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male
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anonymous
writes: In a relationship, but I really like someone else.I have a girlfriend of almost 3yrs and I like another girl at work, call her Alexa. I have gone out to lunch with Alexa a few times we definitely flirt and tease each other all the time. I really want to take her out on a real date but I don't because of my current status. My girlfriend really loves me and I care about her and I dont want to hurt her feelings at all, infact it would devistate her if I left her. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): i think you should do stuff that would upset your girlfriend then she will break up with you and you can have whatever her name is as your girl.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): Stick with your instincts, cos you'll do what you want to do anyway. Just one question if the boot was on the other foot how would you feel. Think another person touching YOUR girlfriend... how does that make you feel. If your not bothered than go ahead and do what you want to do, but you have to be honest with her. Try to not two time her because that just isn't fair.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): I can sympathise with you. it is a really difficult situation. In reality your girlfriend loves you in a way you dont love her. YOu love her but its more like you love a friend that you would never wnat to see hurt.
Also Alexa may or may not be someone you will be with and have a great relationship. Right now she isn't really the issue. You should harden your heart and sort out your staus with your girlfriend. If you decide to split don't cause her extra pain mentioning alexa instead be honest that the relationship has maybe came to the end naturally.
lastily the way you speak about alexa its almost like you have moved on to a new part of your life. You owe your girlfriend the chance to do the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): A fling? You really do not love your GF, don't test the waters before you break up with your GF. What makes you want to leave your GF, lack of things in common, does she not tease you like this girl, or are you just a wanderer. I say break up with your GF for her own good, because most likely she will be able to find a decent guy who will love her for her. But you should be honest with her, so she won't want you anymore... don't say its because of something else. Do say you are genuinely interested in a girl you barely know... it may hurt her, but it will only make her stronger. I'm sure you and Alexa will not work out, I know plenty of Jehovah Witnesses and I like them but they even say it's near impossible to date outside of their religion. My best friend couldn't even come to my birthday parties as a child because her parents were adament about it.... luckily she has defected from that religion and can go have some fun... however this fling is no real future and you certainly just want to get rid of your GF so do so
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female
reader, gustavia  +, writes (12 November 2006):
Your GF would definitely be devastated if she found out you were having fun lunches with Alexa! First of all, talk to GF, sit down and talk about what you both want in your relationship, listen to her and then have her listen to you. talk a lot. but don't tell her about the lunches just yet!
But to be honest, I think you and your GF are destined for splitsville. If at all possible, end it on a good note, but expect lots of tears and 2 am phonecalls from GF either asking for another try or to yell & call you really bad names... 3 year relationships have that right.
and don't jerk GF around after you break up. if things don't go well with alexa. don't crawl back to GF without something bright & shiny in a pretty little box and a big bow. good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst, thanks to all of you for taking the time to respond. Second, I think all were excellent observations. With the current g/f I have tried to end it with her on several occasions but end up feeling sorry for her and up caving in. I care about her or am I a sucker? Alexa is attractive (not that my g/f is not) has a goofy sense of humor like myself we can do more than just dinner. Cons: Jehova Witness, (Im catholic,not practicing but hold certain beliefs) thats a little wacky in my book but she does not preach anything to me or bring it up, does not celebrate holidays - all in all thats un-american. Like you all mentioned, not quite sure if she really like-likes me, If I ask her out I can find this part out, if she does then it complicates matters. I would be happy if this ends up a just a fling. I have had numerous oppurtunites to cheat (during rocky times) have always remained faithful this is the first time I have actually considered it.
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female
reader, fATTYNATTY +, writes (11 November 2006):
 i know it would hurt her, but you have to ask your self whats more important, the relationship now, with all the affection and love, or a possability of a realtionship with this other someone, which do you think would work out ?i'm not saying what you should do by the way. but if you really see it going somewhere with "Alexa" you should really think about it, what if you ask this girl out and she just sees you as a friend ? the longer you give your girlfriend the cold shoulder while your thinking about whether to finish with her, the more you'll be hurting her,
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Im sorry to say this but if she found out that you had being taking another woman for meals and flirting with her that would also devestate her. If you have feelings for this other woman its no good keep pretending to your g/f that all is well cause it obviously not. The longer you keep this situation going with your g/f the more pain you will put her through when the enivitable happens and you end up cheating on her or break it off. My advise to you is to come clean with your g/f and tell her that your feelings for her have changed, that you care for her alot but that you are no longer in love with her. Of course she will be upset that is only a natural reaction but if you care for your g/f as you say you do you will do the right thing by her and let her go before embarking on another relationship with this Alexa. This may sound hard but it will better than stringing her along for years and you being in a relationship which you dont want to be in which will make you unhappy as well. A little pain now or alot more in the future thats the choice im afraid good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): sounds to me like you are going through the infatuation stage with the girl at work - you like her but know you cant have her because youre with a girl you really like. You clearly like your girlfriend alot and youre right you will hurt her feelings if you dump her.
I think you are unhappy with your current relationship, otherwise you would not be thinking about this other girl - think of things that you may be unhappy with in your relationship and see if they can be worked out before you even THINK of losing such a great girl that you KNOW loves you - i take it you do not know for sure how the girl at work feels about you?
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