A
female
age
41-50,
*ndyblue
writes:My partner and I have 4 children.When our youngest was 8mths old (he is now 16 months) I thought my partner was cheating.I didn`t say anything at the time because after having all the babies in quick succession,I felt a bit jealous that his life seemed to stay the same and mine had changed.I thought this may have been causing me to imagine things.I did have some baby blues and was a bit clingy as I felt he gave me less help and attention with each baby.I also was suffering from a serious illness at the time and was very run-down.However I was never unreasonable or accusing.He then went on a business trip.On his return both his neck and chest were covered in "love bites".I waited until the next day before asking him about this.He told me that he had a few too many drinks and was making fun of my baby blues and clingy behaviour with female collegues.One of these collegues then said "lets give her something real to worry about then" and nipped him in various places so that it would appear that he had love bites! They all found this extremely amusing.This is the story he gave me and refused to discuss anymore without getting very angry.I don`t know weather to believe him and I dont even know which story I prefer...the cheating or the making fun of me.All this was followed up by unexplained gifts hidden in his car,shady behaviour and getting a new "work phone".Months later,my suspicions are still there,though not as strongly.Please can anyone give me some advice??
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Chigirl is right. I'll take it a step further and suggest that you don't even have to go through all of his trouble with getting his phone and checking his messages.
He's already cheated on you. He was disloyal in bashing you to other female friends, and he cheated on you in allowing another woman to touch him like this. He's lying to you for starters, and how would he feel if you came home with hickeys all over you? Come on. This isn't the 8th grade, and your guy needs to grow up.
As for him getting "very angry", pardon my language, but he's so full of shit that if you poked him with a pin, he'd explode in a haze of brown. Listen to me...*YOU* need to get very angry. I mean it. YOU have the reason to be mad.
He is cheating on you. He's already cheated, and no man who loves his woman would ever say an unkind word about you to other people, male or female.
Nail him to the wall financially. Take him to court and get a child support order and DROP him. 4 kids and he's treating you like this?? You don't even have to "bust" him again. What he's already admitted to (his bullshit story he's told you) is enough to drop him, and I know there's more than that, and so do you.
I know you're thinking about your kids. However, the best thing you can do for your kids is give them a happy mom and a good stable house, because they *can* feel the tension. This guy is a joke, and he's taking you and all you do for granted.
Seriously, no guy on the face of this earth would ever accept their wife/girlfriend coming home with evidence of another man's lips and tongue all over her, much less cower away when she gets mad at his questioning. Time to stand up for yourself.
A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (10 November 2011):
 I could be wrong and I hope I am. I do think he is cheating. Getting angry and refusing to discuss it further is because he is not comfortable. Its more difficult to lie over a course of time,than it is to tell the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): If I were you I would be suspicious too. Being the mum of 4 young children, you must be exhausted a lot of the time, so that can warp your perspective. So be wary that you are not getting things that are innocent confused with suspicion. However, the story of friends giving him these love bites sounds a bit lame to me. And if it is true, it is actually quite cruel of the people involved and your husband for letting it happen. Be vigilant and ready to tackle him further should anything happen that alarms you. And do not be fobbed off. The usual story of the cheater is that its you who is paranoid. A friend of mine had over 3 years of suspicions before reality hit her in the face. Look after yourself first and be strong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Sounds like cheating. That is the lamest excuse ever. Like when my first boyfriend came home one day with love bites on his neck and tried to sell me the story that a friend of his and him were just fooling around doing nothing serious.
Love bites cross as cheating. Even if it was "just for fun" anyway. That's like saying "I got naked and kissed another woman and dry humped her, just for fun, we didn't have sex!!". He cheated. Now he tries to excuse it as "harmless" cheating, as if having female colleagues (really?? Uhm, no, professional colleagues don't give love bites...) give you love bites is totally acceptable. He willingly agreed to, according to his story, giving you something to get upset about. Well then, he got the reaction he wanted, didn't he? He's got no right to complain then when he got what he asked for.
His story classifies as cheating, and it's probably covering up for a lot more going on as well. I'm sorry to tell you that every sign points to him cheating.
If he wants to claim innocence then without warning ask to see his phone. Both work phone and regular phone, and check his messages, inbox and outbox and last deleted messages, and last called numbers, then check up those numbers and see who they belong to.
If he denies you this, then he might as well just admit to it.
What's the point of being in a relationship with someone anyway that you can't trust or feel you can rely on? Even if his story does check out (highly unlikely, but for the heck of it) that is totally unacceptable behaviour and he should have been on his knees apologizing to you. But what does he do? Well, like most cheaters when caught red handed, they get angry and say "I didn't cheat I didn't cheat" until they get blue in the face. Denial. That's the only strategy left when you've been busted.
For the record, I don't know a single person who got a love bite (except young teenagers) without there being more involved, usually sex.
You'll get child support from him which will help you financially. Bust him now before he gets rid of all evidence, or play a silly cow and act like nothing, then bust him later when you have the energy and he's gotten comfortable again and doesn't cover his tracks.
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