A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I basically want to check whether I'm over-reacting or not but this is what happened. I live with my boyfriend and sometimes, when I call him up from outside when he's at home, asking him what he's been doing, he often says he has some girl over and they're having sex. It's a stupid joke but that's his favourite one, anyway. Today I was at home and he called from work, asking me what I was doing. I said I had a man over and was having sex. His said, "So how much did he pay you?"I was furious. I hated the fact that he indirectly called me a whore when I repeated that stupid joke of his. I was really angry and I'm not talking to him for being so disrespectful. Am I over-reacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Sometimes jokes go overboard if you don't know where to draw the line. If you had told him in the first instance itself, that you didnt like his "I'm having sex with another woman" joke, then I think he would have known his limits and not ventured too far with his humour. The fact that you went along with it gave him the freedom to take it further and its possible that what he told you was in good humor but in very bad taste.
I'm sure that anyone in your place would have been upset at the spur of the moment but what you should do is, tell him that this particular "joke" should not be repeated again because it you dont like it. You did not like the underlying tone, whether or not that was what he implied is not the question.
Henceforth if you don't like something, nip it in the bud. Don't try to turn the joke on him because that's how things get out of hand. He can say something much, much more hurtful (like he did!) and then you wont like it.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Yes, I think you're over reacting. You could have turned the joke around on him. And NOT by saying that you were paying the guy. That would leave you open to some hint that the only way you could get a man would be to pay him.
Like the other uncle suggests, it might be a wise idea not to engage in humour that is clearly too close to a nerve.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Yes, you are. There need to be limits of what were allowable retorts (and other ways of dealing with one another had not been settled. You had conflicting ideas. I hope you two can clarify expectations. If you settle on rules that continue to develop your relationship, he will be a LOT more likely to be willing to play more freely.
And if the limits are fairly open AND he is secure in himself, your proper response is to say "Oh no. I'm paying HIM". Then sigh lustily. He'll get the message I'll bet.
Have fun with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): To be honest, it sounds to me as if you're sort of both reacting wrongly to a surely harmless question asked by the other, and blowing it way out of proportion. That said, I do think his 'joke' or remark/reply was a bit 'over the line', if you will.
However, I think that for the sake of your relationship you should both call a kinda 'truce' to not make this particular joke again.
There is absolutely no harm in asking this sort of question, communication in any relationship is important, and I believe that this sort of question shows that the person asking it cares about and is or was perhaps thinking about the person asked at around the time the question is asked.
Hope this helps.
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