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Former supervisor bullied me and now is trying to stop me from making a grievance against her

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 September 2012) 9 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I started working at this new place in November last year as my husband lost his job so I had to leave my current  part time job  to do a full time job.

I got on well with everyone apart from my supervisor who from day 1 never liked me or treated me with any respect (when I was interviewed for the job she was away so the office Manager interviewed me).

My supervisor would constantly snap at me in front of my colleagues and making jokes about me in team meetings when i couldn't answer a question,gave me work last minute so I'd have to stay over my shift (I never even got overtime  for it as it wasn't agreed prior as she'd dump it on me last minute). On several occasions she cut my lunch short by coming in to the canteen and telling me I was needed in the office (time which I never got back), slamming doors in my face and then pretending she didn't see me... You get the idea!

There were occasions whereby she'd purposely not include me in an email- like the Christmas party or after work drinks... But the worst thing  was that she failed to copy me in to a very important email explaining a process change.. I continued to do the process as trained but because I wasn't aware it had changed I got in to a lot of trouble and both supervisor and manager almost gave me a warning until I explained I wasn't copied in to this email and my supervisor accused me of lying. Luckily 1 of my colleagues who had been copied in could verify that my name wasn't in the email (whether this was done on purpose I don't know).

Anyhow, after 8 months of dealing with this rubbish my husband fortunately found a job which allowed me to go back to my previous job.  There was no way I could work my notice so I spoke to my manager, explained everything and she agreed I could leave with immediate effect. She also asked if I wanted to log a formal complaint which I said no too.

I really have no idea why she hated me so much ... I didn't even know her! And for those wondering why I didn't do/say something sooner, well I was afraid I'd lose my job.

I have kept in touch with a few women from there and they told me that this supervisor has now been suspended as   2 more women have come forward with  bullying claims. I have also been invited by the MD of the company to give a statement about her which I have agreed to do, but she has now starting contacting me via Facebook (we aren't friends but she is able to send me a message) saying things like "there's no point in you doing a statement as you have left and it's irrelevant" and "do you really want me to permanently lose my job? Think about what you are doing!!"

I have not and will not respond to her and will print out as proof what she has said.. Should u be at all worried?  Am I a bad person for giving my statement? I mean why should innocent people suffer because of her...  Your thoughts please. Thanks. X

View related questions: bullied, christmas, facebook, lost his job

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (26 September 2012):

Ciar agony auntYou're very welcome and thank you for the follow up.

Remember, even if she doesn't get the punishment you (and all of us here) thinks she deserves, the fact that her conduct has come to the attention of management, is being investigated, that employees, past and present are being interviewed is a big thing.

When it's over she might breathe a sigh of relief but she will know she dodged a bullet and might be more careful next time.

And those of you who were bullied by her will be wiser and stronger for the experience. You will all see what you're capable of and be more confident.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012):

I posted this& just wanted to say thank you for all your responses& support. I submitted my statement this afternoon, along with the messages she sent me on Facebook... I could see the MD was furious that she had dared to contact me! So I know I I did the right thing.... I just hope that she had learnt her lesson ( however judging by the person she is I much doubt it).

Anyway, thanks again& if anything else comes about I will post it! X

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012):

Just like bronzed said, dont feel sorry, she has abused her power and should be dismissed.

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (25 September 2012):

bronzed adonis agony auntDo not feel sorry for her, she didnt and still doesnt feel sorry for you. She has abused her position and should not be in it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012):

dont respond to her messages, save them as evidence. Please stand up to this woman or she will keep treating others in the same way that she treated you, there is no room for bullying in the work place or schools. please please help put a stop to it by taking a stand against her terrible behaviour.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012):

Reading this bought back horrible memories for me as I also suffered at work at the hands of a bully. I wish I had the courage to complain,instead I left AND then signed off for stress which made it difficult for me to get back in to work.

I hope this woman gets what she deserves AND hopefully will change her attitude in future as no one deserves what she has put them through!! She is a bully AND bullies always try their luck until their luck runs out which with this woman has! Good luck!

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A male reader, lost cartographer United States +, writes (25 September 2012):

Take her to the cleaners.

Protect other people who will be subjected to treatment like this. People unfortunately rarely learn from their past unless there is a very real negative consequence.

Print out the contact on facebook, tell your side and then forget all about it and move on with your life.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (25 September 2012):

Ciar agony auntAccept the invitation to make a statement about her conduct. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. This is a golden opportunity that many people don't get.

The tide is turning against your supervisor. She sees it, she's obviously terrified and knows your contribution would not be irrelevant or she wouldn't go to the trouble of contacting you. She even admitted that losing her job is a strong possibility.

Be seen to be classy at all times. Even when speaking to her enemies. You don't know who else may hear or see your words and actions, and how they may be used in the future.

Be forever grateful that this woman is as dumb as she is. She has left a ton of self incriminating evidence in her wake and she has given many people the incentive to use it. She is more afraid of you than you are of her.

The other benefit of not answering her emails is you have denied her the chance to read you, to anticipate your response, to gauge the lengths you're willing to go to and the ability to prepare an appropriate defense.

Her imagination is working overtime picturing all the possibilities, wondering what you have up your sleeve, how many people will show up, what they'll say and what you might be saying to each other.

You are very fortunate to have this opportunity. Have faith. It will all work out.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (25 September 2012):

Honeypie agony auntBlock & ignore her on Facebook and STAND UP for yourself and those others she bullied. It's KARMA that came back to bite her ass and she deserves it.

Print it out and bring it.

You are a GOOD person for doing this, you have nothing to gain from it, but it's WHAT's right to do. Do not let her keep bullying you.

KUDOS to you.

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