A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been having an affair for a year now. Married for 9 and a half years with 2 children. My husband is great and I honestly am not sure what lead to my affair? I have been in this affair with our neighbor who we see all the time so it's extremely hard to stop. His wife and I are friends and my husband and he are good friends. I want to end the affair and he does to but for some reason we keep doing it? We never spend a lot of time together after sex, we only see each other long enough to have sex. It has gotten more intaminte but I feel as though he only texts me for sex. If I text him he is usually very dry in conversation unless it involves sex. His wife complains about him not being romantic with her so I'm not even sure why I'm still doing this? It's almost like a drug thoug!! I feel like I want more from him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): With all due respect, maybe if, and when you realize that your neighbor has absolutley no respect for you, or your relationship with your husband, you will find it in yourself to stop this selfish and destructive affair. Think about it...how in hell could he have any respect for you? Married guys relate your behaviour to their own wife. No man would have any respect for their own wife if they found she was having an affair, so don't expect any respect from him. Time to wake up and smell the coffee. As another reader said, he is just using you for your vagina. Not a whole lot to respect there, other than your vagina...right? Yes, you are using him too, but you are just screwing up your head for a few minutes of illicit thrills. My advice? Better stop it now, and think about moving, as things will never really go away until you move away. Learn from it, and if you do decide you love your husband then use this experience to devote more attention to your marriage. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSometimes I feel like these are the things I need to hear to give me the strength to END this relationship! I haven't told anyone and it's killing me! So I needed this insight to be able to end it! I do think I have developed feelings for him and I have expressed that time him recently and he tells me it's just sex! But the kissing and intamincy gets better every time! I can't believe I am stupid enough to keep going back and i keep thinging he does really have feelings for me. I want to stop so bad but I have feelings for him and I will still have to see him... That's the hardest part!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): I feel so terrible for your husband. How humiliating, his wife having sex with another man right beneath his nose. The poor man deserves much better. How would you feel if it were your husband and his wife who who frolicking around without your knowledge. Do you not love your husband? Does the idea of hurting him not pain you?? Eventually you two will be discovered. Your whole life will fall apart, as will your husbands. Will you then be writing about how you want your family and home back? I think you need to seek counseling.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 September 2012):
Like with any bad addiction, it gives you the illusion that what you are getting makes you feel happy. But we all know that bad addictions will eventually make you feel worse while covering the real issues.
I think it is pretty obvious that you are being used by him. Similarly, you are doing the same thing. I think it is about time you come back to reality because for some reason you were running away from it. You and I can agree that your affair....was not going anyway. Even if it did...you'd have to go through hell to get to that somewhere. Whatever your reasons are/were for going back to him will be yours to figure out.
Try to find something else for your life in the mean time that will give you more meaning...a hobby for yourself or activity with your family. Sports? E-Sports ? I don't know but..something. It'll help when you are trying to overcome your affair.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 September 2012):
 There is always something exciting about doing something so terribly wrong.
Yes, your neighbor is using you for sex. From your post that is blatantly obvious. You are a new thrill for him and I am sure he is enjoying it just as much as you. I don't think he has any interest in getting to know you emotionally either and that is not going to change either. It sounds like you are setting yourself up for a world of heartbreak as you are starting to have a little bit of feelings for him.
I think if you want to stop it, you need to make a conscious decision to do so. Realize who you are hurting each time you accept his invitations: 1) your husband 2) your kids (if any) 3) and yourself. Imagine what will happen when you get caught. What do you think the other neighbors will think? What about your children? Your husband? What about his family (you might be called a homewrecker)?
I hope you mentally play out the conclusion to what is going on and what WILL happen when (not if) you get caught. Realize what you are risking for a fleeting few minutes of passion from a guy who more or less is using you for your vagina. If the pleasure is worth the risk, and you feel this is acceptable to put your husband and family through, then by all means have at it. Just don't claim you weren't warned.
Hopefully you come to the conclusion that this isn't worth the price. If you value your family, I would encourage you to block his phone number, cease communication and recommit yourself to your family and husband. I would also encourage you to think about relocating as well. This type of situation is likely to get out of hand very easily and very little good can come from it.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right!! I am selfish! For some strange reason I feel like he actually cares for me? When I. Actuality Im thinking of how stupid I am! I will have my mind made up that I'm going to end it but if he text me after a couple of weeks I cave! I don't even understand why I'm doing this? I feel so used!
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (25 September 2012):
Sounds like a bad addiction to me. Just like all addictions you usually have to find the will power in yourself to over come it. I suppose a year of having an affair without getting caught is enough a reason. Also the fact that he is your neighbour makes it so that whatever free time you have can be spent towards the affair. With two kids, I actually find it amazing you have the time to have an affair.
It goes without saying that what you are doing is completely selfish. It can ruin your life in such a grand way if you are caught. If you are ever caught, it would be so hard to face your neighbours again and most importantly your children. At the end of the day the choice is yours if you want to end or not.
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