world can give you and more - you deserve the best. And to me, I feel like I could be the best. Please, tell me the genuine truth. Don't respond as soon as you see this. Think about it hard. All I ask for is one chance to prove myself. One chance. I wish I had the letter I originally typed up, it was so much better. I tried to save it, but the stupid verizon thing closed on me.
Always yours,
-Connor
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Anyway, that was my email. Let me answer your question though:
Honestly, how she responded is exactly the way that your best friend did. Thing is though: there is definitley room for feelings to build. You should still be friends with her, in my case being apart from my best friend makes me feel worse than when I'm close to her. After I sent my email to her, she called me, crying, broken down, but still happy.
She said that while she doesn't feel completely the same way, she values me as her very best friend, and she understands how hard it is for me when I feel that way about her.
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reader, bbob1234 +, writes (2 April 2009):
bbob1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Original shiraz! and thanks again crimson_kiss.
I appreciate it. Although I wish there was an off switch to these emotions I'm feelings, I'll just talk to her and tell her that I need a break :) I'm sure she'll understand.
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (2 April 2009):
 You are more than welcome. I wish you luck in this endeavor. If you need to message me because you don't want to post publicly, my inbox is always open!
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reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (2 April 2009):
although its not what you want to hear shes got the right attitude, the right head on at the right time. it would be so easy and so lovely if it all worked out, friends for so long and then you have that dreamy relationship but there comes a time when it comes to that abrupt end. shes obviously looked at this from all angles, she has so much respect for you as a person and the friendship you have that she doesnt want it to end and she knows that if you were to 'progress' then it could end the friendship that you have both loved for so long. she seems very understanding so talk to her telling her you need time, although she feels you may drift apart explain that you feel right now its for the best for both of you. you do need time to get your head together and she seems the type to respect this once she knows. i wouldnt end the friendship deep down its not what you want and it would break both you and her i wouldnt go down that path, i do feel you should have a break though just some time for yourself.
i think shes keeping around you as she values what you have, deep down she really cares for you but not the way you feel. its hard to accept and i bet its crossed her mind so many times but shes balnced out the positives and negatives and rather than taking that risk shes thought that right my friendship is not worth loosing i wont take the risk. she deserves respect for that, not many people make the right choice and in this situation i feel she has. itll be hard and you need time but dont cut her out, she needs you and you need her.
good luck xxx
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reader, bbob1234 +, writes (2 April 2009):
bbob1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks crimson_kiss. Yeah I get what you are saying. And I'm not sure about what she means by "stupid stuff". Perhaps just drama in general, or could be that she has always been in a bad relationship that always ends bad. So maybe she thinks something like that could happen to us. I'll talk with her. I do think some time apart would help and I respect her decision. :)
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reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (2 April 2009):
To answer you, its probably a combination of a lot of things. Yes, she is afraid of losing you. If you get into a relationship with her and things don't work out, do you honestly believe you could go back to being the kind of friends you are now?
I am sure she appreciates your companionship and is very comfortable with it, maybe she is having trouble with the feelings she is having for you within herself.
What is this "stupid stuff" she speaks of? I would have to find that out for myself.
If I were you, I would tell her that I need a break from the friendship to sort out what it is I am feeling. If she respects you enough, she will understand and be there for you when you feel its time.
Good luck in what you choose to do and let us know how you fair.
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